the long arm of the law............

Yesterday I got some bad news about a kiddo that I really care about quite a bit. One of Josh's friends, that practically lived w/ me for a couple of years has gotten himself into some more trouble. He's safe, in detention, and will be heading to rehab right after. 15 years young. Into some really heavy stuff.Weapons, hard drugs. I guess it was a blessing he was caught before someone really got hurt.

I picked up my divorce packet on Tuesday. I'm ready to wrap up that part of my old life and move on to chapter whatever this is now,lol. You would think w/ all the practice husbands I have I would be better at figuring out how to fill these papers out, but I keep having to ask questions,lol. Good thing we don't have anything hard like kids or property. Ahh well, hopefully I never need it again.

I am happy. I feel good. My life is going pretty good right now.

Guess thats it..
Lisa

Summer is here!

The city pool opens this weekend and that means my guys are at work. Joel is a lifeguard this summer again, and Josh is the Head Cashier. They are both glad to be there.

Things are going really well at work, I like the work at night a lot. I feel like I almost know what I am doing now,lol so that is another good thing.

I am enjoying my new car. It really is just too stinking cute.

I think I am going to spend tomorrow afternoon doing fun stuff. Exactly what that means I am not sure, but I know I need to do something fun.

today is a big day

My oldest son is graduating high school today. He is graduating w/ honors, and of course, we are all very proud of him. He has big plans, that kid does,lol.It really does seem like yesterday that he was 4 lbs, fitting in my hand and not able to lift his head or sleep longer than 2 hrs. Now he can do really hard math, save people's lives and decide what kind of life he wants to have. He is everyone's friend and almost always knows the right thing to do. He really is an incredible person and I would want to know him even if he didn't belong to me.

For the inquiring minds, John and I are still together. Things are really, really good.

I am tired, I worked last night, so I am heading out!
Lisa

I really really hate thinking of stupid titles.....

So today I got my new car. I really don't enjoy car shopping,and when everyone was telling me to have fun picking out my new car, I wondered if I am the only one who hates shopping for a car. This was a little easier since I did not have some stupid man trying to tell me what I wanted (other than the car salesman). Actually the car salesman was alright this time- everything worked out pretty well. I am happy w/ what I got, and the boys even like it. I was not there the entire flippin day, like usual, just 3 or 4 hrs. Since I am already getting a divorce, car shopping is not going to cause me to want to divorce anyone,lol.
I wanted a little SUV ( OK- I wanted a tahoe, but yaknow, that just isn't practical for me) so that is what I was looking for. My two main criteria is that it had to not be a car and it had to have good cupholders. My last car did not have any cup holders and let me tell you that is a huge pain in the ass.My new ride has 4, count 'em 4 cup holders. Sweeeeet. The kids were impressed w/ the stereo, and the fact that they fit in the back seat,lol. I can't wait for tomorrow so I can have somewhere to go,lol.
I will try to take a pic tomorrow so I can show it to all of you,lol.
Take care,
Lisa

real quick update

since I was a bad blogger and did not update this while I was off of work,lol...
I got a call from the insurance company and they are ready to settle the property part of the claim. I am going to get enough money out of it to put a down pmt on another car. That's cool- I just have to choose a car and coordinate getting my other car picked up and turned over to said ins company..
Cross your fingers for me.....................
Take care!

switching from normal to abnormal

not sure if my friends would agree that I used to be normal, but for sure, now I am not. I have started working 6pm to 6 am. That is just not normal.I have so many sleep issues, and trying to sleep during the day is one of them. Eventually I will just drop dead from exaustion I think.

I do enjoy working at night, it is a whole different ball game than during the day.All the young gals work at night. ( except me of course,lol- they were making fun of me!)My friend Kristie told everyone that I was born in 1940. Thanks girl.....

Someone I know asked me the other day what do I really want out of life. I am at a crossroads in my life- free to chose whatever it is that I want.Had I been asked that question in January, I would have had a totally different answer than I do now that it is May.

I have to say that I believe that happiness is internal, not external. So I can't look for someone or something to make me happy. I just have to be. That is not to say that I need to put negative things in my life, as a challenge,lol.

I also believe there is more than one path to that happiness. I could teach, and be happy. I could be a dispatcher, and be happy. I could be happy in AZ. I could be happy somewhere else. I could stay single and be happy. I could get married again and be happy.

When I say that my answer is different now than it was in January, I had decided after two marriages, and a miserable dating situation, that I was just going to raise my sons, learn my new job and live my life. It was obvious to me that I was not going to find someone right for me, and it was time to just be happy on my own. Then, in February, there I was minding my own business and wham-o.

Now I do want to be w/ someone again. I want to take care of someone and have someone take care of me. I want to love and be loved. I want to make him the happiest man on the planet and I want to be the happiest woman. I want to wake up and see him next to me. I will quit before I gross all of you guys out,lol.

I will close w/ a story of a woman who taught me so much, and I was supposed to be her child's teacher. She had 4 boys, all under the age of 6. Her man was a big looser, and left her w/ the kids and took off w/ someone else. She was living in govt housing, on welfare, food stamps etc. Her apartment was tiny- you could barely walk in there. At the time, I had 3 bathrooms in my house, and could not imagine 5 people trying to share one. She did not have a car. Her dinner table wobbled and none of her chairs matched. One time I was there and the light above her table had burned out and she mentioned waiting until the beginning of the month to get another light bulb.

She was the happiest person that I had ever met. She loved each one of her boys with all of her heart. She worked hard to raise them individually, not just in survival mode, if you know what I mean. Her apt was clean, she took a lot of pride in it, and always made a snack or some coffee or something when I did my home visits. She always had a special story about something cute one of the boys did. I never once heard her complain about her situation,her ex husband, or any of the choices that she made that lead her to that situation. I will never forget her, and as I have had challenges in my life, I always am reminded of her, and how she was honestly happy and at peace. Her joy came from raising her children.

Night,
Lisa

ssssssssssssss

snakes-I like snakes. I had a Ball Python for a long time. I even like rattlesnakes. They are important to our environment, and people should respect them.

sarcasm-My sense of humor. I love sarcasm.

sage-I love to grow sage, it is a beautiful plant.

salad-I am into salads now.

salt-I love salty stuff, my fave is cheddar sour cream ruffles

sugar- love sugar too, especially chocolate.

scent- I like vanilla scented stuff.

secrets- I am not the best at keeping secrets. I am not a very private person, so it is hard for me to keep a secret unless someone specifically asks me to.

smile- I have been smiling a lot more lately.

should-I get hung up on what I should be doing. I have a huge sense of responsibility to other people and it gets in my way sometimes.

sports- I love to watch my kids play sports.

strawberries- are yummy.Especially w/ sugar and cream.

t is for...

table- I use my parents first dining room table. They wanted something new, after my sister and I moved out. I could not imagine getting rid of something so sentimental. So my sons and I eat there, but no one sits on the chair w/ the seat that was scratched by my booster chair.

tangelos- way better than oranges.

tape recorder- I wonder if my grandkids will even know what that is.

tarantula- Josh had one as a pet for about a year.

teachers- there are good ones, and not so good ones.

television- I could prolly do w/o it, but my kids like to have a billion channels so they can watch the same shows on the same old channels. Guess it is a comfort thing. I do like court tv, lifetime and cmt.

Tennessee- I have always wanted to go there. I have a good friend who lives there. Hi Kristiegk!

tetherball- When Joel was in kindergarten and 1st grade, he played tetherball so much that his hand bled. It was an obsession to him.

Texas- My good friend Vivian lives in Texas.

thankful- I try to count my blessings.

thigh-my favorite piece of chicken.

thirties- I am almost done w/ my thirties,lol.

tiger- Someone told me once that you can't cage a tiger. What if he walks into the cage by himself??

tinker- my dad's life work

traditions- I love traditions.

traffic- hate it, that was a big reason I moved out of PHX.

u is for........

ultimate-The ultimate drink place is Sonic. The ultimate dog is the Chow Chow. The ultimate profession is teacher ( for w/o teachers there would be no other professions). The ultimate job is being a parent, since you are your child's first and most important teacher. The ultimate candy bar is the Hersheys Special Dark. The ulitmate pizza toppings are ham and pineapple.

uncertainty-These are uncertain times we live in. The longer I live the more uncertainty I feel. Of course 20 years ago- I knew everything. The only thing that is certain is that things change and people adapt. Good thing I might have finally figured that out.

uniform-I believe in non conformity. I believe that each of us has to walk our own path. I believe that a toddlers temper tantrum is one of the most important parts of a person's development. I do not believe that anyone, particulary school children should be required to wear a uniform. I personally follow rules and laws w/ almost an anal psychosis, but secretly cheer on those who push that envelope. ( I am obviously not talking about people who commit crimes and hurt other people)

unlikely-
It is unlikely that I will ever-
drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, do drugs, or take narcotic prescription painkillers.
like raw onions
want to stop scrapbooking
totally understand my exes
want to give up caffiene
want to give up chocolate
be a size 7 again
change my opinions about some of my key beliefs
like the music my youngest son likes



uplift-I saw this quote the other day- " Nothing is worth more than the human soul".I am trying to remember that as I try not to let little things that don't really matter irritate me. Is Josh's soul more important than him having a clean room. Of course. Is Joel's belief that the world is a big and rosy place just waiting him to make his mark more important than giving him a dose of my reality? Of course. Is the extra couple of minutes it takes to help someone out worth any incovenience to me? Of course. So, let's try to uplift eachother not tear eachother down. Everyone is having a hard time- let's play nice.

V is for.............

vacuum- I dislike vacuuming. It hurts my wrists, plus I just hate it. Joel is our resident vacuumer. He is planning on bringing his laundry home from college next year for me to do,and he can vacuum for me. Good deal.

value- I value my family. I value my health. I value my peace. I value my intelligence.I value the time that I have left w/ my sons in this house.I value my photographs, videos and other memories.I value children. I value the new relationship and friendships I am developing.

vanilla- I love the smell of vanilla. I get all my smell good stuff in Bath and Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar Scent.I only use real vanilla in baking. I use vanilla candles. And, last but not least, my life is "vanilla" and I like it that way.

Velveeta- I love this totally bad for you stuff. I know it is not a real food, and I just don't care. Yum yum yum!

view- I love the view from my kitchen window. It looks out on the Sawtooth Mountains, and I can see my birdfeeder and birdbath from there.

violence- I was a victim of domestic violence for 10 years. I stayed because I thought it was best for my children to live w/ both of their parents.I thought that I could work it out, after all my parents did not always agree and they have been married for 40 years. For most of that 10 years I was not really really afraid. I did not like it, I knew it was wrong but I did not live in fear every second. Towards the end of the relationship I was in fear. He said if I left he would kill me and I believed him.If you are reading this and you are a victim, take steps to leave so that you can be safe. It does not get better. You are stronger than you know and there are people to help you. He just does not want you to know that.

w is for...

whackadoodle- one of my favorite words, for anyone who is not rational, or if you do something dorky.

waffle- I prefer thin crispy waffles to those poofy belgin waffles.. and only Mrs. Butterworths syrup please.

waist- I have lost 35 lbs now... I almost have one.

The Waltons- I wanted to be Olivia, and have that big ol family. And that cool old truck.

waste- I try not to be wasteful, and to live light on this earth.

watch- I used to have this cool Taz watch. Now I just carry my phone and don't need to wear it anymore.

water- please please drink enough water. Your body will thank you for it.

weed- come on people- aren't we stupid enough??

white westhighland terriers- these cool little doggies that my parents and sister love. They have 5 between them and it is a hoot when they all get together.

west- southwest, to be exact... the only home I know.

wind- don't like it,I get scared if it is really windy.

wings- honey hot wings from Native New Yorker.... heaven on earth

wrong- I don't know as much as I did 20 years ago. I am wrong often now. I don't even care if I am wrong anymore. And, I think thats cool.

Well- I am done now...

x is for

x-ray- I have had lots of x-rays throughout my life. As a a pre-teen/teenager I had scoliosis so I had to have the curvature of my spine x-rayed on a regular basis. I sprained both my ankles in my lifetime and have had those x-rayed as well. Last time I went to the doctor I had just about every joint x-rayed. That was fun...

xylophone- I got to play the xylophone one week in marching band after I had had some oral surgery and was not able to play my piccolo. I love the way they sound.


X-rated- K, here are my thoughts on porn- ( not that you asked, mind you but there sure are not many words that start w/ X).I am personally neither offended nor turned on by porn. I do not believe it degrades women, I actually believe it degrades the men who look at it. I do not care if anyone else likes it, as long as everyone who is involved is an adult. I would not be upset if my man enjoyed porn, as long as he enjoyed me just a little bit more.

y is for-

yard sales- I used to love them, now I have way too much of my own crap to need to shop for someone elses,lol.
yogurt- I love yoplait vanilla yogurt. Nothing else will do.
yellow- I really like yellow flowers, particularly daffodils.
yes- I look for ways to tell my children yes. That way when I have to tell them no they know it is for a good reason.
yellow pages- I knew I was going to like my small town when I saw the phone book was only 8x10 and maybe an inch and a half thick. I moved from Phoenix where we had 3 really big ol heavy phone books.
yeah- I know it is bad grammar to use, but I say yeah all of the time.

z is for-

I was reading back through some old entries the other day and I realized I stopped doing the alpha thing. I of course can't remember where I left off so I figure I will start at the end and go backwards. That is usually how I operate anyway- going about something from the wrong side,lol.
anyway- z is for-
zoloft- I have several family members who take it and all I can say is I thank God for zoloft- what a difference it has made in their lives ( and mine)

zoo-I love going to the zoo.I used to take my boys there all of the time when they were small. One time, Joel was 19 months, Josh was newborn and their dad and I took them to the zoo. I was exhausted- and Joel was SO excited to be there. He loved every animal- did not want to miss a thing. He was resisting being in the stroller,and he always hated to hold my hand. I was almost in tears after being there for an hour or so. We walk up to the tiger exhibit, and there is a sweet little girl there, sitting nicely in her stroller. I was thinking to myself- why didn't I get one of those,lol. Her mom was watching Joel squeal and try to climb out of the stoller. I was trying to nurse Josh, and as usual their dad was somewhere w/ his head up you know where. I was telling Joel to be careful. I thought he was gonna flip the stoller over or take off on me. Her mom says to me "Man, I wish my daughter was that excited about the animals- she doesn't even seem to care that we are here". Isn't that funny- two people each wanting what they don't have.Joel has always been intense. Wonder where he gets it from. I did not realize it then, but I am definately not a girls mom. I would not be cut out for that!

zodiac- I love to read it for fun, and I am a typical Virgo, but I don't actually believe in astrology.

Zero- number of daughters I have, number of alcoholic drinks I have had, number of cigarettes I have smoked, and the amount of chocolate I have in the house right now.

What a day!

I had a flat tire this morning ( big bummer).

I somehow missed a call from my lawyer about my car accident ( bigger bummer,lol). Gonna have to call her back tomorrow.

I did get to see a good friend today- totally changed the mood of the day. We watched some movies, talked a lot- it was a good day.

Sunday I slept most of the day ( oops- I never do that,lol) today I dealt w/ the tire and hung w/ my friend. That means that tomorrow I better get all my stuff done that I gotta get done.

My dad is coming over tomorrow to help do all the guy stuff that needs to be done around here. He is just the best dad a gal could ask for I tell you.

Well, I'm off..........

yo

So I am out of titles again,lol.

I was forced to update this blogger account. You know I was forced to, otherwise I would never have switched to the new and improved blogger. I dislike change and for goodness sake- what was wrong w/ the old blogger. It says nothing has changed, but it is new and improved............ whatever.

I can now blog in Hindu. Cool- I will get right on that.

OK- so I am so tired. I have not been able to fall asleep before 11 one night this week- what the heck is that about?? And I had my first dream about work last night- ugh!

I am really liking my job now- I have some more skills- I don't feel clueless all day
(just part of it)

I scrapbooked last night for the first time in ages, since my friend Vivian was here from Texas. I need to get back in the habit. I think I don't scrap as often since I don't have large blocks of time all at once like I used to. How did I used to do that when I worked before.... I forget,lol.

I got my guitar out the night before that also- haven't touched that in at least a year. I think I suck, Joel was impressed,lol. Honestly I don't play well- just good enough that 3 and 4 yr olds don't throw stuff at you.

Most heard phrases around our house these days........................
"Who drank all the sweet tea?"
"It is not my turn to let in the dogs"
"Are you ever going to cook, mom?"
"Who made this mess?"
"Can you turn down your radio?"
and since gas is 3 freaking dollars a gallon... "Mom... can I have some more money?"

josh at his last paintball tourney

 

Josh had the opportunity to go to CA for a pump paintball tournament. He had an awesome time. His team did not do well, but they are going to another tournament this weekend so they have another chance at well, whatever they have a chance at,lol.

Joel is in San Luis,AZ today playing baseball. San Luis is right on the border of Mexico, and when he is there his phone actually thinks he is in Mexico. It is a good hike from here, and I have TONS to do so I am just staying home today.

This week is National Telecommunicators Week.( I had no idea there was such a thing, but 911 dispatchers are recognized nationally this week, and our fire and police depts take the time to acknowledge us I guess) Our Fire Chief had a dinner for us last night, and I got to meet some of the people that work in that department. That was pretty cool. They have all been working together for quite awhile so I got to hear lots of funny stories, and get some history.

I am now down 27 lbs and my pants do not fit,lol. I tried to buy pants over the weekend but did not have any luck. I am going to have to head out of town I am afraid.

OK- lots to do and little time... peace out. 

It's official.....

I am old.

I was at walmart yesterday. I was there the day before, but since I am old I forgot several things and had to go back.

There were lots of young families there, little kids, young cute mommies. They were buying beach towels, sand toys, diapers, etc. I was buying splints for my wrists ( work is killing me,lol) rolaids, and air freshener cuz my teenage sons stink.

Time marches on......

no good deed goes unpunished...

So almost 2 weeks ago I was in a car accident. Totally not my fault, but as usual, the not at fault person gets screwed the worst,lol.

I was rear ended in the freeway, we were both going fast ( him obviously faster than me,lol). I have pretty significant damage to my car, and I actually had whiplash. I felt good last week and now, I am still having some problems so I am gonna have to get that looked at I guess.

He did stop and pull over, and was a pretty nice guy about the whole thing. I would never have known who hit me ( it was dark) had he not stopped. He called his insurance right away, they gave me a policy number and I decided not to call the police. All I wanted was compensation for my car.

Well, his insurance company is now jacking me around. I just started my new job and really don't have the time or energy to deal w/ this, ya know?I contaced an attorney today, so hopefully that will get things started.

I talked w/ John a little bit this weekend. I miss him. I wish I knew where this was going. I guess we never do- you know the saying.. If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. I have had my entire life planned out since the first day of kindergarten. Needless to say.. it hasn't quite worked out as I thought,lol. I have had to re invent myself now for the third time. It sure gets harder as you get older, but at the same time, I am really liking my life right now. I like the people that I work w/, I am starting to feel more competent, I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in as long as I can remember.

Welp... he's gone

and I am so sad! I feel like a big ol dork- I didn't really know John that long, but there will be an emptiness w/ him gone.

I also feel like a dork because, for heaven's sakes, I just ended a 10 year relationship and I was much less upset about that. Like really happy, lol not upset at all, and here I am, knowing John for 6 weeks or whatever, and I feel kicked in the gut.

I knew he was leaving the day I met him. I thought it was going to be in July, at first, and that was cool w/ me, cuz after all- I wasn't looking. Then, it got moved up to April, but I was still fine, cuz we were just having fun.

Then, we started having feelings for eachother, things got intense. I still knew he was leaving, but we were supposed to be able to see eachother one more time. Just once more. That was the plan. Now, I dunno what the plan is. If we had known eachother longer, we could have decided what the plan was.

Things change, we have no control over them. The heart wants what the heart wants. Will I ever see him again? Will I ever hear his voice again? Is he being honest about why he is leaving? Does he really want to come back and see me again? I don't want to see anyone else, but how long does a person not see someone else? I guess you don't see anyone else as long as you don't want to, and when you do, then you do.

I guess I have to realize that I have no regrets here. I would have still done everything exactly the same- you know, I could have missed the pain, but then I would have missed the dance.(Thanks Garth). I learned so much, had so much fun, found the type of man I would like to see myself with. Hopefully, someday, it is him. If not, then I had a great ride and met someone who was great to know.