as the world turns

joel had a follow up visit tuesday, and here is what is next for him:
1) has to keep a food diary for 5 days- everything he ingests.
2) has to collect urine for a 24 hr period
3) has to have a IVP, a procedure that is a bit of a hassle,lol.
this weekend joel has to not eat any solid food, take laxatives. Then, monday he is going to be injected w/ a dye that will allow them to see the function of the kidneys.
Here's to hoping it is all just a big hassle and they don't find anything scary.

I have blogged about a friend that I have that can be frustrating at times. I love her still though, and the last time I was really frustrated, I decided that that is what was important, that she and I are friends, and over look our differences in parenting.
Let me back up a bit. About 4 years ago, she stopped taking my calls. She had her kids hang up on me, gave me lots of excuses about why she couldn't come to the phone, etc. I never had any idea what happened, and we had been friends for about 4 years, and I was heartbroken. I never mean to hurt anyones feelings, and if I find out that I have I apologize and try never to do it again. I felt I must have offended her, but could not for the life of me figure out why she would just stop talking to me.
Two years later, I got a letter from her. She said that she was so sorry she cut me out of her life, but that I was no fun. She was getting "bored" and all I wanted to do was stuff w/ the kids. She apologized. I went right to her house and told her it was fine and never brought it up again. We picked up right were we left off.
I was really hurt, and I never really told her that. I did not see a lot of good in going on and on about it after the fact. She apologized, I wanted to be her friend again, time to move on.
Now here we are 2 years later. She has done it again. I should not be surprised. I mean, our friendship did not mean crap to her before, why would I think it did now? Again, I have no idea if it is because I am too boring for her, if I offended her or what. This time however, I decided that it really is OK. I am not going to be heartbroken. She's nuts. She drives me crazy. I don't need that in my life anyway.
If, and that is a big IF, she does contact me in the future, it really won't matter. Like I said, she has never held our friendship in the same regard as I do apperantly. I could never trust her again. I don't need the constant take take take of our relationship anyway.
I am sad, like w/ a divorce, for the relationship that you dream of having, instead of the one that you have. I am sad that I am looking around and not seeing other friends,lol. I need to get out and make some.
Thanks for reading this big ol long thing,lol.

whats new

wellllllllllllll, lets see.
Tuesday, Joel called me from school and said I should pick him up, he is sick. He has had perfect attendance for the past 3 years, and never, I mean, never likes to miss school.
I picked him up and took him to the doc.
The doc felt he has a viral infection, blah blah blah, wait it out, get better in three days, drink water.
He went to school weds, did fine, played baseball- whole 9 yards.
Thursday at 230 am, he wakes me up, pain is horrible, he needs to go to the ER. Wow- I have never had to take joel,lol.
So, off we go. He is sleeping in the waiting room. We meet w/ the triage nurse and, I know he is in extreme pain, he is agitated and unable to concentate. He insisted to her that he has chest pains. She asked to point to where it hurts, and he pointed at his belly. She felt it was is appendix.
He gives a urine sample, and a blood sample.The urine had blood in it, and the blood test came back normal. After about an hr, we are back in a room.
They give him an IV, get him comfy, and we wait. We were now at about the end of a shift
( thank GOD!) and so we had to wait for new people.
The new doc and nurse were much improved,lol. Joel had an xray and eventually a cat scan.
They felt he had a kidney infection and another condition that looks like the appendix but is really swollen lymph nodes, and is equally painful, but benign.
We go home, and Joel, who heard no restrictions, heads back to school.
The next day, Joel's pediatrician calls, to say that the urine culture does not show infection, so there is something else going on.Could be that he passed a kidney stone, could be a kidney not functioning properly, who knows, at this point. We see Joels doc on Tuesday, for another urine test, and new plan of action.
Josh has been a busy guy, working at the paintball course. Lots of hours this week. He is also hoping for a summer job at the pool, so he can say " I have two jobs"- he thinks he is hilarious when he says that,lol.
This weekend is a fun, but busy one too.
Joel has a recertification class for lifeguarding, and Josh is going to work both days. I am going to try to squeeze some scrapping in, but this house is a wreck! I got behind while Joel was sick and I was tired from being at ER.
We are going to do something different this year, for easter, out of necessity. With Josh being gone all day, we are going to have our easter egg in the dark, with flashlights. The guys are looking forward to that!

thankful for

-Sonic drinks

-scrapbooking, and time to enjoy it

-the memories I have made so far

-my kids

-my kids' friends, and their familes, who treat my kids so well when they are there. I am so thankful for that help.

-my parents- they are still there for me, all the time, no matter what

-my health. I know, there is a lot of pain in my joints, and my meds have side effects. But all 4 of us lived through today, and prolly will tomorrow. There have been so many posts on a message board I frequent, with serious life threatening problems. I have been there, with my DH, but for today, I will be thankful for my health.

-for my oldests ds's sense of responsibility and loyalty. No one could ask for a better friend. He makes sure all of his teamates have rides home, do not need to use the phone, or need anything to eat. He makes sure everyone has equipment and uniforms. He often is too busy caring for others to care for himself.( who is that like,lol)

-for my youngest ds- that he makes sure we all have a laugh at least once a day.He does not let us forget to live our life, instead of planning the day away.

I am now, finally, getting off of the pot.

I decided today, to use the effort that I have been using to attempt to get along w/ my ex, and solve our issues w/o involving attorneys and courts, and use it to find a good attorney and take care of business.
I did not want to have money interfere with my kids relationship w/ their dad. At this time, there is no relationship, so I might as well have some money,lol.
I decided that instead of wasting time trying to talk to him, I would use that time to get my reciepts and notes in order and go to court.
I will win, I am right. It does not make it any less sad, and any more what I want. It is, however, what it is.
Joel is driving now, and every time he drives, I get so sick to my stomach with worry. I am doing a little better now, I know it takes 20 minutes to get home from town, so I only worry after 20 minutes,lol. Last night he was home before I could start really worrying, so hopefully I am on the right path.
So here I am, no kids to take anywhere, no where I have to rush off to,and I have NO clue what to do w/ myself.I better get a life.

owie

I am a native arizonan. I have heard all my life about sunburns, sun damage and skin cancer. I am a freak when it comes to my kids wearing sunscreen.
Yesterday, however, I spent 5 hrs in the sun, w/o sunscreen and have a really bad sunburn. I have a fever and I feel so sick from it.
The good news is my son's baseball team won both of those baseball games. YEAH!

q is for

quack- a happy sound I hear each day.They great me in the morning, when I come and go from the house. I know they think they need to be fed, and that is why they are quacking, but I pretend that they like me,lol.
qvc- I love to watch the kitchen and craft shows.
I suck at q even worse than P,lol.

Joel got his drivers license Thursday. Wow. I have some stuff journaled about my feelings about him walking out of the door at MVD and getting in the car w/ a stranger, and him behind the wheel. It really freaked me out. He did well (98 out of 100). I haven't let him drive anywhere else alone yet,lol. I am going to have to get over this.

Josh is working tomorrow, and has started a little business building custom paintball gun stands. I am going to have to post a picture, he is a pretty smart guy.

P is for

2peas- still like it there. not as homey as LM, but the boards move fast.
peas. I like them.
pillows- two under my head and one in between my knees.
python- we have a ball python

man, this alpha stuff is hard work,lol.

its that time of year again

Busy with baseball season!Joel had 5 games last week. That is unusual,lol so every week won't be like that- thank goodness.
We had a substantial amount of rain yesterday. Our state had gone 143 days w/o any rain, and yesterday sure made up for it. We had a lot of rain, and wind in the morning. The wind subsided in the afternoon, but it was still raining when I went to bed. I was worried about being able to get out of my drive in the afternoon but I was indeed able to.
An update on my situation w/ my sister: She is pretending like nothing happened. That has worked for her in the past. She is often annoying, and I have always let it go before. This time,she really crossed the line. I can't just pretend that she didn't say all of that stuff. I am probably going to have to clarify my position on that because she ignoring /disrespecting the fact that I don't want to talk to her,lol.
I have a small scrapping job, and I have been busy with that too, lately. I did several LO's yesterday during the storm. I have a couple left but I am going to have to hit the LSS for some materials before I do them.Since I am in the scrapping mood I am going to scrap some current pics of my own. 

a vent/whine

warning you now,lol.
My sister and I had an argument today, that was very very hateful and sad.
My sister and I fought as young girls. I am the oldest, by 3 years. I did not like fighting w/ her then, and I have always done my best to avoid it now that we are adults.
We are very different. I am ok w/that. She really has never been ok w/ that. She believes there is one right way, everything is black and white.I almost always just listen to her and just go ahead and do what I want,lol. I respect her right to have her opinions and her life the way she wants it. If she is judgmental of me, I just shrug and realize it is most likely ignorance on this issue/topic whatever. My poor parents listen to me vent, and just tell me she does not understand real life.
Anyway, today we had a really bad fight. One I am not sure I will ever get over. I can not imagine ever speaking to her again. When I have heard other people say that I always thought they were dramatic. After all, family is way too important to hold grudges.Not talking about abusive or extreme situations, but in cases where family members offend one another. I now see that maybe people are just protecting themselves.
The issue is not important. I was disappointed and concerned about something, and I called her to tell her. She fired back w/ insults, you know, not just "You ugly fat lady"lol but deep, right through the heart insults. The very things she knew would hurt the most. She hurled insult after insult at me. Then she started hurling them at one of my boys. That is when I yelled over her(we were otp) and told her I was done, that I was never going to talk to her again.
I am so sad. We have never been close. We are so different, and I do not like how she treats my parents. I have always longed for a close relationship with her. I tried for a long time, years, to build one. I know that this is not the same as loosing a dh or if we had been close, but I am oh so sad, just sad.
I do not give any merit to her insults. For one, I doubt very seriously she meant them. Two, they are just baseless and untrue. But still, she was way out of line to say them, and I do not see me being able to forget hearing those words come out of her mouth. Her DH called right after and apperantly my sister feels that my saying I never want to speak to her again is the ultimate insult that trumps all insults. Cool. Fine, think that. Maybe it is.
Maybe I can't listen to all her other insults anymore. Maybe I do not want to hear about how she is using my parents anymore. Maybe I don't want to hear how she would never allow her kids to eat what mine do. Maybe I don't want to hear that she does not want to hang around me because of my ill mannered kids. Maybe I don't want to hear how if I want a sister to check w/ my sil. Blah blah blah, sorry, if you are still awake- thanks!

worms, worms, worms

Dianna, cover your eyes now!
Everyone else can read along.
I have been getting a worm bin set up for awhile, and looking for the cheapest place to get my little guys. Today was the day. I ordered a pound of red wigglers, and will have them next week. Then they can start composting for me, to help get a great garden going!
I would actually like, in time, to build a business. Lets see if I am still saying that in a few months,lol.

p is for poopy butthead

quick story, one night my 2 ds's, my ex and I were out to dinner ( we were together at the time,lol) and waiting for our food. Josh was 3, Joel was 4. Josh kept getting into stuff, and picked up a steak knife. I took it away from him and handed him a spoon. He looks at me, with a really mean look, square in the eye and says " Poopy Butthead". I know, I am supposed to be shocked, after all, where did he hear that? I did not use that type of language. I was supposed to be mad, after all, how disrespectful! But both his dad and I started laughing hysterically, as did the two tables next to us. The name kind of stuck, and when someone is really mean, we call them a poopy butthead.
For the next few days, I am going to blog about my ex. I try very hard to be a good person, not judge others, blah blah blah. I do not share my feelings about my ex w/ my kids, for obvious reasons. I do not share them often w/ my dh because he gets upset since I am upset. The last time I tried to talk to my mom she says " well, I think you still love him since he makes you angry." Uh, no mom, I am angry about what he does/does not do w/ and for the boys.
He swooped down on us Saturday at 5. I use the word swoop because he just disrupts everything. He does not call first, then expects them to be ready in an instant. He has expectations on their apperance that we just don't have here. They are teenagers and I usually let them decide what to wear/how to do their hair.
He refuses to tell me where they are going. I am the only custodial parent. I do not think that he puts them in physical danger or anything like that. I just think it is strange when I ask" So what are you guys going to be up to?" that he says " None of your buisness"
He also does not like to tell me when he will be bringing them back. That is frustrating.
I honestly might not be as upset as I am but for the fact that he left, and did not contact them in any way for more than 4 years. When he came back into their life, it was because his dad ( a wonderful man) passed away. It was at his funeral, that Joel and Josh found out that their dads GF had had another child w/ someone other than their dad and that he was raising that child as his own. What a kick in the teeth eh?
We are in a current disagreement, and last night when I tried to discuss it w/ him he hung up on me twice. He had said many untrue and negative things about me to my ds's on this last visit. It created a lot of drama over here- drama I do not need. When I called him, I simply asked him to let me know if he has any issues w/ me, rather than putting me in a negative light w/ the boys. That is hurtful to them, and even if he is mad at me I am sure he does not want to hurt them. Well, he hung up, after calling me names ya know? great, just great. The only good thing is karma. He is going to have some bad karma here,lol. All the years that he was missing, I told the boys that their dad loved them and was doing his best. It got to the point that the boys even resented me for saying that, since they knew he wasn't really doing his best. I had to stop defending him, but never once did I say anything bad about their dad. I did/do not do that for him, I do it for THEM.
anyway- more tomorrow

o is for ooooops!

I hit enter waaay too soon,lol.
O is for-
omgosh, people really are reading this?
oatmeal- love it
old- you are only as old as you feel. I feel 90.
oranges- I did not like oranges until I was an adult.
obey- I obey laws and rules even if I think they are dumb. I am waaaay to chicken to get into trouble.
obligation- I am working on not feeling obligated to do a bunch of stuff for a bunch of people who a) should be doing it for themselves, and b) that I really don't feel like doing.
obscene- I usually do not swear, if I do, it is for a dramatic effect.
omlettes- I like ham and cheese.
oven-I do not use my oven a lot- I like to use other gadgets, my crockpot, roaster, indoor grill.

O is for........

N is for

nutjob- one of my favorite words. Anyone who is being goofy is a nutjob.
Nikki- one of my online friends
Navy- my favorite color
nuts- I like pecans best
nesco- I love my nesco roaster
news- I like to watch the news, keeping myself informed on what is going on around me.
Neil- one of my favorite preschool students ( we were very attatched,lol). I wonder how he is now.
new- I like thrift stores and such, but there are just some things that we need to buy new.LOL

M is for..........

My online friend Mely- she is the one who no matter what will tell me I am right, never judge me, she even gets madder for me than I do if things are not right,lol.
My online friend Melissa- she makes me want to get in my car and drive to her hometown, so so sweet!( she also helped me think of M words,lol)
my online friend Miranda- ubber talented and also just too sweet.
Mocha- My girl, my puppy
mocha- a really good drink,lol. I am into peppermint mochas now.
money- need some,lol
mad- try not to get too mad, doesn't do anything for my ugly mug or my health.
music- I love country music, I play flute and guitar.
meat- chicken is my fave
memories- I love photos, scrapbooks, videos. I love telling the stories of my youth and the present day.
major- I was an early childhood education major.

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. paper girl
2. shampoo girl in a hair salon
3. early childhood educator

Four movies you would watch over and over
1. I think my name is Steven
2. just about anything on Lifetime,lol.
Four places you have lived:
1. phoenix az
2. glendale az
3 maricopa az

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. fort atkinson, wisconsin
2. disneyland
3. oceanside california
4. few cities in texas
everyone I know has been tagged,lol so this is just a freebie.
Four websites I visit daily:
LM, 2peas, homesteading today, blogs
Four of my favorite foods:
1. pizza
2. onion rings
3. tangelos
4. cheese
Four places I would rather be right now:
I like being right here at home, and I am not here often enough.

L is for

Lisa, my name,lol.
LOL- I think this is my most typed phrase, I am always LOL.
Love- love is all you need, love is in the air, love is all around, all you need is love, and the greatest is love, loves the only thing that there's just too little of................
Life- I like my life. It's hard, but I like it.
Late- I do not like it if I am running late, I get a stomach ache and headache. I do not like it when others are late either, I view it as disrespectful.
Lace- I am not a fan of lace, no girlie girl here.
Lifetime Moments- a message board where I hang.
Left out- I try hard to include everyone. Everyone has something to offer. I don't "like" everyone, I can't help everyone, but I work really hard to be good and kind to everyone I meet. Like I said earlier, life is hard. I am not here to make it harder on anyone or judge them.

k is for

kristiegk- an online friend I have been chatting w/ for 3+ years
kristie- an irl friend that we are just really starting a friendship- a year or so maybe now?? we have a lot in common
krispie kreme-only the best donuts, gotta love maple longjohns
koala bear-I had a koala stuffed animal as a girl and wanted to have one irl when I grew up. I had a whole plan about how I was going to go to the san deigo zoo and steal one, and get it home,lol.
karaoke- If I go out it is my favorite thing to do
kids- I have 2, I always wanted three, but after days like today I am glad it was just 2,lol
kind- I work hard at being kind to others. This year I am working at being kind to myself.

J is for

Joel-my oldest ds, currently 16.
Joshua- my youngest, currently 14.
Jethro- my oldests first dog
Jellybeans- I like black the best.
Java, Joe- I like coffee flavored stuff, but not coffee itself.

I is for..........

ice cream-I love ben and jerry's new york super fudge chunk. I like blue bells moolenium crunch too, and plain ol vanilla.
ice- my favorite is sonic ice, and for at home I like my water and ice stores half cube.
iguana- I used to have an iguana. They are really neat but hard to care for properly. I was not up to it,lol.
iron- I really dislike ironing
italian food- Ahhh one of my favorites. Pizza, spaghetti, ravioli, chicken cacciatore, lasagna, it is alllllll gooooood.