perception

There are a lot of things that are just a matter of perception.

A friend said to me last night that she thought I was always happy and content w/ my life.I was totally surprised to hear that, because the last couple of years have been really rough for me. I have been pretty happy the last few months, but it has been an uphill struggle to say the least.

One thing I do work hard at is counting my blessings. Every night, my kids are home, in their beds and healthy. They are smart, well adjusted, independant thinkers and respectful. I am not in a hospital w/ one of them fighting for their lives, they are not missing. Every day we eat good food. We have a place to live, a vehicle to drive and electricity and running water. Each of us has a hobby that we enjoy. We love and care about eachother.

Another reason that I believe I am a basically happy person is that I have the right perspective about money. ( Not everyone agrees w/ me,lol particularly my ex) There are people who are very wealthy, who will never be happy- their perception of the importance of money is, in my opinion, skewed. They place a greater value on money than truly exists. Then, there are people who do not have enough money, who are also never going to be happy, again, because they place too high a value on money. They wish for things that they can not afford, and in reality do not need. People on both ends of the spectrum just need to count their blessings more.

All of that said- if I allow myself, I can be a very sad and/or angry woman. I have had a pretty tough life( who hasn't). My father was an alcoholic.I married a physically abusive man, and stayed for almost 12 years. I then married an alcoholic. I have raised two boys almost exclusively by myself. I have had financial problems most of my adult life. I have a child w/ a chronic medical problem and behavorial health problems. I, myself, have a chronic degenerative medical condition, and something somewhere hurts every day. So, I have made a choice NOT to allow myself to allow any of these things to rob me a minute of peace in my today, or in my future. Some of these things that happened were my own choices. Some were cards I was dealt. None of them need to be a part of my today.Today, I can be thankful for my blessings and the strength I have been blessed w/ from my past.

That said, just like everyone else I have bad days. Today, happens to be one of them. I feel like crap. There is someone in my life who I miss terribly- I actually feel an ache in my heart. Several stressful things happened this afternoon.I did not want to deal w/ them, I wanted to lie down on the couch w/ a magazine. I wanted a nap. I wanted to see this special person that I miss so much. Then, because I am a nut, I start feeling guilty for being upset. After all, there are people w/ real problems. What I had going on today would be a great day for some.So, I am feeling down, and feeling guilty as if I have no right.That really can mess w/ a girl,lol.

I am no superhuman that has no bad days. I am not cold to emotion- I feel heartache like anyone else. I am not a perfect woman only having perfect days.

Everything is just a matter of perception.Instead of being upset that I don't feel good, I need to be thankful that I can walk. Instead of feeling that ache, I need to remember why I feel it- I am in love! As for the stressful things that happened, it is because I have a home to live in, beautiful children to care for and a job. All of those things are blessings!

Getting off of my soapbox now.....

went to the dr. today

I told my boys I had a dr appt. today. Usually I get the whole why are you being a baby and going to the dr thing, but today they seemed concerned. I did not feel well yesterday- not sick like go to the dr sick , just didn't feel good.

Anyway, this was not that kind of appt- it was every woman's favorite appt. I told the guys not to worry that I was fine. They kept pressing the issue so I finally had to tell them.

Joel said "EWWWW" lol. I said, my thoughts exactly.

Anyway, I love my doc, and it went fine. Everything is good.

I have dropped some more weight- so that's good too!

Tomorrow I am going to get up, and go have a manicure and then I am going to come home and scrapbook all day. I am sooo looking forward to that.

I have a whole list of phone calls that are the kind where you wait on hold forfreakingever tomorrow, so I figure I will scrap and hold the phone to one ear. Hows that for multi tasking,lol.

Anyway- take care everyone!

so close.... yet so far

So my divorce will be final Aug 17. I think that sounds far away- everyone else says it seems so quick. Guess it is all a matter of perspective, plus- I tend to be on the impatient side.

Anyway,good things are happening to me these days still. I am madly, over the top in love, my job is going well, my kids are doing well. Time for me to hit the hay- only plesant dreams here!

It's a great day to be alive.........

ahh one of my favorite songs.

Anyway, I figured it was just as good as any for a title.

10 reasons it is great to be alive for me today:


1. The three of us are healthy, we have good food to eat today and a roof over our heads. Who needs more than that?

2.My dog just came over and licked my cheek. Awwww..........

3.I have a Monk DVD from Netflix to watch today.

4.I went to the grocery store on my way home from work today and bought food that we can eat that does not involve me having to cook it for breakfast lunch and dinner. Woo Hoo!

5.I am happy about where my life is going and for the first time in a very long time I am looking forward to the future!

6.I have some good girlfriends. Really good. Love that.

7.My dad is coming over tomorrow to do the man stuff that needs to be done around here.

8.Tonight is Karaoke night for me!( I know, I'm a goofball)

9. I found some new tea- strawberry- yum, can't wait till it's done.

10. All 3 of us have the day off of work! Hope I can convince these teenagers to spend some time w/ their boring old mom.

I hope it is a great day to be alive for you..... if it's not- consider the alternative!

Lisa

my deep thought for the day.....

On at least 2 occasions yessterday I noticed how very little my family thinks I can handle when I am a single woman.

Reflecting on this, it happened last time too, either I did not notice it at the time or I had long since forgotten.

My vacuum sucks ( or it actually doesn't as the case may be) and I mentioned to Joel that I was going to look for a new one. Joel thinks I should wait until he can go w/ me, because at 17 he knows more about them since he is a boy.

I decided that I might go and tan one or two times, since I am working nights and never hardly see the light of day. Both my boys acted like I have no functioning brain cells.

My parents do the same type of thing.

I can honestly say that I like to be married. I am a good wife. I have not been so good about picking the right person to be married to, but thats another story. However, I am perfectly capable ( probably even more so when I don't have someone to count on) of handling my life. I have raised these boys almost alone. I make decisions every day. I have never been arrested, I have never been in a car accident that was my fault. I have never fallen victim to a nigerian email scam. I can handle choosing a vacuum, weighing the risks of tanning, calling for a tow truck and the other issues that face americans today.

Today I have decided to realize that this comes from concern and love for me, and not really a lack of faith. Hopefully I rememember that next time it happens....

Paperwork filed.Nuff said on that,lol.

Busy day tomorrow again, but thats good.

I went to the library today, for the first time in ages. I got a few good books on a few topis I am interested in these days. I am a non fiction reader.I hardly ever read any fiction although as a teenager I loved to read trashy romance novels.

Now I am looking for a book of sheet music online. I had one, it is the best ever, and now since I moved I can not find it anywhere. Of course it is prolly out of print,lol. I think I will check ebay.

Work is going pretty good, I love my new truck, and life in general is going pretty good.

I am going to attempt a better entry tomorrow- this one blows but I am tired,lol.