perception

There are a lot of things that are just a matter of perception.

A friend said to me last night that she thought I was always happy and content w/ my life.I was totally surprised to hear that, because the last couple of years have been really rough for me. I have been pretty happy the last few months, but it has been an uphill struggle to say the least.

One thing I do work hard at is counting my blessings. Every night, my kids are home, in their beds and healthy. They are smart, well adjusted, independant thinkers and respectful. I am not in a hospital w/ one of them fighting for their lives, they are not missing. Every day we eat good food. We have a place to live, a vehicle to drive and electricity and running water. Each of us has a hobby that we enjoy. We love and care about eachother.

Another reason that I believe I am a basically happy person is that I have the right perspective about money. ( Not everyone agrees w/ me,lol particularly my ex) There are people who are very wealthy, who will never be happy- their perception of the importance of money is, in my opinion, skewed. They place a greater value on money than truly exists. Then, there are people who do not have enough money, who are also never going to be happy, again, because they place too high a value on money. They wish for things that they can not afford, and in reality do not need. People on both ends of the spectrum just need to count their blessings more.

All of that said- if I allow myself, I can be a very sad and/or angry woman. I have had a pretty tough life( who hasn't). My father was an alcoholic.I married a physically abusive man, and stayed for almost 12 years. I then married an alcoholic. I have raised two boys almost exclusively by myself. I have had financial problems most of my adult life. I have a child w/ a chronic medical problem and behavorial health problems. I, myself, have a chronic degenerative medical condition, and something somewhere hurts every day. So, I have made a choice NOT to allow myself to allow any of these things to rob me a minute of peace in my today, or in my future. Some of these things that happened were my own choices. Some were cards I was dealt. None of them need to be a part of my today.Today, I can be thankful for my blessings and the strength I have been blessed w/ from my past.

That said, just like everyone else I have bad days. Today, happens to be one of them. I feel like crap. There is someone in my life who I miss terribly- I actually feel an ache in my heart. Several stressful things happened this afternoon.I did not want to deal w/ them, I wanted to lie down on the couch w/ a magazine. I wanted a nap. I wanted to see this special person that I miss so much. Then, because I am a nut, I start feeling guilty for being upset. After all, there are people w/ real problems. What I had going on today would be a great day for some.So, I am feeling down, and feeling guilty as if I have no right.That really can mess w/ a girl,lol.

I am no superhuman that has no bad days. I am not cold to emotion- I feel heartache like anyone else. I am not a perfect woman only having perfect days.

Everything is just a matter of perception.Instead of being upset that I don't feel good, I need to be thankful that I can walk. Instead of feeling that ache, I need to remember why I feel it- I am in love! As for the stressful things that happened, it is because I have a home to live in, beautiful children to care for and a job. All of those things are blessings!

Getting off of my soapbox now.....