a vent/whine

warning you now,lol.
My sister and I had an argument today, that was very very hateful and sad.
My sister and I fought as young girls. I am the oldest, by 3 years. I did not like fighting w/ her then, and I have always done my best to avoid it now that we are adults.
We are very different. I am ok w/that. She really has never been ok w/ that. She believes there is one right way, everything is black and white.I almost always just listen to her and just go ahead and do what I want,lol. I respect her right to have her opinions and her life the way she wants it. If she is judgmental of me, I just shrug and realize it is most likely ignorance on this issue/topic whatever. My poor parents listen to me vent, and just tell me she does not understand real life.
Anyway, today we had a really bad fight. One I am not sure I will ever get over. I can not imagine ever speaking to her again. When I have heard other people say that I always thought they were dramatic. After all, family is way too important to hold grudges.Not talking about abusive or extreme situations, but in cases where family members offend one another. I now see that maybe people are just protecting themselves.
The issue is not important. I was disappointed and concerned about something, and I called her to tell her. She fired back w/ insults, you know, not just "You ugly fat lady"lol but deep, right through the heart insults. The very things she knew would hurt the most. She hurled insult after insult at me. Then she started hurling them at one of my boys. That is when I yelled over her(we were otp) and told her I was done, that I was never going to talk to her again.
I am so sad. We have never been close. We are so different, and I do not like how she treats my parents. I have always longed for a close relationship with her. I tried for a long time, years, to build one. I know that this is not the same as loosing a dh or if we had been close, but I am oh so sad, just sad.
I do not give any merit to her insults. For one, I doubt very seriously she meant them. Two, they are just baseless and untrue. But still, she was way out of line to say them, and I do not see me being able to forget hearing those words come out of her mouth. Her DH called right after and apperantly my sister feels that my saying I never want to speak to her again is the ultimate insult that trumps all insults. Cool. Fine, think that. Maybe it is.
Maybe I can't listen to all her other insults anymore. Maybe I do not want to hear about how she is using my parents anymore. Maybe I don't want to hear how she would never allow her kids to eat what mine do. Maybe I don't want to hear that she does not want to hang around me because of my ill mannered kids. Maybe I don't want to hear how if I want a sister to check w/ my sil. Blah blah blah, sorry, if you are still awake- thanks!

worms, worms, worms

Dianna, cover your eyes now!
Everyone else can read along.
I have been getting a worm bin set up for awhile, and looking for the cheapest place to get my little guys. Today was the day. I ordered a pound of red wigglers, and will have them next week. Then they can start composting for me, to help get a great garden going!
I would actually like, in time, to build a business. Lets see if I am still saying that in a few months,lol.

p is for poopy butthead

quick story, one night my 2 ds's, my ex and I were out to dinner ( we were together at the time,lol) and waiting for our food. Josh was 3, Joel was 4. Josh kept getting into stuff, and picked up a steak knife. I took it away from him and handed him a spoon. He looks at me, with a really mean look, square in the eye and says " Poopy Butthead". I know, I am supposed to be shocked, after all, where did he hear that? I did not use that type of language. I was supposed to be mad, after all, how disrespectful! But both his dad and I started laughing hysterically, as did the two tables next to us. The name kind of stuck, and when someone is really mean, we call them a poopy butthead.
For the next few days, I am going to blog about my ex. I try very hard to be a good person, not judge others, blah blah blah. I do not share my feelings about my ex w/ my kids, for obvious reasons. I do not share them often w/ my dh because he gets upset since I am upset. The last time I tried to talk to my mom she says " well, I think you still love him since he makes you angry." Uh, no mom, I am angry about what he does/does not do w/ and for the boys.
He swooped down on us Saturday at 5. I use the word swoop because he just disrupts everything. He does not call first, then expects them to be ready in an instant. He has expectations on their apperance that we just don't have here. They are teenagers and I usually let them decide what to wear/how to do their hair.
He refuses to tell me where they are going. I am the only custodial parent. I do not think that he puts them in physical danger or anything like that. I just think it is strange when I ask" So what are you guys going to be up to?" that he says " None of your buisness"
He also does not like to tell me when he will be bringing them back. That is frustrating.
I honestly might not be as upset as I am but for the fact that he left, and did not contact them in any way for more than 4 years. When he came back into their life, it was because his dad ( a wonderful man) passed away. It was at his funeral, that Joel and Josh found out that their dads GF had had another child w/ someone other than their dad and that he was raising that child as his own. What a kick in the teeth eh?
We are in a current disagreement, and last night when I tried to discuss it w/ him he hung up on me twice. He had said many untrue and negative things about me to my ds's on this last visit. It created a lot of drama over here- drama I do not need. When I called him, I simply asked him to let me know if he has any issues w/ me, rather than putting me in a negative light w/ the boys. That is hurtful to them, and even if he is mad at me I am sure he does not want to hurt them. Well, he hung up, after calling me names ya know? great, just great. The only good thing is karma. He is going to have some bad karma here,lol. All the years that he was missing, I told the boys that their dad loved them and was doing his best. It got to the point that the boys even resented me for saying that, since they knew he wasn't really doing his best. I had to stop defending him, but never once did I say anything bad about their dad. I did/do not do that for him, I do it for THEM.
anyway- more tomorrow

o is for ooooops!

I hit enter waaay too soon,lol.
O is for-
omgosh, people really are reading this?
oatmeal- love it
old- you are only as old as you feel. I feel 90.
oranges- I did not like oranges until I was an adult.
obey- I obey laws and rules even if I think they are dumb. I am waaaay to chicken to get into trouble.
obligation- I am working on not feeling obligated to do a bunch of stuff for a bunch of people who a) should be doing it for themselves, and b) that I really don't feel like doing.
obscene- I usually do not swear, if I do, it is for a dramatic effect.
omlettes- I like ham and cheese.
oven-I do not use my oven a lot- I like to use other gadgets, my crockpot, roaster, indoor grill.

O is for........