but barely,lol.
Been working a lot, which is both good and bad.I am back on nights, and have weekends off. That is kinda cool, haven't had that in awhile. Maybe I can snare me a man??
ok sorry to be lame for my first blog entry in over 6 months but:
2 things I am wearing:
1) denim dress
2) sandals ( shh they are a brand name sandal that my mom and sister are into- I thought they were crazy to be this excited over a flipping shoe, but they really are comfy)
2 names I have been called:
there are many,lol but nice ones are
1) Lisa, not a lot of nicknames for that one
2) teacherlisa- that was a huge part of my identity for many years. Preschoolers all over az called me "Teacherlisa"... I miss it.
2 things I like to do:
go to the zoo
go to karaoke
2 things I want:
love
sleep
2 favorite beverages
sweet tea
chocolate diet cokes from sonic
2 pets:
Charlie ( my first dog)
Taz ( my favorite dog)
2 things I did yesterday:
work
sleep
2 people I talked to today:
Joel
Josh
2 things I am doing tomorrow:
work
sleep ( see the pattern)
2 longest car rides:
the ride home from carlsbad NM
my sister and I in the back of a stationwagon arguing for 4 days as we drove home from WI as kids.
Gonna go to the zoo tonight, then karaoke. I hope to do more blog entries than I have been lol- just in case anyone still checks on me.
About Me
- Lisa
- I was a preschool teacher for almost 20 years. I had lots of wonderful experiences. I have now been a 911 dispatcher for 6 yrs now.I love animals,small towns, good food ,karaoke, baseball and walking around our local zoo. Makes me feel at home,lol. I live and breathe scrapbooking and my two adult sons. They really are what is most important in my life.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Monday, November 19, 2007
Thanksgiving
So my dorky family has determined that Thanksgiving is just a waste of time. I'm sad about that. Family is it for me, you know? And I was born into this family that just doesn't see things my way. I feel like that one normal chick on the Munsters. I am surrounded by freaks! My sister is going one way, my parents another.
I did convince my kids that it was in their best interest to spend time w/ me that day,lol. Josh wants to have hamburgers for thanksgiving Joel wants ham.LOL I am telling you freaks!
I have to work on Thanksgiving. I'm not upset about it, it is how it is. I get to be off for Christmas though. Looking forward to that, although I might take myself somewhere far far away. I sorta am getting itchy, ready to run. Feeling a little wild, restless.
Did some online shopping. I think the albums I use are getting ready to be discontinued. I panicked and ordered a lifetime supply,lol.
I better get back to scrapbooking......
I did convince my kids that it was in their best interest to spend time w/ me that day,lol. Josh wants to have hamburgers for thanksgiving Joel wants ham.LOL I am telling you freaks!
I have to work on Thanksgiving. I'm not upset about it, it is how it is. I get to be off for Christmas though. Looking forward to that, although I might take myself somewhere far far away. I sorta am getting itchy, ready to run. Feeling a little wild, restless.
Did some online shopping. I think the albums I use are getting ready to be discontinued. I panicked and ordered a lifetime supply,lol.
I better get back to scrapbooking......
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
There is no I in team
There are a few things that are not my favorite about my new job, sorta why they call it work, I guess.
But one of the things that I just don't really understand is the lack of teamwork and professionalism. Of course, not everyone is like this, but it is surely the worst place I have worked with regard to these two issues.
We have two shifts, and that in itself is tough. I don't believe we as people are actually designed to work 12 hr shifts,lol. But we all are doing it. We get three glorious days off each week, and that is nice. There is a lot of competition between the shifts. I don't get that- we are all doing the same job- just at different times. Let's be kind to eachtoher and help eachother out. There are comments everyday like " Those people on day shift, blah blah blah" or the reverse about the night shift.
Last I checked everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has things they are good at, everyone has things they can improve upon. Look for the strengths in others, and look for ways to improve yourself. Please.
I think we waste a lot of energy and peace that we could have for ourselves with things like this.
But one of the things that I just don't really understand is the lack of teamwork and professionalism. Of course, not everyone is like this, but it is surely the worst place I have worked with regard to these two issues.
We have two shifts, and that in itself is tough. I don't believe we as people are actually designed to work 12 hr shifts,lol. But we all are doing it. We get three glorious days off each week, and that is nice. There is a lot of competition between the shifts. I don't get that- we are all doing the same job- just at different times. Let's be kind to eachtoher and help eachother out. There are comments everyday like " Those people on day shift, blah blah blah" or the reverse about the night shift.
Last I checked everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has things they are good at, everyone has things they can improve upon. Look for the strengths in others, and look for ways to improve yourself. Please.
I think we waste a lot of energy and peace that we could have for ourselves with things like this.
Friday, October 19, 2007
OK-I warned you
This post will be the longest in the history of the earth.This post will be about miscarriage. It will be about the first time I seriously thought about leaving my kids' dad.
Let me back up to when I first realized I was pregnant. Although I had wanted a third child,my husband did not. We were not trying to get pregnant, I was taking the pill. My husband, of course, blamed me for getting pregnant. That is a good trick,eh?
My husband wanted me to get an abortion. I am pro choice for other people, pro life for myself. I told him no. He said he would leave if I did not.
I could not decide what to do. This is the proverbial rock and hard place. I have two sons who adore their father. I was proud of still being married to my husband, and our family intact.Is it a bigger sin to divorce or to have an abortion?
I started having physical signs of stress. I turned to my best friends and pastor for guidance.One day, while one of my good friends was there ( who happened to be male) listening to me go on and on about this, my husband came home and became furious that he was there at the house.( Never mind that I had 2 kids there, everyone had all of their clothes on- he decided we were having an affair.) He claimed to be coming home to tell me to go ahead and keep the baby but that although he would not leave he was done taking care of the boys and this future child.
In the end, it would not be up to either of us. I started spotting at work. I was a preschool teacher for Head Start at that time, in a school an hr away from my hometown.I called my doctor, he advised me to go home, and come in to his office the first appointment after lunch. I called my husband to tell him. He said "OK" as if it were nothing.
I got my things together, got some help for my assistant teacher and headed for home. I called my husband again to see if he could pick up our 3 year old from preschool.I was feeling ill and the spotting had gotten worse. I was cramping, and very upset. I was worried that I might not be able to pick him up later.He said no. It was out of his way from work and plus since I was coming home there was no reason for him to do so.
I stopped into the preschool for him, called my brother in law to see if he could help watch him while I went to the doctor so I did not have to take a 3 yr old with me.My brother in law was happy to do it. He was only 16 and more help than my husband. Go figure.
I was weak by the time I got home, everything was much worse. I called my husband, who called me a drama queen,but he did call his grandmother over so my brother in law could drive me to the doctor. How big of him,eh?
My husbands' grandma was wonderful. She kept the kids busy, and let me rest. My brother in law and I went off to the doctor.
The doctor got me in right away, and confirmed my worst fears. I was miscarrying this baby that I had fought so hard to keep. I was devastated. My poor brother in law, again, aged 16 did not know what to do. He said some of the nicest words ever to me "I wish I could make it OK". I need to email him and tell him how much those words meant to me, I think I never let him know.
I called my husband. He said he was too busy at work to come home. My brother in law left but my husbands' grandmother stayed.
Some women barely feel anything physically. I had wonderful labors, so you would think this would not really be a big deal, I was only about 9 weeks. Well, I had some really bad cramping and really, could hardly walk/stand.I stayed in bed.
When my husband came home, he told his grandma that she could go. He then came in and told me that if I thought that I was going to lie there all night feeling sorry for myself while he did all of the work I was crazy. I got up to try to make dinner. I was having a difficult time. He told me to get out of there, that I was disgusting.
The boys sat on the bed with me and watched TV. I told them I was "a little sick". They were worried, as they do now when I am sick. I was so so so sad.
A few hours later, I had an urge to go to the restroom, where I miscarried the baby. The doctor had told me that would happen, so I was sort of prepared. I was supposed to save it, blah blah blah, so they could see what happened.I asked my husband to help. He said he would be there when there was a commercial.I handled it.
I asked him, if at a commercial he could put the kids to bed. He did but complained, and refused to read them the stories that they were used to. I got up and read them their stories.
He came to bed about an hour later and told me he did not know why I was so sad since this whole entire thing was my fault anyway. I cried myself to sleep.
I got counseling after that. I was so sad. I was sad about the baby, I was sad about my marriage.
I had lots of support from work, from my coworkers to parents of kids in my class. They had told my class that I had "lost my baby" and that when I came back to work I might be a little sad about it.
My first day back to work was hard. I had a long commute, lots of time for thinking. I used to sing in the car,now I don't think I will ever sing again. Maybe I will never smile. Everyone in the room was watching me. Trying hard to make sure that it would be as easy as possible. No one knew what to say, if they should say anything or not. Adults can have a tough time with this,being afraid of saying the wrong thing. One of the kids in my class came to me, held my hand and said "Teacherlisa, next time, hold your baby really really close so you don't loose it". Her mother was mortified. She went to pull her away, I pulled her close to me. Those were some beautiful, thoughtful words. This special child, only 4 years old,had the courage to say something, from her heart. She cared so much for me. I will never forget her. She is an example for all of us- say what is in your heart.
That was 13 years ago, and all of us are fine.
Lisa
Let me back up to when I first realized I was pregnant. Although I had wanted a third child,my husband did not. We were not trying to get pregnant, I was taking the pill. My husband, of course, blamed me for getting pregnant. That is a good trick,eh?
My husband wanted me to get an abortion. I am pro choice for other people, pro life for myself. I told him no. He said he would leave if I did not.
I could not decide what to do. This is the proverbial rock and hard place. I have two sons who adore their father. I was proud of still being married to my husband, and our family intact.Is it a bigger sin to divorce or to have an abortion?
I started having physical signs of stress. I turned to my best friends and pastor for guidance.One day, while one of my good friends was there ( who happened to be male) listening to me go on and on about this, my husband came home and became furious that he was there at the house.( Never mind that I had 2 kids there, everyone had all of their clothes on- he decided we were having an affair.) He claimed to be coming home to tell me to go ahead and keep the baby but that although he would not leave he was done taking care of the boys and this future child.
In the end, it would not be up to either of us. I started spotting at work. I was a preschool teacher for Head Start at that time, in a school an hr away from my hometown.I called my doctor, he advised me to go home, and come in to his office the first appointment after lunch. I called my husband to tell him. He said "OK" as if it were nothing.
I got my things together, got some help for my assistant teacher and headed for home. I called my husband again to see if he could pick up our 3 year old from preschool.I was feeling ill and the spotting had gotten worse. I was cramping, and very upset. I was worried that I might not be able to pick him up later.He said no. It was out of his way from work and plus since I was coming home there was no reason for him to do so.
I stopped into the preschool for him, called my brother in law to see if he could help watch him while I went to the doctor so I did not have to take a 3 yr old with me.My brother in law was happy to do it. He was only 16 and more help than my husband. Go figure.
I was weak by the time I got home, everything was much worse. I called my husband, who called me a drama queen,but he did call his grandmother over so my brother in law could drive me to the doctor. How big of him,eh?
My husbands' grandma was wonderful. She kept the kids busy, and let me rest. My brother in law and I went off to the doctor.
The doctor got me in right away, and confirmed my worst fears. I was miscarrying this baby that I had fought so hard to keep. I was devastated. My poor brother in law, again, aged 16 did not know what to do. He said some of the nicest words ever to me "I wish I could make it OK". I need to email him and tell him how much those words meant to me, I think I never let him know.
I called my husband. He said he was too busy at work to come home. My brother in law left but my husbands' grandmother stayed.
Some women barely feel anything physically. I had wonderful labors, so you would think this would not really be a big deal, I was only about 9 weeks. Well, I had some really bad cramping and really, could hardly walk/stand.I stayed in bed.
When my husband came home, he told his grandma that she could go. He then came in and told me that if I thought that I was going to lie there all night feeling sorry for myself while he did all of the work I was crazy. I got up to try to make dinner. I was having a difficult time. He told me to get out of there, that I was disgusting.
The boys sat on the bed with me and watched TV. I told them I was "a little sick". They were worried, as they do now when I am sick. I was so so so sad.
A few hours later, I had an urge to go to the restroom, where I miscarried the baby. The doctor had told me that would happen, so I was sort of prepared. I was supposed to save it, blah blah blah, so they could see what happened.I asked my husband to help. He said he would be there when there was a commercial.I handled it.
I asked him, if at a commercial he could put the kids to bed. He did but complained, and refused to read them the stories that they were used to. I got up and read them their stories.
He came to bed about an hour later and told me he did not know why I was so sad since this whole entire thing was my fault anyway. I cried myself to sleep.
I got counseling after that. I was so sad. I was sad about the baby, I was sad about my marriage.
I had lots of support from work, from my coworkers to parents of kids in my class. They had told my class that I had "lost my baby" and that when I came back to work I might be a little sad about it.
My first day back to work was hard. I had a long commute, lots of time for thinking. I used to sing in the car,now I don't think I will ever sing again. Maybe I will never smile. Everyone in the room was watching me. Trying hard to make sure that it would be as easy as possible. No one knew what to say, if they should say anything or not. Adults can have a tough time with this,being afraid of saying the wrong thing. One of the kids in my class came to me, held my hand and said "Teacherlisa, next time, hold your baby really really close so you don't loose it". Her mother was mortified. She went to pull her away, I pulled her close to me. Those were some beautiful, thoughtful words. This special child, only 4 years old,had the courage to say something, from her heart. She cared so much for me. I will never forget her. She is an example for all of us- say what is in your heart.
That was 13 years ago, and all of us are fine.
Lisa
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Reflecting
I was reading some comments before and came across one that said "Who would have thought that things would have changed that much" Well, not me.
I knew things needed to change, and I knew they were going to( as change is inevitable, plus I was making some changes).
As I had mentioned before I was really at a low point in my life at this time last year. I was facing some tough choices, and some tough stuff was being thrown at me.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so they say, but I sure didn't feel it. How could I go on, how could I continue to fight? I had no energy to deal with the things I HAD to deal with. I did not see any way to the other side.
I am so devoted to my kids, so I plugged away at it. Survived. Did what I absolutely had to do each day. Nothing else. Had to get a job, a new place to live. Blah blah blah. I am a big proponent of "fake it till you make it". And, I did.
I didn't think I would be happy.I thought I would always be in survival mode. I thought Joel moving out would put me back however many steps I had moved forward. I thought I could never like any other home other than the house I had in Maricopa.I thought I would always be driving that car that was barely moving down the road.And of course, my heart was closed forever.
That was only 11 months ago, and it seems like a lifetime. I don't even recognize that time in my life.
I am happy. More now than ever. I am living, not surviving. I miss Joel ( ok, sometimes I miss him, sometimes I enjoy the quiet). My house now is fine, and as crazy as it sounds I could actually see myself moving to a totally different place than the place I have always known. I am driving a car that works, and doesn't cause me stress every time I turn over the key.
And, as the saying goes, you find love when you are not looking for it. It really didn't matter that I had decided to go it alone. Work, make new friends, finish raising my kids, get hobbies. I had decided I was just too different from most people to actually find someone that I would be happy to be with, and that would be happy to be with me. I am overjoyed to say that I have found that. Well, he found me.
If ever I am at another point in my life I hope to remember the "Everything happens for a reason" schpiel and all that.
Ok- that is about as much sappiness as I can stand, so the next few posts are going to be about some rough times from my 20's. They will seem vastly different from these posts. They were from another low point, and I think it is good to reflect on those as well. I do NOT feel sorry for myself- so you don't either. But don't read them if you will be disturbed about stories of abuse, violence or miscarriage.( I know I have some softhearted friends out there,lol) I am fine, they were two lifetimes ago.......
Lisa
I knew things needed to change, and I knew they were going to( as change is inevitable, plus I was making some changes).
As I had mentioned before I was really at a low point in my life at this time last year. I was facing some tough choices, and some tough stuff was being thrown at me.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so they say, but I sure didn't feel it. How could I go on, how could I continue to fight? I had no energy to deal with the things I HAD to deal with. I did not see any way to the other side.
I am so devoted to my kids, so I plugged away at it. Survived. Did what I absolutely had to do each day. Nothing else. Had to get a job, a new place to live. Blah blah blah. I am a big proponent of "fake it till you make it". And, I did.
I didn't think I would be happy.I thought I would always be in survival mode. I thought Joel moving out would put me back however many steps I had moved forward. I thought I could never like any other home other than the house I had in Maricopa.I thought I would always be driving that car that was barely moving down the road.And of course, my heart was closed forever.
That was only 11 months ago, and it seems like a lifetime. I don't even recognize that time in my life.
I am happy. More now than ever. I am living, not surviving. I miss Joel ( ok, sometimes I miss him, sometimes I enjoy the quiet). My house now is fine, and as crazy as it sounds I could actually see myself moving to a totally different place than the place I have always known. I am driving a car that works, and doesn't cause me stress every time I turn over the key.
And, as the saying goes, you find love when you are not looking for it. It really didn't matter that I had decided to go it alone. Work, make new friends, finish raising my kids, get hobbies. I had decided I was just too different from most people to actually find someone that I would be happy to be with, and that would be happy to be with me. I am overjoyed to say that I have found that. Well, he found me.
If ever I am at another point in my life I hope to remember the "Everything happens for a reason" schpiel and all that.
Ok- that is about as much sappiness as I can stand, so the next few posts are going to be about some rough times from my 20's. They will seem vastly different from these posts. They were from another low point, and I think it is good to reflect on those as well. I do NOT feel sorry for myself- so you don't either. But don't read them if you will be disturbed about stories of abuse, violence or miscarriage.( I know I have some softhearted friends out there,lol) I am fine, they were two lifetimes ago.......
Lisa
Friday, October 12, 2007
sleep work sleep
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
I did nothing exciting because all I did was sleep work sleep. It's the story of my life really.
Josh and I did spend some time together, watching Law and Order SVU. We are on season 2 now.
I don't think Joel has been home in 3 weeks now. I have been to see him, I go once a week on my way to Karaoke,lol.
He is all about putting the past behind him, skipping this weeks High School Homecoming Football Game to attend his Frat party.This was the kid that planned to not miss any games. He is even taking his laundry to my mom's. I am a little misty over that one,lol. Proud, but missing him.
Take care,
Lisa
I did nothing exciting because all I did was sleep work sleep. It's the story of my life really.
Josh and I did spend some time together, watching Law and Order SVU. We are on season 2 now.
I don't think Joel has been home in 3 weeks now. I have been to see him, I go once a week on my way to Karaoke,lol.
He is all about putting the past behind him, skipping this weeks High School Homecoming Football Game to attend his Frat party.This was the kid that planned to not miss any games. He is even taking his laundry to my mom's. I am a little misty over that one,lol. Proud, but missing him.
Take care,
Lisa
Sunday, October 07, 2007
hey there
Feeling blessed today.
Lots of exciting things going on next week, for me. All of us at work are going to some additional training, on giving pre arrival medical instructions to callers in need of EMS services. Even though it means working on one of my days off for the training, and another of my days off to allow the others to go to training, I am excited about it.Love learning new stuff.
I need to go shopping for some new clothes,especially pants.I have lost a little more weight,and it is very very cold in my office at work. Like you don't need to put your lunch in the fridge cold. Like I bring gloves cold. Brrrrrr.I think I am going to have to switch from my Chocolate Diet Coke to some kind of hot coffee drink.
I found this wonderful new bread,made by Sara Lee. It is called thick sliced or something like that. I can only find it at Walmart but I love love love it. It is just the best and I have been eating more sandwiches and toast than I should,lol.
I am hoping to get to the Tucson Zoo in the next couple weeks,they have polar bears there,and I love them,lol. OK so gotta run, getting busy here...
Lots of exciting things going on next week, for me. All of us at work are going to some additional training, on giving pre arrival medical instructions to callers in need of EMS services. Even though it means working on one of my days off for the training, and another of my days off to allow the others to go to training, I am excited about it.Love learning new stuff.
I need to go shopping for some new clothes,especially pants.I have lost a little more weight,and it is very very cold in my office at work. Like you don't need to put your lunch in the fridge cold. Like I bring gloves cold. Brrrrrr.I think I am going to have to switch from my Chocolate Diet Coke to some kind of hot coffee drink.
I found this wonderful new bread,made by Sara Lee. It is called thick sliced or something like that. I can only find it at Walmart but I love love love it. It is just the best and I have been eating more sandwiches and toast than I should,lol.
I am hoping to get to the Tucson Zoo in the next couple weeks,they have polar bears there,and I love them,lol. OK so gotta run, getting busy here...
Thursday, September 27, 2007
hey hey hey
I went to visit John last week, so sweet but so short.
My work schedule is not changing- whew. I don't love working nights, but I hate change even more,lol. It also really doesn't matter when you work 12 hr shifts, because you are either working, driving to and from work or sleeping. Doesn't really matter what order you do it in, ya know? Work has been tough lately, several shootings and a young child dying under suspicious circumstances. Rough stuff,ya know?
For the past 2 weeks on my days off I have been taking a class for work. It's done now, passed my test, blah blah blah. Two more weeks starting another class, that will go 3 weeks on my days off. OT is great but whew- I am gonna be tired.
Joel is doing well at school- loves it there. His room is almost empty now, he took his couch last week,lol.
Have a good one,
Lisa
My work schedule is not changing- whew. I don't love working nights, but I hate change even more,lol. It also really doesn't matter when you work 12 hr shifts, because you are either working, driving to and from work or sleeping. Doesn't really matter what order you do it in, ya know? Work has been tough lately, several shootings and a young child dying under suspicious circumstances. Rough stuff,ya know?
For the past 2 weeks on my days off I have been taking a class for work. It's done now, passed my test, blah blah blah. Two more weeks starting another class, that will go 3 weeks on my days off. OT is great but whew- I am gonna be tired.
Joel is doing well at school- loves it there. His room is almost empty now, he took his couch last week,lol.
Have a good one,
Lisa
Saturday, September 15, 2007
bleep
Lots goin on here. My work schedule is changing- not real happy about it, but it is what it is.
John will be back in the US for a bit, hoping to get to see him before he has to leave again. He is gonna be a little drive from me so I gotta work it out.
Well, I am kinda tired and can't think of anything else to say.
Remember,
Yesterday is a memory.
The future isn't ours to see.
Today is a gift-
thats why they call it the present.
Take care of eachother.
Lisa
John will be back in the US for a bit, hoping to get to see him before he has to leave again. He is gonna be a little drive from me so I gotta work it out.
Well, I am kinda tired and can't think of anything else to say.
Remember,
Yesterday is a memory.
The future isn't ours to see.
Today is a gift-
thats why they call it the present.
Take care of eachother.
Lisa
Sunday, September 09, 2007
mindless drivel
I have been enjoying Monk and Law and Order SVU on dvd from netflix lately.
Josh likes Law and Order as well,so we have been trying to catch a few minutes together to watch it.
Looking forward to my weekend, which is Mon, Tues, and Weds. I usually take Monday to recover from the workweek, sleeping, catching up on laundry and cleaning house, so I can enjoy it the rest of my days off.Tues I hit the grocery store, because the boys have usually cleaned me out,lol.
I think I am going to make an effort to scrapbook this weekend, and finish this roll of film. I have no idea what's even on it. Always a surprise,lol.
Gonna get a haircut too, it's been awhile.
Text messaging. I never thought I would like it. I only started it because I wanted to keep up w/ my teenagers- they love it. It makes me cool-heh. I also have a girlfriend that is a texting queen. Gotta keep up w/ her too. And, then, there's John. We text as often as possible. Pretty amazing how that even works. Not quite as good as IM, but better than email.
Tired. I have a long night ahead of me,lol better get some caffiene.
Still loosing weight, down another size. Feeling good about that. Total of almost 50 lbs since Jan. Woo hoo!Ways to go still- I'd like 30 more, maybe even 40.
Going to Karaoke at a new place tomorrow night. Love to check out new places!
Saw a great quote the other day on Two Peas in a Bucket-
"It takes a great man to be better than no man."
Ain't that the truth.
Josh likes Law and Order as well,so we have been trying to catch a few minutes together to watch it.
Looking forward to my weekend, which is Mon, Tues, and Weds. I usually take Monday to recover from the workweek, sleeping, catching up on laundry and cleaning house, so I can enjoy it the rest of my days off.Tues I hit the grocery store, because the boys have usually cleaned me out,lol.
I think I am going to make an effort to scrapbook this weekend, and finish this roll of film. I have no idea what's even on it. Always a surprise,lol.
Gonna get a haircut too, it's been awhile.
Text messaging. I never thought I would like it. I only started it because I wanted to keep up w/ my teenagers- they love it. It makes me cool-heh. I also have a girlfriend that is a texting queen. Gotta keep up w/ her too. And, then, there's John. We text as often as possible. Pretty amazing how that even works. Not quite as good as IM, but better than email.
Tired. I have a long night ahead of me,lol better get some caffiene.
Still loosing weight, down another size. Feeling good about that. Total of almost 50 lbs since Jan. Woo hoo!Ways to go still- I'd like 30 more, maybe even 40.
Going to Karaoke at a new place tomorrow night. Love to check out new places!
Saw a great quote the other day on Two Peas in a Bucket-
"It takes a great man to be better than no man."
Ain't that the truth.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Had a good week.
Getting back to normal after my trip. We have been having some wild monsoon storms, lots of clean up w/ that going on around my place.
Joel is doing great at the university. I visited him last week for about an hr and he had ten knocks on the door during that time. Guess he is as popular there as he is here at home. He likes his classes and is going to be a lifeguard there at the pool. He is enjoying his "suitemates" and they are all enjoying not having their moms tell them to clean their rooms apperantly.
Josh started online high school, he's doing well, likes it and is showing some responsiblity. He also feels like the big man around the house now, helping me w/ all the stuff that guys "should" do.
I had a nice birthday. Not too many people teasing me about my age now.That's a good thing.
John is doing well, we are doing well. It is pretty easy to get along w/ someone who is half a world away.... we'll see what happens when he comes back.(Just kidding) I actually think it is pretty hard to do this long distance thing. Lots of things get misinterpreted on the phone/or text messages, it is hard not to be able to talk to eachother whenever we want. It is, however, what it is. This is how it has to be, for now. I had so many things to do when he left, I am almost done... now I really miss him. I try to keep my feet on the ground, not get too carried away with daydreaming. That's hard though, too, keeps me going. I just have no idea what he is daydreaming about-gotta keep it real,ya know?
Work is work. I don't suck all the time now,lol. I am feeling a lot better about it, sometimes I even like it. Even though my kids are big, I still feel guilty everytime I have to say "I can't, I have to work." They are the most important thing to me and it tears me up when they can't be my first priority. I know in my mind that I go to work so they can eat, have electricity and go to school, but in my heart I still feel like I should be there. They don't feel that way- and remind me of it all the time.
Lots coming up in my life next week as well. Looking forward to it.
Joel is doing great at the university. I visited him last week for about an hr and he had ten knocks on the door during that time. Guess he is as popular there as he is here at home. He likes his classes and is going to be a lifeguard there at the pool. He is enjoying his "suitemates" and they are all enjoying not having their moms tell them to clean their rooms apperantly.
Josh started online high school, he's doing well, likes it and is showing some responsiblity. He also feels like the big man around the house now, helping me w/ all the stuff that guys "should" do.
I had a nice birthday. Not too many people teasing me about my age now.That's a good thing.
John is doing well, we are doing well. It is pretty easy to get along w/ someone who is half a world away.... we'll see what happens when he comes back.(Just kidding) I actually think it is pretty hard to do this long distance thing. Lots of things get misinterpreted on the phone/or text messages, it is hard not to be able to talk to eachother whenever we want. It is, however, what it is. This is how it has to be, for now. I had so many things to do when he left, I am almost done... now I really miss him. I try to keep my feet on the ground, not get too carried away with daydreaming. That's hard though, too, keeps me going. I just have no idea what he is daydreaming about-gotta keep it real,ya know?
Work is work. I don't suck all the time now,lol. I am feeling a lot better about it, sometimes I even like it. Even though my kids are big, I still feel guilty everytime I have to say "I can't, I have to work." They are the most important thing to me and it tears me up when they can't be my first priority. I know in my mind that I go to work so they can eat, have electricity and go to school, but in my heart I still feel like I should be there. They don't feel that way- and remind me of it all the time.
Lots coming up in my life next week as well. Looking forward to it.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Donuts
I'm at work now, so I am surrounded by people who are eating. As a social eater, I think I should eat every time someone else eats.That is so not good when you work beside people who eat at all different times of the day and night. Been working on that habit.
I have been thinking about a recent comment of Josh's.He thinks we must sit around all day eating donuts w/ the officers. I have only even seen a donut once in the almost 5 months I have been here, and it was brought in by another dispatcher. Maybe we just don't have any donut shops around, or maybe that is just an old wives' tale.
My favorite kind of donut is the maple long john, followed by the boston creme filled. Dang, now I want to stop at the store on the way home for donuts,lol.
Been thinking about turning 40.If you're only as old as you feel, I am about 90. I don't look 40, I don't think, because of my long,clairol perfected hair, and my non-wrinkled but still breaking out like a teenager skin. I have been told that I dress like a 40 year old teacher-eh, thats what I was, ya know? Not such a bad thing. Josh said he's glad I'm not a MILF.I am glad I don't embarrass him, but sometimes I wish I looked differently than I do.
I wish my nose was smaller. I wish I had no strech marks. I wish I weighed less. I wish my feet were smaller. I wish "the girls" were where they were when I was 20.OOPS, that's more than 3 wishes. Actually, I wouldn't really waste any real wishes on physical apperance issues, but if I had some to spare, I guess I would use them for that.
Saw a funny quote the other day-"If drinking and driving is illegal, why are there parking spaces at bars?" Makes me laugh, but seriously- get yourself a designated driver-please.
I have been thinking about a recent comment of Josh's.He thinks we must sit around all day eating donuts w/ the officers. I have only even seen a donut once in the almost 5 months I have been here, and it was brought in by another dispatcher. Maybe we just don't have any donut shops around, or maybe that is just an old wives' tale.
My favorite kind of donut is the maple long john, followed by the boston creme filled. Dang, now I want to stop at the store on the way home for donuts,lol.
Been thinking about turning 40.If you're only as old as you feel, I am about 90. I don't look 40, I don't think, because of my long,clairol perfected hair, and my non-wrinkled but still breaking out like a teenager skin. I have been told that I dress like a 40 year old teacher-eh, thats what I was, ya know? Not such a bad thing. Josh said he's glad I'm not a MILF.I am glad I don't embarrass him, but sometimes I wish I looked differently than I do.
I wish my nose was smaller. I wish I had no strech marks. I wish I weighed less. I wish my feet were smaller. I wish "the girls" were where they were when I was 20.OOPS, that's more than 3 wishes. Actually, I wouldn't really waste any real wishes on physical apperance issues, but if I had some to spare, I guess I would use them for that.
Saw a funny quote the other day-"If drinking and driving is illegal, why are there parking spaces at bars?" Makes me laugh, but seriously- get yourself a designated driver-please.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Lots happening here. Joel has moved out, and has plans to visit for 4 hrs per week,lol. He is exactly like me huh? Kinda scary.
We have had some wicked storms here while I was gone and again the last two days. Out of charachter for AZ.
Sentimental me is thinking towards the 29-31st of Aug. I turn 40, my nephew turns 1 and Joel turns 18. Big days.
Need to get better about scrapping these times, it has been most of 2007 that I really havent even taken many pics. Been busy making a new life, forgeting to enjoy it, I guess.
I am back to working nights- I am all out of whack. I have a lot of trouble sleeping during the day, I did do a little bit better yesterday, only woke up once.
I have been working for most of the last three weeks, finally off for the next 3 days. Looking forward to that. I will hopefully sleep most of today, then I need to restock the fridge/pantry since the boys were home alone for the last 2 weeks. When she went there.... the cupboard was bare.....
Take care all,
Lisa
We have had some wicked storms here while I was gone and again the last two days. Out of charachter for AZ.
Sentimental me is thinking towards the 29-31st of Aug. I turn 40, my nephew turns 1 and Joel turns 18. Big days.
Need to get better about scrapping these times, it has been most of 2007 that I really havent even taken many pics. Been busy making a new life, forgeting to enjoy it, I guess.
I am back to working nights- I am all out of whack. I have a lot of trouble sleeping during the day, I did do a little bit better yesterday, only woke up once.
I have been working for most of the last three weeks, finally off for the next 3 days. Looking forward to that. I will hopefully sleep most of today, then I need to restock the fridge/pantry since the boys were home alone for the last 2 weeks. When she went there.... the cupboard was bare.....
Take care all,
Lisa
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
predijuce
sucks. As a white person, it is atypical for me to experience it personally. Sexism, yeah, I suppose, but I don't really get that bent out of shape about it, since I like bein' a girl. I do however, make an effort, sometimes to my own detriment, not to judge others. I stand up for people who are judged- even when it makes me unpopular.
The past couple of weeks, I have been here at this training. The training is for 911 dispatchers who work on reservations. Not surprising that most dispatchers who work on reservations are Native American. The training was put together by the Indian Police Academy.I am the only white person here. That, in and of itself is not a bad thing. Where it becomes a bad thing is where I am disliked, persecuted and excluded for being white. The instructors have made derogatory comments regarding "the white man". That gives the go-ahead for the other participants to follow in their footsteps.
It has been a long 12 days. Every night I lie my head on the pillow and promise to hold true to my own values regardless of the behavior of my collegues. Tomorrow is the last day of class- I am gonna make it.
I have experienced a lot of things here, and unfortunately this will be the most powerful memory I take home with me.
Lisa
The past couple of weeks, I have been here at this training. The training is for 911 dispatchers who work on reservations. Not surprising that most dispatchers who work on reservations are Native American. The training was put together by the Indian Police Academy.I am the only white person here. That, in and of itself is not a bad thing. Where it becomes a bad thing is where I am disliked, persecuted and excluded for being white. The instructors have made derogatory comments regarding "the white man". That gives the go-ahead for the other participants to follow in their footsteps.
It has been a long 12 days. Every night I lie my head on the pillow and promise to hold true to my own values regardless of the behavior of my collegues. Tomorrow is the last day of class- I am gonna make it.
I have experienced a lot of things here, and unfortunately this will be the most powerful memory I take home with me.
Lisa
Sunday, August 12, 2007
howdy
Im good- survived the flight and am surviving this training. This little town I am in is cute, and thankfully they have my beloved Sonic.
I will post again another time, I have to go and either nap or study, whichever comes first!
Lisa
I will post again another time, I have to go and either nap or study, whichever comes first!
Lisa
Sunday, July 29, 2007
I know, I know
it has been too long.
Lots going on here. People who truly know me know my silence is a sign of me dealing w/ junk. It's true, but like always I am ok.
So, coming here to report that on Aug 5, I will be beginning a big adventure. I realize this might not be a big adventure to most, so hopefully you have had your caffiene before reading this.
I will be leaving AZ and heading for a business trip. This will require me to board not one, but two airplanes. This is in and of itself, and adventure for me. I have made it almost 40 years w/o my feet off of the ground. First I will be taking a big, normal airplane. Then I have to get off of that big airplane and get onto a little airplane. People are scaring me w/ thier little airplane stories so I ask all of you not to share- please,lol.
Then, after an hr car ride we will be at our destination- Artesia NM. I will be there until the 24, where I then drive an hr to catch the little plane to fly to the big plane. Sounds like lots of opportunities to loose stuff,lol.
There are lots of restrictions, we will be staying in dorms. I kinda feel like I am in high school or something. I have heard this is the best training program out there- so hopefully all of this is worth it.
Additionally, I know you guys know that I do it all around here, and if I am not here- not sure who is going to do it. This will be a good experience for all involved. I can learn to let go ( hopefully)and other people can see what I do,lol.
Joel will be moving into his college dorm while I am gone (sniff sniff) but as a little mini-me, he has offered to come back home to look after the animals/his brother while I am gone. Wow-good kid huh?
So, cross your fingers for me as I go off on this adventure, that I survive the airplanes, that my family and I survive the time apart and that I learn a lot.
Lots going on here. People who truly know me know my silence is a sign of me dealing w/ junk. It's true, but like always I am ok.
So, coming here to report that on Aug 5, I will be beginning a big adventure. I realize this might not be a big adventure to most, so hopefully you have had your caffiene before reading this.
I will be leaving AZ and heading for a business trip. This will require me to board not one, but two airplanes. This is in and of itself, and adventure for me. I have made it almost 40 years w/o my feet off of the ground. First I will be taking a big, normal airplane. Then I have to get off of that big airplane and get onto a little airplane. People are scaring me w/ thier little airplane stories so I ask all of you not to share- please,lol.
Then, after an hr car ride we will be at our destination- Artesia NM. I will be there until the 24, where I then drive an hr to catch the little plane to fly to the big plane. Sounds like lots of opportunities to loose stuff,lol.
There are lots of restrictions, we will be staying in dorms. I kinda feel like I am in high school or something. I have heard this is the best training program out there- so hopefully all of this is worth it.
Additionally, I know you guys know that I do it all around here, and if I am not here- not sure who is going to do it. This will be a good experience for all involved. I can learn to let go ( hopefully)and other people can see what I do,lol.
Joel will be moving into his college dorm while I am gone (sniff sniff) but as a little mini-me, he has offered to come back home to look after the animals/his brother while I am gone. Wow-good kid huh?
So, cross your fingers for me as I go off on this adventure, that I survive the airplanes, that my family and I survive the time apart and that I learn a lot.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
My version of Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day
I burned my arm on my curling iron this morning. I burned my wrist cooking dinner tonight. Last Tuesday I broke my pinky toe- it is as big as the big toe. Tonight I washed my cell phone by accident.
If you know the childrens story, you will know that this poor child has everything possible happen to him and he thinks moving to Austraila is the answer. I am beginning to think that is a great idea.
I am going to try going to bed early instead since something really bad could happen to me at the airport,lol.
Right after I eat a big ol bowl of chocolate ice cream.
Lisa
If you know the childrens story, you will know that this poor child has everything possible happen to him and he thinks moving to Austraila is the answer. I am beginning to think that is a great idea.
I am going to try going to bed early instead since something really bad could happen to me at the airport,lol.
Right after I eat a big ol bowl of chocolate ice cream.
Lisa
Monday, July 02, 2007
nothing witty or profound
I have nothing witty or profound to say today,lol.
Joel and I went to Target today and to his favorite mall. Kinda brought back memories for me about when I was his age and spent hours at the mall. Now, 22 years later I really don't like going ,lol.
I also realized today that at the end of August we will have so many huge milestones! My son, Joel is turning 18, my nephew is turning 1 and I am turning 40- all w/i 2 days of eachother. I guess that is pretty profound,lol. Joel asked me today if I felt like 18 years have flown by... yeah, I do. Honestly. I have years of memories, and photos. There have been occasions when time seemed to stand still- the hours I spent waiting for him to finish baseball practice, time spent trying to teach him how to drive, even the hours and hours ( and hours) that I spent potty training him. I thought he would be checking in to his college dorm in diapers- seriously.
But all in all-time has flown by. Yesterday, it seems, he was too small for the smallest diapers in the store. He was 2 and scared to death of the garbage truck. He wsa 4 and wanted to be a fire engine ( not the fire fighter- the actual truck). Yesterday he started kindergarten. He was scared of oompa loompas and loved sitting in the orange tree all day eating 1/2 of each orange, throwing the rest of them on the ground to see what the goats would do.
Yesterday, he couldn't cross the street by himself, now he can call and make a drs appt, drive himself, go to the pharmacy and drive back home and take his meds as directed. That in itself is a huge deal- lots of grown men can't/don't/won't do that. Guess I didn't do too bad.
Joel and I went to Target today and to his favorite mall. Kinda brought back memories for me about when I was his age and spent hours at the mall. Now, 22 years later I really don't like going ,lol.
I also realized today that at the end of August we will have so many huge milestones! My son, Joel is turning 18, my nephew is turning 1 and I am turning 40- all w/i 2 days of eachother. I guess that is pretty profound,lol. Joel asked me today if I felt like 18 years have flown by... yeah, I do. Honestly. I have years of memories, and photos. There have been occasions when time seemed to stand still- the hours I spent waiting for him to finish baseball practice, time spent trying to teach him how to drive, even the hours and hours ( and hours) that I spent potty training him. I thought he would be checking in to his college dorm in diapers- seriously.
But all in all-time has flown by. Yesterday, it seems, he was too small for the smallest diapers in the store. He was 2 and scared to death of the garbage truck. He wsa 4 and wanted to be a fire engine ( not the fire fighter- the actual truck). Yesterday he started kindergarten. He was scared of oompa loompas and loved sitting in the orange tree all day eating 1/2 of each orange, throwing the rest of them on the ground to see what the goats would do.
Yesterday, he couldn't cross the street by himself, now he can call and make a drs appt, drive himself, go to the pharmacy and drive back home and take his meds as directed. That in itself is a huge deal- lots of grown men can't/don't/won't do that. Guess I didn't do too bad.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
perception
There are a lot of things that are just a matter of perception.
A friend said to me last night that she thought I was always happy and content w/ my life.I was totally surprised to hear that, because the last couple of years have been really rough for me. I have been pretty happy the last few months, but it has been an uphill struggle to say the least.
One thing I do work hard at is counting my blessings. Every night, my kids are home, in their beds and healthy. They are smart, well adjusted, independant thinkers and respectful. I am not in a hospital w/ one of them fighting for their lives, they are not missing. Every day we eat good food. We have a place to live, a vehicle to drive and electricity and running water. Each of us has a hobby that we enjoy. We love and care about eachother.
Another reason that I believe I am a basically happy person is that I have the right perspective about money. ( Not everyone agrees w/ me,lol particularly my ex) There are people who are very wealthy, who will never be happy- their perception of the importance of money is, in my opinion, skewed. They place a greater value on money than truly exists. Then, there are people who do not have enough money, who are also never going to be happy, again, because they place too high a value on money. They wish for things that they can not afford, and in reality do not need. People on both ends of the spectrum just need to count their blessings more.
All of that said- if I allow myself, I can be a very sad and/or angry woman. I have had a pretty tough life( who hasn't). My father was an alcoholic.I married a physically abusive man, and stayed for almost 12 years. I then married an alcoholic. I have raised two boys almost exclusively by myself. I have had financial problems most of my adult life. I have a child w/ a chronic medical problem and behavorial health problems. I, myself, have a chronic degenerative medical condition, and something somewhere hurts every day. So, I have made a choice NOT to allow myself to allow any of these things to rob me a minute of peace in my today, or in my future. Some of these things that happened were my own choices. Some were cards I was dealt. None of them need to be a part of my today.Today, I can be thankful for my blessings and the strength I have been blessed w/ from my past.
That said, just like everyone else I have bad days. Today, happens to be one of them. I feel like crap. There is someone in my life who I miss terribly- I actually feel an ache in my heart. Several stressful things happened this afternoon.I did not want to deal w/ them, I wanted to lie down on the couch w/ a magazine. I wanted a nap. I wanted to see this special person that I miss so much. Then, because I am a nut, I start feeling guilty for being upset. After all, there are people w/ real problems. What I had going on today would be a great day for some.So, I am feeling down, and feeling guilty as if I have no right.That really can mess w/ a girl,lol.
I am no superhuman that has no bad days. I am not cold to emotion- I feel heartache like anyone else. I am not a perfect woman only having perfect days.
Everything is just a matter of perception.Instead of being upset that I don't feel good, I need to be thankful that I can walk. Instead of feeling that ache, I need to remember why I feel it- I am in love! As for the stressful things that happened, it is because I have a home to live in, beautiful children to care for and a job. All of those things are blessings!
Getting off of my soapbox now.....
A friend said to me last night that she thought I was always happy and content w/ my life.I was totally surprised to hear that, because the last couple of years have been really rough for me. I have been pretty happy the last few months, but it has been an uphill struggle to say the least.
One thing I do work hard at is counting my blessings. Every night, my kids are home, in their beds and healthy. They are smart, well adjusted, independant thinkers and respectful. I am not in a hospital w/ one of them fighting for their lives, they are not missing. Every day we eat good food. We have a place to live, a vehicle to drive and electricity and running water. Each of us has a hobby that we enjoy. We love and care about eachother.
Another reason that I believe I am a basically happy person is that I have the right perspective about money. ( Not everyone agrees w/ me,lol particularly my ex) There are people who are very wealthy, who will never be happy- their perception of the importance of money is, in my opinion, skewed. They place a greater value on money than truly exists. Then, there are people who do not have enough money, who are also never going to be happy, again, because they place too high a value on money. They wish for things that they can not afford, and in reality do not need. People on both ends of the spectrum just need to count their blessings more.
All of that said- if I allow myself, I can be a very sad and/or angry woman. I have had a pretty tough life( who hasn't). My father was an alcoholic.I married a physically abusive man, and stayed for almost 12 years. I then married an alcoholic. I have raised two boys almost exclusively by myself. I have had financial problems most of my adult life. I have a child w/ a chronic medical problem and behavorial health problems. I, myself, have a chronic degenerative medical condition, and something somewhere hurts every day. So, I have made a choice NOT to allow myself to allow any of these things to rob me a minute of peace in my today, or in my future. Some of these things that happened were my own choices. Some were cards I was dealt. None of them need to be a part of my today.Today, I can be thankful for my blessings and the strength I have been blessed w/ from my past.
That said, just like everyone else I have bad days. Today, happens to be one of them. I feel like crap. There is someone in my life who I miss terribly- I actually feel an ache in my heart. Several stressful things happened this afternoon.I did not want to deal w/ them, I wanted to lie down on the couch w/ a magazine. I wanted a nap. I wanted to see this special person that I miss so much. Then, because I am a nut, I start feeling guilty for being upset. After all, there are people w/ real problems. What I had going on today would be a great day for some.So, I am feeling down, and feeling guilty as if I have no right.That really can mess w/ a girl,lol.
I am no superhuman that has no bad days. I am not cold to emotion- I feel heartache like anyone else. I am not a perfect woman only having perfect days.
Everything is just a matter of perception.Instead of being upset that I don't feel good, I need to be thankful that I can walk. Instead of feeling that ache, I need to remember why I feel it- I am in love! As for the stressful things that happened, it is because I have a home to live in, beautiful children to care for and a job. All of those things are blessings!
Getting off of my soapbox now.....
Monday, June 18, 2007
went to the dr. today
I told my boys I had a dr appt. today. Usually I get the whole why are you being a baby and going to the dr thing, but today they seemed concerned. I did not feel well yesterday- not sick like go to the dr sick , just didn't feel good.
Anyway, this was not that kind of appt- it was every woman's favorite appt. I told the guys not to worry that I was fine. They kept pressing the issue so I finally had to tell them.
Joel said "EWWWW" lol. I said, my thoughts exactly.
Anyway, I love my doc, and it went fine. Everything is good.
I have dropped some more weight- so that's good too!
Tomorrow I am going to get up, and go have a manicure and then I am going to come home and scrapbook all day. I am sooo looking forward to that.
I have a whole list of phone calls that are the kind where you wait on hold forfreakingever tomorrow, so I figure I will scrap and hold the phone to one ear. Hows that for multi tasking,lol.
Anyway- take care everyone!
Anyway, this was not that kind of appt- it was every woman's favorite appt. I told the guys not to worry that I was fine. They kept pressing the issue so I finally had to tell them.
Joel said "EWWWW" lol. I said, my thoughts exactly.
Anyway, I love my doc, and it went fine. Everything is good.
I have dropped some more weight- so that's good too!
Tomorrow I am going to get up, and go have a manicure and then I am going to come home and scrapbook all day. I am sooo looking forward to that.
I have a whole list of phone calls that are the kind where you wait on hold forfreakingever tomorrow, so I figure I will scrap and hold the phone to one ear. Hows that for multi tasking,lol.
Anyway- take care everyone!
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