perception

There are a lot of things that are just a matter of perception.

A friend said to me last night that she thought I was always happy and content w/ my life.I was totally surprised to hear that, because the last couple of years have been really rough for me. I have been pretty happy the last few months, but it has been an uphill struggle to say the least.

One thing I do work hard at is counting my blessings. Every night, my kids are home, in their beds and healthy. They are smart, well adjusted, independant thinkers and respectful. I am not in a hospital w/ one of them fighting for their lives, they are not missing. Every day we eat good food. We have a place to live, a vehicle to drive and electricity and running water. Each of us has a hobby that we enjoy. We love and care about eachother.

Another reason that I believe I am a basically happy person is that I have the right perspective about money. ( Not everyone agrees w/ me,lol particularly my ex) There are people who are very wealthy, who will never be happy- their perception of the importance of money is, in my opinion, skewed. They place a greater value on money than truly exists. Then, there are people who do not have enough money, who are also never going to be happy, again, because they place too high a value on money. They wish for things that they can not afford, and in reality do not need. People on both ends of the spectrum just need to count their blessings more.

All of that said- if I allow myself, I can be a very sad and/or angry woman. I have had a pretty tough life( who hasn't). My father was an alcoholic.I married a physically abusive man, and stayed for almost 12 years. I then married an alcoholic. I have raised two boys almost exclusively by myself. I have had financial problems most of my adult life. I have a child w/ a chronic medical problem and behavorial health problems. I, myself, have a chronic degenerative medical condition, and something somewhere hurts every day. So, I have made a choice NOT to allow myself to allow any of these things to rob me a minute of peace in my today, or in my future. Some of these things that happened were my own choices. Some were cards I was dealt. None of them need to be a part of my today.Today, I can be thankful for my blessings and the strength I have been blessed w/ from my past.

That said, just like everyone else I have bad days. Today, happens to be one of them. I feel like crap. There is someone in my life who I miss terribly- I actually feel an ache in my heart. Several stressful things happened this afternoon.I did not want to deal w/ them, I wanted to lie down on the couch w/ a magazine. I wanted a nap. I wanted to see this special person that I miss so much. Then, because I am a nut, I start feeling guilty for being upset. After all, there are people w/ real problems. What I had going on today would be a great day for some.So, I am feeling down, and feeling guilty as if I have no right.That really can mess w/ a girl,lol.

I am no superhuman that has no bad days. I am not cold to emotion- I feel heartache like anyone else. I am not a perfect woman only having perfect days.

Everything is just a matter of perception.Instead of being upset that I don't feel good, I need to be thankful that I can walk. Instead of feeling that ache, I need to remember why I feel it- I am in love! As for the stressful things that happened, it is because I have a home to live in, beautiful children to care for and a job. All of those things are blessings!

Getting off of my soapbox now.....

went to the dr. today

I told my boys I had a dr appt. today. Usually I get the whole why are you being a baby and going to the dr thing, but today they seemed concerned. I did not feel well yesterday- not sick like go to the dr sick , just didn't feel good.

Anyway, this was not that kind of appt- it was every woman's favorite appt. I told the guys not to worry that I was fine. They kept pressing the issue so I finally had to tell them.

Joel said "EWWWW" lol. I said, my thoughts exactly.

Anyway, I love my doc, and it went fine. Everything is good.

I have dropped some more weight- so that's good too!

Tomorrow I am going to get up, and go have a manicure and then I am going to come home and scrapbook all day. I am sooo looking forward to that.

I have a whole list of phone calls that are the kind where you wait on hold forfreakingever tomorrow, so I figure I will scrap and hold the phone to one ear. Hows that for multi tasking,lol.

Anyway- take care everyone!

so close.... yet so far

So my divorce will be final Aug 17. I think that sounds far away- everyone else says it seems so quick. Guess it is all a matter of perspective, plus- I tend to be on the impatient side.

Anyway,good things are happening to me these days still. I am madly, over the top in love, my job is going well, my kids are doing well. Time for me to hit the hay- only plesant dreams here!

It's a great day to be alive.........

ahh one of my favorite songs.

Anyway, I figured it was just as good as any for a title.

10 reasons it is great to be alive for me today:


1. The three of us are healthy, we have good food to eat today and a roof over our heads. Who needs more than that?

2.My dog just came over and licked my cheek. Awwww..........

3.I have a Monk DVD from Netflix to watch today.

4.I went to the grocery store on my way home from work today and bought food that we can eat that does not involve me having to cook it for breakfast lunch and dinner. Woo Hoo!

5.I am happy about where my life is going and for the first time in a very long time I am looking forward to the future!

6.I have some good girlfriends. Really good. Love that.

7.My dad is coming over tomorrow to do the man stuff that needs to be done around here.

8.Tonight is Karaoke night for me!( I know, I'm a goofball)

9. I found some new tea- strawberry- yum, can't wait till it's done.

10. All 3 of us have the day off of work! Hope I can convince these teenagers to spend some time w/ their boring old mom.

I hope it is a great day to be alive for you..... if it's not- consider the alternative!

Lisa

my deep thought for the day.....

On at least 2 occasions yessterday I noticed how very little my family thinks I can handle when I am a single woman.

Reflecting on this, it happened last time too, either I did not notice it at the time or I had long since forgotten.

My vacuum sucks ( or it actually doesn't as the case may be) and I mentioned to Joel that I was going to look for a new one. Joel thinks I should wait until he can go w/ me, because at 17 he knows more about them since he is a boy.

I decided that I might go and tan one or two times, since I am working nights and never hardly see the light of day. Both my boys acted like I have no functioning brain cells.

My parents do the same type of thing.

I can honestly say that I like to be married. I am a good wife. I have not been so good about picking the right person to be married to, but thats another story. However, I am perfectly capable ( probably even more so when I don't have someone to count on) of handling my life. I have raised these boys almost alone. I make decisions every day. I have never been arrested, I have never been in a car accident that was my fault. I have never fallen victim to a nigerian email scam. I can handle choosing a vacuum, weighing the risks of tanning, calling for a tow truck and the other issues that face americans today.

Today I have decided to realize that this comes from concern and love for me, and not really a lack of faith. Hopefully I rememember that next time it happens....

Paperwork filed.Nuff said on that,lol.

Busy day tomorrow again, but thats good.

I went to the library today, for the first time in ages. I got a few good books on a few topis I am interested in these days. I am a non fiction reader.I hardly ever read any fiction although as a teenager I loved to read trashy romance novels.

Now I am looking for a book of sheet music online. I had one, it is the best ever, and now since I moved I can not find it anywhere. Of course it is prolly out of print,lol. I think I will check ebay.

Work is going pretty good, I love my new truck, and life in general is going pretty good.

I am going to attempt a better entry tomorrow- this one blows but I am tired,lol.

the long arm of the law............

Yesterday I got some bad news about a kiddo that I really care about quite a bit. One of Josh's friends, that practically lived w/ me for a couple of years has gotten himself into some more trouble. He's safe, in detention, and will be heading to rehab right after. 15 years young. Into some really heavy stuff.Weapons, hard drugs. I guess it was a blessing he was caught before someone really got hurt.

I picked up my divorce packet on Tuesday. I'm ready to wrap up that part of my old life and move on to chapter whatever this is now,lol. You would think w/ all the practice husbands I have I would be better at figuring out how to fill these papers out, but I keep having to ask questions,lol. Good thing we don't have anything hard like kids or property. Ahh well, hopefully I never need it again.

I am happy. I feel good. My life is going pretty good right now.

Guess thats it..
Lisa

Summer is here!

The city pool opens this weekend and that means my guys are at work. Joel is a lifeguard this summer again, and Josh is the Head Cashier. They are both glad to be there.

Things are going really well at work, I like the work at night a lot. I feel like I almost know what I am doing now,lol so that is another good thing.

I am enjoying my new car. It really is just too stinking cute.

I think I am going to spend tomorrow afternoon doing fun stuff. Exactly what that means I am not sure, but I know I need to do something fun.

today is a big day

My oldest son is graduating high school today. He is graduating w/ honors, and of course, we are all very proud of him. He has big plans, that kid does,lol.It really does seem like yesterday that he was 4 lbs, fitting in my hand and not able to lift his head or sleep longer than 2 hrs. Now he can do really hard math, save people's lives and decide what kind of life he wants to have. He is everyone's friend and almost always knows the right thing to do. He really is an incredible person and I would want to know him even if he didn't belong to me.

For the inquiring minds, John and I are still together. Things are really, really good.

I am tired, I worked last night, so I am heading out!
Lisa

I really really hate thinking of stupid titles.....

So today I got my new car. I really don't enjoy car shopping,and when everyone was telling me to have fun picking out my new car, I wondered if I am the only one who hates shopping for a car. This was a little easier since I did not have some stupid man trying to tell me what I wanted (other than the car salesman). Actually the car salesman was alright this time- everything worked out pretty well. I am happy w/ what I got, and the boys even like it. I was not there the entire flippin day, like usual, just 3 or 4 hrs. Since I am already getting a divorce, car shopping is not going to cause me to want to divorce anyone,lol.
I wanted a little SUV ( OK- I wanted a tahoe, but yaknow, that just isn't practical for me) so that is what I was looking for. My two main criteria is that it had to not be a car and it had to have good cupholders. My last car did not have any cup holders and let me tell you that is a huge pain in the ass.My new ride has 4, count 'em 4 cup holders. Sweeeeet. The kids were impressed w/ the stereo, and the fact that they fit in the back seat,lol. I can't wait for tomorrow so I can have somewhere to go,lol.
I will try to take a pic tomorrow so I can show it to all of you,lol.
Take care,
Lisa

real quick update

since I was a bad blogger and did not update this while I was off of work,lol...
I got a call from the insurance company and they are ready to settle the property part of the claim. I am going to get enough money out of it to put a down pmt on another car. That's cool- I just have to choose a car and coordinate getting my other car picked up and turned over to said ins company..
Cross your fingers for me.....................
Take care!

switching from normal to abnormal

not sure if my friends would agree that I used to be normal, but for sure, now I am not. I have started working 6pm to 6 am. That is just not normal.I have so many sleep issues, and trying to sleep during the day is one of them. Eventually I will just drop dead from exaustion I think.

I do enjoy working at night, it is a whole different ball game than during the day.All the young gals work at night. ( except me of course,lol- they were making fun of me!)My friend Kristie told everyone that I was born in 1940. Thanks girl.....

Someone I know asked me the other day what do I really want out of life. I am at a crossroads in my life- free to chose whatever it is that I want.Had I been asked that question in January, I would have had a totally different answer than I do now that it is May.

I have to say that I believe that happiness is internal, not external. So I can't look for someone or something to make me happy. I just have to be. That is not to say that I need to put negative things in my life, as a challenge,lol.

I also believe there is more than one path to that happiness. I could teach, and be happy. I could be a dispatcher, and be happy. I could be happy in AZ. I could be happy somewhere else. I could stay single and be happy. I could get married again and be happy.

When I say that my answer is different now than it was in January, I had decided after two marriages, and a miserable dating situation, that I was just going to raise my sons, learn my new job and live my life. It was obvious to me that I was not going to find someone right for me, and it was time to just be happy on my own. Then, in February, there I was minding my own business and wham-o.

Now I do want to be w/ someone again. I want to take care of someone and have someone take care of me. I want to love and be loved. I want to make him the happiest man on the planet and I want to be the happiest woman. I want to wake up and see him next to me. I will quit before I gross all of you guys out,lol.

I will close w/ a story of a woman who taught me so much, and I was supposed to be her child's teacher. She had 4 boys, all under the age of 6. Her man was a big looser, and left her w/ the kids and took off w/ someone else. She was living in govt housing, on welfare, food stamps etc. Her apartment was tiny- you could barely walk in there. At the time, I had 3 bathrooms in my house, and could not imagine 5 people trying to share one. She did not have a car. Her dinner table wobbled and none of her chairs matched. One time I was there and the light above her table had burned out and she mentioned waiting until the beginning of the month to get another light bulb.

She was the happiest person that I had ever met. She loved each one of her boys with all of her heart. She worked hard to raise them individually, not just in survival mode, if you know what I mean. Her apt was clean, she took a lot of pride in it, and always made a snack or some coffee or something when I did my home visits. She always had a special story about something cute one of the boys did. I never once heard her complain about her situation,her ex husband, or any of the choices that she made that lead her to that situation. I will never forget her, and as I have had challenges in my life, I always am reminded of her, and how she was honestly happy and at peace. Her joy came from raising her children.

Night,
Lisa

ssssssssssssss

snakes-I like snakes. I had a Ball Python for a long time. I even like rattlesnakes. They are important to our environment, and people should respect them.

sarcasm-My sense of humor. I love sarcasm.

sage-I love to grow sage, it is a beautiful plant.

salad-I am into salads now.

salt-I love salty stuff, my fave is cheddar sour cream ruffles

sugar- love sugar too, especially chocolate.

scent- I like vanilla scented stuff.

secrets- I am not the best at keeping secrets. I am not a very private person, so it is hard for me to keep a secret unless someone specifically asks me to.

smile- I have been smiling a lot more lately.

should-I get hung up on what I should be doing. I have a huge sense of responsibility to other people and it gets in my way sometimes.

sports- I love to watch my kids play sports.

strawberries- are yummy.Especially w/ sugar and cream.

t is for...

table- I use my parents first dining room table. They wanted something new, after my sister and I moved out. I could not imagine getting rid of something so sentimental. So my sons and I eat there, but no one sits on the chair w/ the seat that was scratched by my booster chair.

tangelos- way better than oranges.

tape recorder- I wonder if my grandkids will even know what that is.

tarantula- Josh had one as a pet for about a year.

teachers- there are good ones, and not so good ones.

television- I could prolly do w/o it, but my kids like to have a billion channels so they can watch the same shows on the same old channels. Guess it is a comfort thing. I do like court tv, lifetime and cmt.

Tennessee- I have always wanted to go there. I have a good friend who lives there. Hi Kristiegk!

tetherball- When Joel was in kindergarten and 1st grade, he played tetherball so much that his hand bled. It was an obsession to him.

Texas- My good friend Vivian lives in Texas.

thankful- I try to count my blessings.

thigh-my favorite piece of chicken.

thirties- I am almost done w/ my thirties,lol.

tiger- Someone told me once that you can't cage a tiger. What if he walks into the cage by himself??

tinker- my dad's life work

traditions- I love traditions.

traffic- hate it, that was a big reason I moved out of PHX.

u is for........

ultimate-The ultimate drink place is Sonic. The ultimate dog is the Chow Chow. The ultimate profession is teacher ( for w/o teachers there would be no other professions). The ultimate job is being a parent, since you are your child's first and most important teacher. The ultimate candy bar is the Hersheys Special Dark. The ulitmate pizza toppings are ham and pineapple.

uncertainty-These are uncertain times we live in. The longer I live the more uncertainty I feel. Of course 20 years ago- I knew everything. The only thing that is certain is that things change and people adapt. Good thing I might have finally figured that out.

uniform-I believe in non conformity. I believe that each of us has to walk our own path. I believe that a toddlers temper tantrum is one of the most important parts of a person's development. I do not believe that anyone, particulary school children should be required to wear a uniform. I personally follow rules and laws w/ almost an anal psychosis, but secretly cheer on those who push that envelope. ( I am obviously not talking about people who commit crimes and hurt other people)

unlikely-
It is unlikely that I will ever-
drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, do drugs, or take narcotic prescription painkillers.
like raw onions
want to stop scrapbooking
totally understand my exes
want to give up caffiene
want to give up chocolate
be a size 7 again
change my opinions about some of my key beliefs
like the music my youngest son likes



uplift-I saw this quote the other day- " Nothing is worth more than the human soul".I am trying to remember that as I try not to let little things that don't really matter irritate me. Is Josh's soul more important than him having a clean room. Of course. Is Joel's belief that the world is a big and rosy place just waiting him to make his mark more important than giving him a dose of my reality? Of course. Is the extra couple of minutes it takes to help someone out worth any incovenience to me? Of course. So, let's try to uplift eachother not tear eachother down. Everyone is having a hard time- let's play nice.

V is for.............

vacuum- I dislike vacuuming. It hurts my wrists, plus I just hate it. Joel is our resident vacuumer. He is planning on bringing his laundry home from college next year for me to do,and he can vacuum for me. Good deal.

value- I value my family. I value my health. I value my peace. I value my intelligence.I value the time that I have left w/ my sons in this house.I value my photographs, videos and other memories.I value children. I value the new relationship and friendships I am developing.

vanilla- I love the smell of vanilla. I get all my smell good stuff in Bath and Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar Scent.I only use real vanilla in baking. I use vanilla candles. And, last but not least, my life is "vanilla" and I like it that way.

Velveeta- I love this totally bad for you stuff. I know it is not a real food, and I just don't care. Yum yum yum!

view- I love the view from my kitchen window. It looks out on the Sawtooth Mountains, and I can see my birdfeeder and birdbath from there.

violence- I was a victim of domestic violence for 10 years. I stayed because I thought it was best for my children to live w/ both of their parents.I thought that I could work it out, after all my parents did not always agree and they have been married for 40 years. For most of that 10 years I was not really really afraid. I did not like it, I knew it was wrong but I did not live in fear every second. Towards the end of the relationship I was in fear. He said if I left he would kill me and I believed him.If you are reading this and you are a victim, take steps to leave so that you can be safe. It does not get better. You are stronger than you know and there are people to help you. He just does not want you to know that.

w is for...

whackadoodle- one of my favorite words, for anyone who is not rational, or if you do something dorky.

waffle- I prefer thin crispy waffles to those poofy belgin waffles.. and only Mrs. Butterworths syrup please.

waist- I have lost 35 lbs now... I almost have one.

The Waltons- I wanted to be Olivia, and have that big ol family. And that cool old truck.

waste- I try not to be wasteful, and to live light on this earth.

watch- I used to have this cool Taz watch. Now I just carry my phone and don't need to wear it anymore.

water- please please drink enough water. Your body will thank you for it.

weed- come on people- aren't we stupid enough??

white westhighland terriers- these cool little doggies that my parents and sister love. They have 5 between them and it is a hoot when they all get together.

west- southwest, to be exact... the only home I know.

wind- don't like it,I get scared if it is really windy.

wings- honey hot wings from Native New Yorker.... heaven on earth

wrong- I don't know as much as I did 20 years ago. I am wrong often now. I don't even care if I am wrong anymore. And, I think thats cool.

Well- I am done now...

x is for

x-ray- I have had lots of x-rays throughout my life. As a a pre-teen/teenager I had scoliosis so I had to have the curvature of my spine x-rayed on a regular basis. I sprained both my ankles in my lifetime and have had those x-rayed as well. Last time I went to the doctor I had just about every joint x-rayed. That was fun...

xylophone- I got to play the xylophone one week in marching band after I had had some oral surgery and was not able to play my piccolo. I love the way they sound.


X-rated- K, here are my thoughts on porn- ( not that you asked, mind you but there sure are not many words that start w/ X).I am personally neither offended nor turned on by porn. I do not believe it degrades women, I actually believe it degrades the men who look at it. I do not care if anyone else likes it, as long as everyone who is involved is an adult. I would not be upset if my man enjoyed porn, as long as he enjoyed me just a little bit more.

y is for-

yard sales- I used to love them, now I have way too much of my own crap to need to shop for someone elses,lol.
yogurt- I love yoplait vanilla yogurt. Nothing else will do.
yellow- I really like yellow flowers, particularly daffodils.
yes- I look for ways to tell my children yes. That way when I have to tell them no they know it is for a good reason.
yellow pages- I knew I was going to like my small town when I saw the phone book was only 8x10 and maybe an inch and a half thick. I moved from Phoenix where we had 3 really big ol heavy phone books.
yeah- I know it is bad grammar to use, but I say yeah all of the time.

z is for-

I was reading back through some old entries the other day and I realized I stopped doing the alpha thing. I of course can't remember where I left off so I figure I will start at the end and go backwards. That is usually how I operate anyway- going about something from the wrong side,lol.
anyway- z is for-
zoloft- I have several family members who take it and all I can say is I thank God for zoloft- what a difference it has made in their lives ( and mine)

zoo-I love going to the zoo.I used to take my boys there all of the time when they were small. One time, Joel was 19 months, Josh was newborn and their dad and I took them to the zoo. I was exhausted- and Joel was SO excited to be there. He loved every animal- did not want to miss a thing. He was resisting being in the stroller,and he always hated to hold my hand. I was almost in tears after being there for an hour or so. We walk up to the tiger exhibit, and there is a sweet little girl there, sitting nicely in her stroller. I was thinking to myself- why didn't I get one of those,lol. Her mom was watching Joel squeal and try to climb out of the stoller. I was trying to nurse Josh, and as usual their dad was somewhere w/ his head up you know where. I was telling Joel to be careful. I thought he was gonna flip the stoller over or take off on me. Her mom says to me "Man, I wish my daughter was that excited about the animals- she doesn't even seem to care that we are here". Isn't that funny- two people each wanting what they don't have.Joel has always been intense. Wonder where he gets it from. I did not realize it then, but I am definately not a girls mom. I would not be cut out for that!

zodiac- I love to read it for fun, and I am a typical Virgo, but I don't actually believe in astrology.

Zero- number of daughters I have, number of alcoholic drinks I have had, number of cigarettes I have smoked, and the amount of chocolate I have in the house right now.

What a day!

I had a flat tire this morning ( big bummer).

I somehow missed a call from my lawyer about my car accident ( bigger bummer,lol). Gonna have to call her back tomorrow.

I did get to see a good friend today- totally changed the mood of the day. We watched some movies, talked a lot- it was a good day.

Sunday I slept most of the day ( oops- I never do that,lol) today I dealt w/ the tire and hung w/ my friend. That means that tomorrow I better get all my stuff done that I gotta get done.

My dad is coming over tomorrow to help do all the guy stuff that needs to be done around here. He is just the best dad a gal could ask for I tell you.

Well, I'm off..........

yo

So I am out of titles again,lol.

I was forced to update this blogger account. You know I was forced to, otherwise I would never have switched to the new and improved blogger. I dislike change and for goodness sake- what was wrong w/ the old blogger. It says nothing has changed, but it is new and improved............ whatever.

I can now blog in Hindu. Cool- I will get right on that.

OK- so I am so tired. I have not been able to fall asleep before 11 one night this week- what the heck is that about?? And I had my first dream about work last night- ugh!

I am really liking my job now- I have some more skills- I don't feel clueless all day
(just part of it)

I scrapbooked last night for the first time in ages, since my friend Vivian was here from Texas. I need to get back in the habit. I think I don't scrap as often since I don't have large blocks of time all at once like I used to. How did I used to do that when I worked before.... I forget,lol.

I got my guitar out the night before that also- haven't touched that in at least a year. I think I suck, Joel was impressed,lol. Honestly I don't play well- just good enough that 3 and 4 yr olds don't throw stuff at you.

Most heard phrases around our house these days........................
"Who drank all the sweet tea?"
"It is not my turn to let in the dogs"
"Are you ever going to cook, mom?"
"Who made this mess?"
"Can you turn down your radio?"
and since gas is 3 freaking dollars a gallon... "Mom... can I have some more money?"

josh at his last paintball tourney

 

Josh had the opportunity to go to CA for a pump paintball tournament. He had an awesome time. His team did not do well, but they are going to another tournament this weekend so they have another chance at well, whatever they have a chance at,lol.

Joel is in San Luis,AZ today playing baseball. San Luis is right on the border of Mexico, and when he is there his phone actually thinks he is in Mexico. It is a good hike from here, and I have TONS to do so I am just staying home today.

This week is National Telecommunicators Week.( I had no idea there was such a thing, but 911 dispatchers are recognized nationally this week, and our fire and police depts take the time to acknowledge us I guess) Our Fire Chief had a dinner for us last night, and I got to meet some of the people that work in that department. That was pretty cool. They have all been working together for quite awhile so I got to hear lots of funny stories, and get some history.

I am now down 27 lbs and my pants do not fit,lol. I tried to buy pants over the weekend but did not have any luck. I am going to have to head out of town I am afraid.

OK- lots to do and little time... peace out. 

It's official.....

I am old.

I was at walmart yesterday. I was there the day before, but since I am old I forgot several things and had to go back.

There were lots of young families there, little kids, young cute mommies. They were buying beach towels, sand toys, diapers, etc. I was buying splints for my wrists ( work is killing me,lol) rolaids, and air freshener cuz my teenage sons stink.

Time marches on......

no good deed goes unpunished...

So almost 2 weeks ago I was in a car accident. Totally not my fault, but as usual, the not at fault person gets screwed the worst,lol.

I was rear ended in the freeway, we were both going fast ( him obviously faster than me,lol). I have pretty significant damage to my car, and I actually had whiplash. I felt good last week and now, I am still having some problems so I am gonna have to get that looked at I guess.

He did stop and pull over, and was a pretty nice guy about the whole thing. I would never have known who hit me ( it was dark) had he not stopped. He called his insurance right away, they gave me a policy number and I decided not to call the police. All I wanted was compensation for my car.

Well, his insurance company is now jacking me around. I just started my new job and really don't have the time or energy to deal w/ this, ya know?I contaced an attorney today, so hopefully that will get things started.

I talked w/ John a little bit this weekend. I miss him. I wish I knew where this was going. I guess we never do- you know the saying.. If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. I have had my entire life planned out since the first day of kindergarten. Needless to say.. it hasn't quite worked out as I thought,lol. I have had to re invent myself now for the third time. It sure gets harder as you get older, but at the same time, I am really liking my life right now. I like the people that I work w/, I am starting to feel more competent, I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in as long as I can remember.

Welp... he's gone

and I am so sad! I feel like a big ol dork- I didn't really know John that long, but there will be an emptiness w/ him gone.

I also feel like a dork because, for heaven's sakes, I just ended a 10 year relationship and I was much less upset about that. Like really happy, lol not upset at all, and here I am, knowing John for 6 weeks or whatever, and I feel kicked in the gut.

I knew he was leaving the day I met him. I thought it was going to be in July, at first, and that was cool w/ me, cuz after all- I wasn't looking. Then, it got moved up to April, but I was still fine, cuz we were just having fun.

Then, we started having feelings for eachother, things got intense. I still knew he was leaving, but we were supposed to be able to see eachother one more time. Just once more. That was the plan. Now, I dunno what the plan is. If we had known eachother longer, we could have decided what the plan was.

Things change, we have no control over them. The heart wants what the heart wants. Will I ever see him again? Will I ever hear his voice again? Is he being honest about why he is leaving? Does he really want to come back and see me again? I don't want to see anyone else, but how long does a person not see someone else? I guess you don't see anyone else as long as you don't want to, and when you do, then you do.

I guess I have to realize that I have no regrets here. I would have still done everything exactly the same- you know, I could have missed the pain, but then I would have missed the dance.(Thanks Garth). I learned so much, had so much fun, found the type of man I would like to see myself with. Hopefully, someday, it is him. If not, then I had a great ride and met someone who was great to know.

time for a break

from work that is. I have a lot of studying to do for work- lots of codes/abbreviations to learn. My brain feels all mushy so I am taking a break.

My kids are also on Spring Break this week, and I am off until Thursday, so we will be taking a break together.

I have a cold- which sux,lol. I hardly ever get sick, but alas, it happened.

So many exciting things happening in my life right now. The gal who is training me at work is happy w/ my progress, even if I am feeling frustrated. Joel is headed to ASU Frosh orientation this week. I guess that is happening to Joel, but it is happening to me too. He's got one foot out the door already,lol.

I am feeling mostly settled here in my new place. I started hanging things on the wall, organizing stuff and continuing to decide what to get rid of.

I have started going out more. I love karaoke,lol- kinda hokey huh? I have been trying to go at least once a week.

I have lost 15 lbs since Jan- pretty happy about that. Yeah, I'm trying,lol. People ask, are you trying?? Well duh- how else do they think it's happening? No Aladin's lamp here w/ a genie asking me for any wishes.

And the craziest freaking thing happened to me about a month ago. A girlfriend of mine, and her cousin were begging me to go out w/ them. We usually like different things ( they dance, I don't, and I don't listen to the type of music they listen to, and they usually head out of town to go out) but this time, they wanted to go somewhere in town. I almost cancelled at the last minute, but I had cancelled lunch w/ her two days before. I was tired, feeling down, but I drug myself out. I was having a good time. There weren't very many people there, so I got a lot of turns to sing. There was this goofy guy hitting on my friend, she was talking to him. He was at the table w/ two other guys. I was uneasy cuz I know how this goes, ya know? 3 guys, 3 girls. Only this girl isn't interested.

I got up to go to the restroom and when I came back out, one of the guys from that table was standing in the lobby waiting to talk to me. " Oh man" I thought to myself. I was SO not interested. I was honestly there just to sing. I have mentioned my man troubles here- I so don't need any more. I am just gonna raise my kids, learn my new job and move on w/ my life.
We talk a little bit, and for some reason he facinates me. He is confident. I like that. He talks about himself, he asks me about me. I like that too. He's "into" me- I like that too. I don't really care about his motives at that point- I was enjoying talking w/ him, walking w/ him. It was fun, nice. I am intoxicated by his confidence.

I give him my phone number, and we say we are going to meet the next evening. He was a little- OK, a lot pushy when I was leaving to go home, I was waaaay pissed off, so I had decided to wait until tuesday to meet him for dinner. My kids had the next day off of school, so we were all going to hang together anyway.

We meet for dinner the day after that and I was so darn nervous,lol No clue why- I had no reason to be, remember I was not going to date anyone,lol. No getting involved, this was just dinner. But, who knows why- I just was.

Again, he was confident- have I mentioned how much I like that?? I did not realize how much energy I have been wasting dealing w/ insecure men. It is just plain exhausting dealing w/ them. There is nothing I can say to this guy that makes him defensive. We disagree on some fairly important issues ( at least to me) and he is confident enough about himself to discuss them w/o getting all weird. Love that.

I am learning so much about myself, well remembering things I used to know, I guess. Love that too.

Ok, well, we continue to go out, and he has to leave AZ for business. He was here on business. This sux. LOL.

I don't even hear from him for a week. I figure I won't ever hear from him again. I was a little sad, I was having a lot of fun. He was challenging to me, in a good way. Made me think. Reminded me I was a woman, not just a mom. He reminded me what I would be looking for in a man, if I was looking. But- I'm not.

Ok now I'm looking. I don't want to give up on sharing my life w/ someone. I love taking care of people and darn it, the people I am taking care of now are going to move out,lol.

Out of the blue, he calls. My heart flips. Woah. It was just a chat. He is still out of state, and who knows when/if he is coming back. It was great to hear from him. He's gonna call me again sometime.

Sometime came a few hrs later,lol Maybe I'm on his mind as much as he is on mine?? We had a great talk that afternoon, talked on and on about stuff. I feel so great, starting to feel like a woman again, starting to be comfortable in my own skin again. Feeling more adequate. Maybe I have something to offer someone. Maybe if I am more careful this time, I could pick someone worth picking.

We talk almost every day that week. It feels like we are getting closer, even tho we are miles away.

All of a sudden I get a call that he's back. I'm over the moon,lol. We see eachother. I can't get enough of this guy. I feel so great when we talk, when we see eachother. The best part of it though, is the way I feel when I am not w/ him. I still feel good. I look forward to seeing him again, yes, but I also feel good about ME. And that is just awesome.

My feelings are very strong. I think his are too. We both have things on our plate though. The timing stinks. LOL.

He's leaving again in 2 weeks, and this time for a long time. It's a big bummer, but it's ok too. We talked about continuing to talk to eachother, and seeing eachother again. I'm gonna be fine. I have lots of loose ends to tie up anyway, and lots of things I need/want to do.
Well, that is the story of me, and john. We'll see where this leads.

week one...

ok- I can already see why my co workers don't know what day it is.... I have lost my internal clock/calendar already,lol. I thought yesterday was monday, and not sure what I thought today was,lol.

This job is very different than teaching, in that it is much less physical.When I was teaching, I was draggin my butt home every day, and w/ this, even though the shifts are much longer, I am ready to run around after sitting most of the day.

My kids are doing ok, they have risen to the occasion- they are having to help more w/ chores, and getting some things done that are really not their favorites.

Josh is in California at a paintball tourney.That is super fun for him. He is really proud of himself, and hopefully it goes well.

anyway- I'm off- more coming soon

ok- it's time!

This will probably be the longest post in history- so make sure you have a favorite drink, and that you have a comfy seat!

There have been many things happening to me lately, that for various reasons I have had to keep under wraps. I am going to start at what I feel is the beginning and go on from there.

A little over 2 years ago, my husband had a very serious heart condition ( he had an ascending aortic dissection- the condition that killed John Ritter). He almost died, and was hospitalized for a little over two weeks. At that time I found out that he was drinking heavily and also smoking.
( Neither of these cause this heart condition, however they made his recovery much more difficult) There are a variety of reasons that I did not know he was drinking/smoking, but I suppose that is another post and not really relevant to this story.

He came home from the hospital, participated in physical therapy and the other parts of his recovery process, and returned to work.During the time he was home, we went to marriage counseling and I believed we were on the right track. Kind of a second chance at life, so to speak.

That did not last very long, and by the end of that first year, he was again drinking heavily. I was "paying attention" this time,lol so I caught it. I again got him to go to counseling w/ me, but he would not go alone, and tackle his alcohol problem.

Around that time, he was diagnosed w/ a couple of other medical problems, again not related to alcohol, which really is to his detriment since he now believes that I am the root of his medical problems, and since alcohol is not the cause, it must be good for him.

I dealt with this the best I could, continuing to try to support/help him. After about 6 months of that, I realized that I am not going to be able to fix this- I am going to have to save myself/my children.

I begin a job search, since during my marriage I was a SAHM. Do I go back into teaching( which I love more than almost anything, but was difficult w/ my own health problems) or do I look for something that will pay a bit better and possibly not have the physical demands of being a preschool teacher.

A friend of mine is a 911 dispatcher, and after toying w/ the idea of it, and deciding how it would work w/ my children, I decide to apply.

My husband gets upset- why am I doing that, etc. I was honest w/ him that I am protecting myself/my children, in case he is unable to get it together.

He starts to "get it together"- at least on the surface. Again, this is very short lived.

The process to become a 911 dispatcher is long. It is taking forever,lol. There are tests, checks, and lots of delays.

A couple of days after New Years ( now we are in '07,lol) I get a knock on my door. It is the Sherriff telling me that I have 15 days to leave the house I had lived in for the last 10 years. This house was not a dream house to most- but I loved everything about it.

It seems my husband had decided that he no longer wanted to pay any bills. He wants to be free from all responsibilty and have lots of money to "party and invest in the lottery". I am now left to find someone that wants to rent to someone who has just had a forclosure ( thankfully the loan was not in my name and thus not the forclosure) and move my life to another place.

I found a nice place, and was able to keep all of my animals ( I have some livestock, in addition to dogs)and am still in my kids' school district, and am fairly settled in. I am beginning to like it here. My kids like it here- and are feeling good that the stress and drama has left our lives.

Finally after much waiting, testing and such ( I even had to take a polygraph,lol) I was officially offered my job, and will be starting on Monday. I had orientation this week, and am happy with the benefit package and the cost of said benefits.

This has been a rough ride for me, but I am feeling good about where I am headed and what my new life has in store for me. Thanks all for reading this, and for being good friends to me, even when you had no idea what was happening in my life.

whaddareyagonnadoaboudit?

It has been brought to my attention that I am a bad blogger. I would totally agree w/ you, but that is not my nature.
I have so much to say, but I can't yet. Once I have the go ahead- I will be able to tell ya'll everything. Then you will be wishing that I would shush already. I promise. Trust me. It's good, and worth the wait.( OK I dunno about that part but it sounds good.)
Take care... until next time...
Lisa

just a wee update

I got a call today from the commander of the police dept I am hoping to dispatch for. I must have given a wrong address for a reference, so I had to go get the right addy and call it in. He said that is all we are waiting on, and since I don't have any concerns about his reference- I am really starting to feel good about this!!
I was getting worried and applied for two jobs on friday that were in my former field ( early childhood ed). I would prefer the dispatcher job, so hopefully that all does work out, but I felt like I needed some eggs in another basket so to speak.
all right- one of my kids is bugging for thier turn so I am off!

okee dokee

still here,lol.
Still not working, but progress is being made. I know they have checked references, and I have not recieved a thanks, but no thanks, letter. From my experience in working w/ goverment agencies- they are pretty slow,lol.
I have needed the time anyway, to get some other things settled, so like they say, everything happens for a reason.


I am excited that spring is almost here in az. I have been walking around my yard, trying to decide what is next on my project list.


I have been good about getting rid of things lately. Almost every day for the past 2 weeks I have taken at least one box to goodwill. I will probably have a yard sale once it warms up, and donate what doesn't sell. Then, what a great feeling I will have to only have the things I need and love around me- instead of all the packrat stuff I have been saving for who knows what reason,lol.


My favorite dog of all times, Taz, is getting old. He is 12 now, and still occasionally has bursts of energy and runs around like a puppy, but for the most part, he is really showing his age. He is having trouble getting up the steps to the porch.His hearing is not as sharp as it used to be. He wants to lie on my feet all of the time- he follows me everywhere. He is annoyed at our lively basset hound's non stop energy. I love this dog.


Today, Josh and I are going to my moms to get my hair colored, and to visit his favorite paintball store. I am going to go to bookmans too- with two boxes of books in hand,lol. Bookmans is the best used book store ever. They take books in trade, I usually end up spending more than I earn, but lately, while on my decluttering mission, I have racked up quite a store credit- fearing that I will have to dust one more book if I bring it home,lol.
Joel, being of sound mind and independant body- thinks going with Josh and I to grandmas sounds like a form of torture, so he isn't gonna go.

when life hands you lemons........

make lemonade! That is the month,year, life I am having right now,lol. I am struggling w/ some things, but I feel more mentally healthy than I have in a long time. Lots of changes happening in my life. Change=stress for me. However, each and every one of these changes will be for the best.... at some point.

On the job front, things are still progressing, I have a polygraph scheduled for next week. If I haven't mentioned it, I am just completely and totally freaked out at the idea of taking this test. I don't have any reason to be freaked out. Hopefully I rise to this occasion and just do fine.

My oldest son Joel has been busy at work practicing his "lawyer skills" He debates every issue. It is less than wonderful,lol. He is becoming independant and has lost his desire to be part of this family and help out. He and I are identical souls and hopefully he comes around sooner than later.

Josh, who on the surface seems like he could care less about others, on the other hand has been the most supportive wonderful person around.

Take care!

Ho Ho Ho

Merry Christmas!

sorry to keep you hanging............

I don't really have anything to report. I feel like I did OK on my interview, and I did pass the required tests. There are more openings than applicants so things are looking good for me.
I am subject to a background check ( not worried) and a polygraph( worried).
This process will take around two weeks, so hopefully not too long after christmas I will be starting.
There is a lot of stress in my life right now, I'm not really getting into christmas this year. This is my oldests last christmas at home and I just can't "get into it". I am into it enough for him, he has pretty low standards,lol.
I am going to force myself to put some of the stress aside tomorrow and try to get something pulled together,lol.
Have a good week everyone!
Lisa

hey there

This is what Josh does while he is at work. He got shot a lot of times last weekend- he has circular welts all over him!

He has been getting quite a few hours at the Paintball field, and one of the owners has him doing construction type jobs at a house he is building. Great experience! Their work Christmas party is Friday night- we are pretty excited.

I tested for the 911 dispatcher position in my neighboring city and the Indian Reservation nearby. I have an oral interview ( the second step) w/ the Reservation tomorrow morning. I bought a new blouse for the occasion,lol. I have not worked in 4 years- this is pretty exciting. This will be life altering. I have never done anything but teach preschool. I was great at that, the hours were great. I could do it in my sleep,lol. This will be very challenging and the hours will be something I am not used to. I am also not used to the kind of money they make,lol. ( Several dollars an hour more than teaching paid) Hoping that balances it out.

It's getting cool here in AZ finally, although I had to use the A/C in my car a couple of days ago,lol. 

oops............ here I am.........

I did write a post right before thanksgiving, and who knows where it went,lol. Anyway, here's what's up.
We went to Munds Park ( 20 miles south of Flagstaff) for the Thanksgiving holiday. We left right after Joel got out of school on Wednesday and stayed till Sunday. It was a glorious wonderful time. I really enjoyed the rest!
There were, of course a few tense moments. We had my parents, my sister, her husband and baby, and the three of us. Add 5 little dogs to the mix and you can imagine........... There were people and animals everywhere.
Some stuff I never want to forget:
The AH-HA moment my mom and I had...........
The fishing time my BIL spent with my guys.
Saturday afternoon, on the couch for hours with my mom watching Lifetime Movies.
My AH-HA moment while watching When A Man Loves A Woman.
Taking my mom and sister to the LSS in Flagstaff.......... and my mom deciding that she is sure she will never scrapbook because she would never have any extra time or money. ( LOL, yep, that's about right)
Cooking the usual Sunday breakfast...... Biscuts and Gravy
...trying to explain clinical depression to my dad........... he's not going to "get it"
my two trips to Sonic for the best drink ever.

When I got back, I got "laid off" from my babysitting job. The dad got switched to PT and now, for now I am not needed. I really enjoyed sleeping in this morning,lol.

I tested for the 911 dispatcher job. It was a 2 hour, very long test. I think I did OK overall, but there was one part that I really sucked at. I sure hope they don't fire me already. I would really enjoy that job.

Anyway, back to a full 5 day work/school week. Reality.

exciting news!

Joel's football team won the region championship. This has not occured in over 50 years, so our whole town is excited. The kids get championship rings, and someone is taking the whole team to disneyland,lol. A lot of whoopala over sports, I think, but neat for Joel.
I am exhausted, the game was in a city 3 hrs each way from me. I am pooped, just pooped I tell ya.

Tomorrow my sister and I are going to the Phoenix Zoo to look at the new visiting stingray exhibit. I am looking forward to seeing that, and my new little nephew on his first trip to the zoo.

not much going on here..............

I went to Joel's second to last football game friday. It was in Yuma, which is 3 hrs from where we live. That makes for a long, tiring day, but I really don't want to miss a minute of this.

Good movies on Lifetime today- wish I wasn't still tired from friday,lol. Every time I lie down to watch I doze off,lol.

Josh is playing in a paintball tourney today, waiting on the call to go pick my smelly boy up.

getting laundry done, dishes, more decluttering, setting myself up to scrap tonight...........

Having pizza for dinner, we have been missing our pizza fridays a lot because of football. Everyone is going to be home tonight for pizza, and maybe a movie.

Peace out...........

Joel

Joel taught advanced diving to ONE student this summer,lol. Anyway, it was his favorite class to teach this year- here were some of the photos.
 

I love guiding light

I decided to blog about my fave ( well, it is the only one I watch) soap- The Guiding Light. Of course it is silly to watch these shows. But........ but......... but.......... I love it. I have been watching since I was 12 or 13. The Guiding Light is the longest running show of all time. It started on the radio, and has been on TV since the beginning of time ( ok, since the beginning of TV). My mom watched it w/ her mom, and then, I started watching w/ my mom. When my boys were small, I did not watch it, prolly for 5 years or so, but other than that I really try not to miss it, and now tape it if I am going to.
Some of the story lines are downright stupid, or actually even aggravating. I have cried at weddings, funerals, trials/sentencings and all, as if they were my real friends.
Some of my favorite charachters-
1. Phillip Spaulding ( grant alkesander) best all time - can not be replaced. I had a huge crush on him as a teen.
2. Reva Shayne Lewis- don't like what she is up to right now, but she's the best
3. Johnathan Randall- aka- the man I would leave my DH for. He is the hottest thing ever. 5 minutes.......... just please, let me have 5 minutes,lol.
4. Gus Ituro(sp) another hottie, if johnathan won't have me, well, I could settle for gus. Stay off the pills though buddy.
5.Josh Lewis- another great looking guy. I don't like his SL right now either, but usually love him.
I miss:
Maureen Bauer
Phillip
Nola/Quint
Jenna
and Phillip....... did I mention I miss him and think he is the best??

IRL- My exfreakingidiotbleepbleepbleep husband is an idiot. OK, carry on..........................

alrightythen

There is a conspiracy going on. I am not sure how many are involved. There is a conspiracy against me getting 8 hrs of sleep. During the past week, each one of the members of my family, and even my pets have gotten together to make sure, that night after stinkin night- I don't get to sleep.
These cult like tactics have made me sooo crabby! I told the whole lot of them, that if I do not get a goodnights sleep tonight- I am going to a hotel!!
Not much new here- I am too tired to do anything exciting, or even keep up w/ stuff,lol
Lisa

the favorite things about my boys

Joel:
likes himself and cares about what happens to him
makes friends easily and is a good friend
is loyal to me and to his brother
is good to animals
takes care of his own business, at school/work, etc.
likes people, has a genuine interest in them and what they have to say
stands up for what he believes in, even if it is not popular
is a huge part of his team, even though he is not the superstar. He always works the hardest. He is always happy for others when they do well.
is able to be honest about himself

Josh:
is fun, and funny and reminds me to relax
loves animals
is loyal to me and to his brother
makes friends easily and is a good friend
is very very helpful
is very hardworking
is an awesome cook, and likes to try making and eating new things
he loves pillows and comfy squishy blankets
is very easygoing
is able to be honest about himself

Sedona

Here are, as promised, some pics of my Sedona trip. This church is so beautiful, it is built into the red rocks of Sedona. We had lots of fun that weekend, shopping and eating, and best of all- resting. We had a great time in the hot tub, Josh worked out in the weight room at the hotel, too.

One funny story is about the "Blah Blah Guy". As we were walking around in uptown Sedona, we saw a guy who was sitting on a bench, playing a guitar. As we got closer, we could hear him. He was singing "blah blah blah........ blah blah deblah" As we walked away Joel said " I guess he doesn't have a lot to say" LOL.

Joel, who loves loves loves his cell phone was constantly checking his reception. He would announce " I get good reception here............. not so good here" It was funny, I guess, but it kinda drove me nuts.


These are some photos of the gorgeous landscape. When you are in Sedona, you are completely surrounded by mountains, and of the red rocks. People come from all over the world to see this beauty. It was kind of fun to hear all of the different languages people were speaking uptown. Joel was only impressed that his phone still had 3 bars of reception, even in the middle of this mountain. Josh and I just rolled our eyes and laughed. Anyway, it was a hoot and we hope to go back soon! 

still trying to find the bottom of the pile...............

I am starting to work on unloading some of my book collection on half.com. I really love books, but I am overwhelmed at how many I have, so I really don't look at any of them. Make sense??
Well, starting slow here, but you can find me at half.com, username teacherlisa2. I think the boys are going to sell some video games and we will be listing a ton of vhs tapes also, so keep checking back, if you would.

Things are going ok, I have made some decisions and I always feel better after I have made them, rather than being indecicive and having things up in the air.

The weather is cooling off, so I am enjoying some gardening time, and I have started walking. I am waay out of shape and a big huge wuss, but it is a start.

This picture is of Joel, my oldest, when he played football for the first time. He was a bit disappointed that it was only flag football, but, truth be told, I was pretty happy that it was.

Another new milestone happened this morning. I asked Joel to pick up something for me for the first time while he was in town. Big guy, growing up.

hanging in here

I am facing some tough decisions in my life right now, so if you have any spare good thoughts- send em my way- OK?
I am ok, I will be OK, I am just struggling a bit.
Thanks!
LIsa

almost ready.........

for our weekend trip. I have to hit WM one more time, I decided to get a couple more rolls of film and some snacks for our room. My boys are like infants and need to eat every two hours you know,lol.

As for my goals, well, most did not happen,lol so on to next week!

I saw a great idea in CK a couple of months ago, think it was ali edwards, who put together a mini album before her vacation, and took it along. I am doing that for our day trip, and kind of excited about it. I used colors of the southwest, and die cut my own book covers and pages and tabs etc., at the LSS the last time I went.The kids of course think I'm nuts to make a scrapbook before we even have the pictures, but what do they know,lol.

I am trying to get the house clean before we leave, I hate coming into a messy house.

Guess while I am motivated I should get moving- I will post some great sedona landscape pics when I get back!

looser blogger that I am

I seem to go in spurts, updating every day, but then disappering,lol.
I did complete all of my goals, which is funny, since I had veen feeling like a lazy butt who got nothing done.

My kids won their football games this week, pretty cool there.

We are planning a trip to Sedona next weekend. We have been needing a little time away, but with everyones' schedules, it has been impossible. I just told everyone we were going- make it work! I got us a really nice room, because we are going to be spending a bit of time at the hotel. Usually if we go anywhere, I get the cheapest room,cuz why pay all that money just to sleep. This time we are going to enjoy the room and ammeneties and just lie low, relax, or chillax as the boys would say. We are going to go on one hike ( ok slow walk,lol), visit Talaquapaqe ( not sure if I have spelled that correctly), which is a shopping center made to look like an old mexican building. They have lots of boutiques, fancy shops, more really for window shopping, but I love to look at work by local artists, and there are some really pretty places there I want to get pics of. Sunday morning we are going to head into downtown Sedona, which is lined with more shops and places to eat. We are mostly window shopping but Joel and I have some birthday money to spend,lol. I am hoping to get some nice landscape photos, too, the red rocks are gorgeous.

setting some goals for this week:

1.get to sams club and buy sheet protectors/get LO's in albums.

2. finish altering my planner, go to lakeshore for the laminating I need.

3.get that bookshelf organized and dusted.

4. get to work on the front planter instead of just writing it on my to do list,lol.

goals for next week-

I need to get my potting area back in shape,after our last storm, and before our fall planting season starts next month.

I need to get some straw under my pumpkins.

I need to get my videos/dvds organized- they are really bothering me.

I have a basket of magazines I need to go through- and then, hit the used bookstore and goodwill w/ what I don't need.

I need to get my trunk organized- I have two football games this week and it is a PIT!

I started reorganizing my scraproom, but did not finish, gotta do that.

Pain

These are my thoughts on pain........

Pain is invisible . No one can see it. You can't "know" that the person in front of you in line, struggling w/ her purse, cards, pen- whatever, isn't experiencing intense pain with each movement. Give her a break.

Chronic pain can be depressing. I hurt somewhere every minute of every day. I am not complaining, I can still walk. Most days, everything works and I can get through. Most days, everything does not hurt, just something. But just knowing, that each and every day, something is going to hurt, and you really can't predict what is going to hurt, and plan ahead, can be depressing.

With that said, I handle myself, and my pain pretty well. I look on the bright side, do what I can, and try my best not to get upset at the things I can't do. I am getting better on allowing people to help me when I need it.

There are a couple of kinds of pain that I usually do not have, headaches and backaches. ( I know, Kristie, I thought of you when I started writing this,lol) If I have either of these, I crumble to pieces. I deal w/ worse pain, in my joints all the time. But a headache is just so- right there. You can't use a different joint, you can't adjust, the headache is there- all up front and in your face. It is a constant annoyance. And your back, well, it is holding you up,lol.

This morning I have a headache. I know what it is from, and I am embarrassed to confess it is from not drinking enough water. DUH! So I am working on it this morning, hopefully it will be gone soon. It is all in my face, if I had to be nice to people it might be difficult. I actually can see this headache in my eyes, so maybe not all pain is invisible.

Today is my run like a chicken w/ my head cut off day. Tonight is football.
Hope you have a great day!

Yesterday...........

all my troubles seemed so far away.............................
Just kidding, well sort of. Yesterday, I took off and had a great and fun day. Went and cropped at the LSS, got some work done for some pages I am doing for someone- whew almost done there! Found some stamps I "had" to have as well as quote unquote 4. I love that series, and use them all the time now, that I am scrapping mostly teen picures, and well, they don't talk so I can't quote them.

Today, it is a snap back into reality. All of the stuff I do during the day- did not happen yesterday.IF anyone wonders what I do, well just look around today,lol.

So, today, I am going to get the house in shape, get some laundry done and hopefully get some time to scrap. I feel good, so hopefully that feeling lasts until it all gets done!

boo hoo

School has been in session for exactly 5 days and I miss my kids already,lol. I have not, like I said in my last post, had any time to be bored, but I miss them.

I am babysitting in the morning before they go to school, so I don't see them off to school, my dh does. They come home from football tired and ready for bed. I am looking forward to this weekend, maybe I can catch up w/ them then.

I am going to my LSS tomorrow, I need some paper to finish up a job I have been working on, and then I am going to grab bagels from einstien bros ( yum if you have never had them) before coming home.

Good news, Savers is coming to my town! Savers is just about the best thrift store ever. Once a week they have dollar days, and so it just gets better! I am really looking forward to them coming, I try to visit their stores in PHX when I go.

We had a crazy storm last night, lost a tree and a window ( insert sad face here). It was pretty scary, lots of wind, hail, flooding. Joel and Josh were in one car, in town, and chris was in another. They were not able to make it and for awhile I did not have contact w/ them. It was scary!In the end, we replaced the window, everyone got home fine and the tree was cut up, and put in our burn pit. Could have been lots worse.

Thanks for reading!

speaking of football..............

I did this LO the other day, as many of you know, I am out of photos of my kids,lol.
I am doing a Book Of Me, and right now, this little cooler is a big part of my life. It gets carried more than my purse. It holds everything necessary for me to enjoy a football, baseball or paintball game. I even take it with me when I pick up the kids from school. They are thirsty and starving RIGHT NOW, and don't want to wait the 25 minutes until we get home. Sometimes they are on the run from one place to another, and don't have time to stop.

This cooler has made me the "cool mom" cuz I always have food and water for all the friends that my kids promise rides to. It is amazing what effect cold water and a little debbie snack have on a teenager.

Of course it is blue, my favorite color, and one of the kids' school colors. Of course my camera fits in the outside pocket. And, of course I had to buy different reusable ice products until I got just the perfect ones. Chris thinks I am sick, between the quest for the perfect cup, the perfect cooler and the perfect ice. Naaah, I just want what makes me comfortable. 

am I ready for some football?

not really,lol. It is still 105 outside at 5:15 and I have to leave soon for our first scrimmage game. I do look forward to it, because despite my last post, most of my social life revolves around my kids' sports.

We are expected to have a good season, which would be great since it is Joel's senior year. I blogged a bit about this last year, but our school has had loosing seasons for the last 40 something years, and that prompted a coach change ( ya think??) and a change to another region( meaning we play some different schools).

I do look forward to the photo opportunities as well,lol.

I am still waiting for a peaceful day, or a day where I get bored. Everyone keeps telling me that they are coming, w/ both kids gone all day.

I have had some time to scrap, and my decluttering mission is coming along, so maybe that is what is taking up my time. Now that Joel is driving I am not spending 4 hrs in the car anymore,lol.

The friend thing w/ Josh has sort of worked itself out, he is very busy w/ football, and thus other football players become your friends.Not saying that football players don't make mistakes, they are teenage boys, of course, but they have their head on the game, passing school etc.
That will take care of first semester,lol- we are going to have to take this a day at a time, especially since I have NO idea what I am doing here.

Well, hopping off of the computer is in order- I have a football shindig to get ready for.

my fun night

So, last night, I was feeling lonely, and so very sorry for myself. I had wanted my kids to go to the zoo with me, and they bailed. I decided to go ahead and go alone. I headed out, and found that the road out of town was flooded out. I took the detour( 50 extra miles, ugh) and then, was on my way.
I got there a bit later than I had wanted to, but the animal talks that I did get to see were totally worth it. I learned all sorts of things about the animals that I did not know before.

After the zoo closes, I decide to go to karaoke. I love love love karaoke. I pick up a New Times magazine, choose a place and go there. ( New times is an alternative type paper. They make fun of the Arizona Republic, Sherriff Joe, and they love trash and scandals. However, they have the best listing of what is going on)

I get to the front door, and it looks scary. I hesitate to go in. I mean, I can always go home, go to my regular place, anything, but going into a scary looking place alone. I decide to go in. It was weird in there, but not scary. I order my usual ( diet coke in a small pitcher) and look for a karaoke book. I notice a few same sex couples, and start looking around just to make sure that there are some heterosexual people there- that I did not miss the memo,lol. Ok- whew there were.

The gal sitting next to me asks " Are you here w/ someone?" My stomach sank. I have no idea how to handle that situation. I do not want to offend, and I am so scared to say the wrong thing. God must have helped me out cuz I said that my dh was at home.

My impression was wrong, she was there alone also and just wanted someone to talk to. She was absolutely interested in all the guys in the place,lol. She turned out to be someone I have a lot in common with. She is also in education. She works on the reservation near my hometown. She is a great singer and enjoys karaoke as much as I do. We had a great time.

The place was full of interesting and fun people- I really enjoyed it. It was not really smoky, everyone was nice. I think I will head back there next weekend.

time to update

although, I am stumped on as to what,lol.

It is hot here- still making me feel like I am a sloth this year. I am still babysitting in the morning, which I'm sure does not help, but I really need to get over this unmotivated slothy fatigue I am having.

Joel had a ball at football camp.ha ha I made a funny. Anyway, it is his last year, so it was important for him to enjoy it.

Josh has been working hard at both jobs, and at getting a place on this semi pro paintball team.That means I have been working hard driving him everywhere,lol.

We are still working on the little trailer that Chris got as payment for an a/c job- it had been used as storage, and we are finding some treasures in there, and some garbage too,lol.I am actually excited about that project- maybe more can get accomplished as the weather cools.

My pumpkins sure enjoyed the rain- I can't wait for them to decorate my front porch this fall.

Maybe that is what I should do, start thinking of some fall crafts- that will help w/ my heat exhaustion,lol.Can't be hot while thinking of fall........

we had a great time!

Up north. It was much cooler than home, only about 90 ( I know that still freaks some of you out,lol). We went into Flagstaff on Saturday, had lunch at my favorite place there- Bun Huggers, went to a home brewery supply place and bought a make your own soda kit. We are going to have some fun w/ that this weekend.

I did not go to the LSS there, even though I love it, because I was the only scrapper in the group. We did go to Bookmans ( my favorite used bookstore). I got a Guiding Light Family Album, which is a very cool thing. I will be able to fill in some blanks I have in the storylines.

Joel has been at Football Camp, he enjoyed it on his third and last year. He again went to the trout farm where you can catch fish with your bare hands. It is the highlight of his trip each year,lol. Now that he is back they are trying to cram a 30 hr week into 3 days for him since they are really short lifeguards at the pool.

Josh has been busy working, and "hanging out". He enjoys "hanging out" more than anyone I know. He actually calls it "chillax" or chillaxing. whatever.

I have been picking up school supplies, that time is just around the corner.

I have been struggling with fatigue and motivation lately. That did not used to be a problem for me, but lately I feel like just laying around watching tv. While I lay there I feel guilty. I think I need to get organized and get a few new projects going. It is sooooo hot here, I think that might be part of the problem.

speaking of motivation- off to get something done!

YIPEE!!

I am going to head up north to my parents cabin this weekend!!! I am going to have to take my car ( I hate to drive, hate hate hate it) because Josh has to work later than my parents will want to leave, but it will be worth it!
I plan to take a ton of pictures because this is probably the last time I will be there before the rennovations begin.
There is a cool LSS in Flagstaff, I am going to try to visit, if I can swing that. I am going to take Josh to a cool resturant- Bun Huggers, and to a place that sells home brewery equipment. They have a kit that lets you make your own soda so I am going to pick that up while I am there. I had meant to get it for him for Christmas but ran out of time to get it.We will prolly also go to Bookmans ( used book/videogame/cd store) and a couple of other stores we like to hit- it is a college town, so lots of very hip places to go.
I am struggling w/ a choice I need to make right now. Josh has some friends who I believe are bad for him. I have always had the personal belief before that people need to learn how to make good choices regardless of the company that they keep. Sheltering, whatever you want to call it, is a disservice, because one day - boom you are in the real world and it is uncensored.
I had friends of all types, ones that made good choices, some that made bad choices. Despite them, I made mostly good choices for myself.
I am struggling because I can also see another side to this. Protecting Josh from himself, at this point- if he is not going to do it. But, that goes against what I have always believed. But what good are my beliefs if Josh, while in the company of this group makes some life altering decision. tough, this parenting of teens is- tough tough tough!

scrapping sunday

I am scrapping my little heart out here in Maricopa,lol. I have a scrapping buddy who is quick on my heels w/ our challenges.

I am working on Chris' road to recovery album, from his heart surgery. It is a simple album, so it is going pretty quickly. I am not making a lot of the challenges though, because I am not using specific products.

I am cropping tomorrow irl with my friend vivian. It might be the last time we crop together ( sniff sniff) as she is headed back to her favorite state.

Think I am going to keep this entry short so I can get back to scrapping!

one of my top 5 worst days evah..............

Which I am not going to dwell on,lol. I am tired, crabby, overwhelmed and the whole 9 yards.

I am going to post about one of the most amazing acts of honesty and kindness that helped salvage the day.

I was at Super Walmart and drop dead tired. I was thinking about a problem I am having and how I should best handle said problem.

I loaded my groceries in the car and decided that I was going to head to panda express since I more than deserved a treat.

I get to panda express ( same parking lot as WM) and lo and behold I can not find my purse. I realize I left it on top of my car. DARN IT!

SO, I head back to my parking spot, after all, it had only been a minute. I searched and searched. No luck. I was devestated. I had a large amount of cash in it, plus all the stuff we carry in our purses that we do not want to lose. My ID had been stolen like 6 weeks ago and I was not looking forward to that whole thing again. Man, what a dummy I am.

I searched every sq. in of that parking lot and decide to go check at customer service. I am sure no one has turned it in, but I have to check,right?

Well, someone did turn it in. Everything is there. Every penny. Every card, every everything. I am so blessed. Good thing, since I can't be smart,lol.

I must be very boring.

Looks like I need to get involved in a love triangle or some other controversy to get readers/commenters.

LOL- ain't gonna happen here, I sorta like the boring life I have put together for myself. The less drama and controversy the better.

Todays mission, one that would bore most of you to tears, is to put two of my favorite cookbooks into sheet protectors and into a binder. They are falling apart and I am scared to loose any of the pages.

The cookbooks are "Make a Mix" and "More Make a Mix". They have wonderful recipes that help cut down time in the kitchen. Some of the mixes are similar to mixes you would buy in the store ( like a muffin mix or pancake mix) and some are just timesavers for main dishes and such. I like the time savings, the money savings and the " preservative" savings, since I know what I am putting in there. I am getting motivated to start using these books now!

This week I am looking forward to making some appointments and cropping w/ a friend.

It is hotter than heck here, so I am outside as little as possible, although we are enjoying the pool.

Have a great, non controversial day!

sweet!

Josh has been sponsored! He has been working hard for this, and it has paid off. The hard work will continue, and it is not a free ride but it does help. ( This is for paintball, lol sorry to leave that detail out)
He is still working at the pool, and is successful! He has been asked to train someone else and feels an awesome sense of pride.
Joel is doing well too, and has not caused any car accidents that I am aware of,lol.
I have next week off from babysitting, I think I am going to get to work on some pages for hire that I have going on. The guys are asking when we can get to the zoo again, so we can see the other things we missed.
It is hot here- 115 and they are saying no one should go outside. I am listening,lol. My kids work outside though so they are experts on how much water a person should drink.( I taught them well,lol)
I know I am behind the times, but I got a coluzzle today, so I could cut expert circles. I love it! Finally something I can use that works-woo hoo!
Tomorrow I am going to cut circles and get a haircut!

a day at the zoo!

We went to the zoo on Friday. We left the house really early so we would not get so hot, and to take advantage of the animals first waking up. So many animals that I had never seen doing anything but laying around, were moving and just being so entertaining.
The first picture is of the llama that Josh (in the black shirt) and his friend Chris ( green shirt- duh) befriended. They gathered leaves from outside the pen and passed them through. When there were no more leaves- the llama sort of grunted and then spit, yes SPIT all over Josh. EWWWW. That is why they are laughing though, boys are gross.
This next picture is of a new exibit where you are right in the enclosure with the monkeys. It was awesome, and I can't wait to get back to see more of their antics. We had a good breakfast ( josh had nachos,I had a hot dog,lol) and a good lunch there too, before we had to head home. 

summer and the livin is easy.................

so far,lol. I have spent almost no time in the car the last week and I have not been to town once,lol. Having a teenager w/ a drivers license is like that. I am starting to worry less than I was orignally, so that is good. He is going to drive to the city today so I am a bit nervous about that.

Josh is doing well, he likes his job at the pool.

Josh's friend tried to get him to quit but Josh stood his ground- something else to be proud of.

I am growing pumpkins and they now have their first flowers. This is pretty cool, hopefully we get lots of fun pumpkins to carve. Our tomatoes are doing great as well, they are so yummy!

It is getting hot here already, 110 this weekend. Our above ground pool is up so I might be able to start enjoying it. I am a HUGE baby about cold water( anything less than 80) and the temps are still dropping at night and the water doesn't have a chance to heat up.

Chris got his cpap machine, we are both sleeping a lot better. He wakes up bright and early now,lol- not sure that is a good thing but so glad he is not going to stop breathing or put stress on his heart with untreated apnea.

WOO HOO!

20 lbs of bazzill. That is just what got dropped off at my house! I have been saving some of the cash I have been earning providing childcare and made a big purchase from createforless. They really had awesome customer service, I liked how the site is set up. I also picked up the foam stamps of rebecca sowers handwriting- too cool!
I am on another organizing frenzy in my scrap area. I am hoping someone has iris carts on sale this week- I need two more and am almost ready to break down and buy them at full price. I don't think I could actually do that, but I am getting tempted,lol.
School is almost out here, next Tuesday. I am sure looking forward to it!
The kids seem to like working at the pool. Josh is feeling a little overwhelmed because he is also working at the paintball course and still has school going on. I think he will be fine after school lets out.
I am going to go file some bazzill. ( Insert smilie face)

what a cutie!

This is what Joel looked like 15 years ago on my second Mothers Day. That is a pudding cup and goodness knows if he got any to eat,lol.
Today, we went to brunch at L&B's, a not so local place, that has a nice Sunday Brunch. Both boys have to work today, Joel at the pool and Josh at the paintball field.
Tonight for dinner I think we are going to grill and play tripoly.
Now, I profess it is time for a nap! 

What is in...............

my fridge right now-

water
diet pepsi
sweet tea
gatorade
( we get thirsty here in az,lol)
5 dozen eggs from my chickens
can of biscuts
butter
ketchup
mustard
mayo
lunchmeat
leftovers
shredded and block cheese and american too,lol- we also love cheese here

my purse-
I don't technically carry a purse, I carry a franklin covey planner, but inside is:
checkbook, debit cards, cash
grocery store game cards
scrapbook store cards
menu planner
day to day planning sheets
coupons
phone numbers/addresses

my car-
man, this is where I "live" almost so-
4 stadium seats
4 folding chairs
ice chest
tylenol, ibuprophen
one dose each of everyone in the family's medication
air freshener
sonic drink straw wrappers
change in a film container

my eventful morning

I have started providing childcare for a neighborhood family, in the mornings from 5-7 am. This morning, the bus was late, to pick up the oldest, which made me late ( one of the things I hate the most) and Joel almost late. Whew, everyone made it on time, thanks to help from Chris, my dh.

Then, I let Joel drive to school this morning, and we have this little deal. He needs to call me when he gets to his destination, so I can stop worrying. He does it, but doesn't really like it. Today, someone met him at his car, and he ended up forgetting to call me. I text messaged him, to ask if he made it. He did not respond, and 10 mins later, while freaking out, I call the high school campus.

I get a recording. I call back, and am trying another extention, when another call comes on. I answer, and it is Officer so and so from the such and such Police Dept. I turned pale ( according to DH) and almost fainted.

He starts talking about my identity theft case and I start laughing out loud. He thinks I am a weirdo, I am sure, but I could not help it. I explained it to him, and he laughed too.
While we were OTP, Joel text'ed me back and said he is fine, and sorry for worrying me.

My identity theft case is going ok. I have recieved all my money back from the bank, they are investigating and my local PD has transferred the case to the county sherriff since all the purchases were made online and out of the city.

Just got a call from Joel, he remembered this afternoon,lol.

untitled

Joels IVP procedure found nothing abnormal. He still has to complete the other tests, but that would show minor issues, if anything. So a big WHEW there!

I started babysitting in the mornings, and it is an adjustment for the whole big family! I have to wake up at the ungodly hour of 4:30 and everyone is used to being able to count on me here. We are going to need to have a family meeting and quick!

My debit card number was stolen, and it has really messed up my life,lol. The bank is doing the investigation, and I should know something soon. The police are really helpful, they say this is a "very prosecutable" crime. Geez, I hope so, it has been really a mess.

Joel is going to be a lifeguard this summer, and Josh was hired to be a cashier. He is having second thoughts, and I just am trying to encourage him to give it a try. I am getting discouaraged!

Well, gotta run!

as the world turns

joel had a follow up visit tuesday, and here is what is next for him:
1) has to keep a food diary for 5 days- everything he ingests.
2) has to collect urine for a 24 hr period
3) has to have a IVP, a procedure that is a bit of a hassle,lol.
this weekend joel has to not eat any solid food, take laxatives. Then, monday he is going to be injected w/ a dye that will allow them to see the function of the kidneys.
Here's to hoping it is all just a big hassle and they don't find anything scary.

I have blogged about a friend that I have that can be frustrating at times. I love her still though, and the last time I was really frustrated, I decided that that is what was important, that she and I are friends, and over look our differences in parenting.
Let me back up a bit. About 4 years ago, she stopped taking my calls. She had her kids hang up on me, gave me lots of excuses about why she couldn't come to the phone, etc. I never had any idea what happened, and we had been friends for about 4 years, and I was heartbroken. I never mean to hurt anyones feelings, and if I find out that I have I apologize and try never to do it again. I felt I must have offended her, but could not for the life of me figure out why she would just stop talking to me.
Two years later, I got a letter from her. She said that she was so sorry she cut me out of her life, but that I was no fun. She was getting "bored" and all I wanted to do was stuff w/ the kids. She apologized. I went right to her house and told her it was fine and never brought it up again. We picked up right were we left off.
I was really hurt, and I never really told her that. I did not see a lot of good in going on and on about it after the fact. She apologized, I wanted to be her friend again, time to move on.
Now here we are 2 years later. She has done it again. I should not be surprised. I mean, our friendship did not mean crap to her before, why would I think it did now? Again, I have no idea if it is because I am too boring for her, if I offended her or what. This time however, I decided that it really is OK. I am not going to be heartbroken. She's nuts. She drives me crazy. I don't need that in my life anyway.
If, and that is a big IF, she does contact me in the future, it really won't matter. Like I said, she has never held our friendship in the same regard as I do apperantly. I could never trust her again. I don't need the constant take take take of our relationship anyway.
I am sad, like w/ a divorce, for the relationship that you dream of having, instead of the one that you have. I am sad that I am looking around and not seeing other friends,lol. I need to get out and make some.
Thanks for reading this big ol long thing,lol.

whats new

wellllllllllllll, lets see.
Tuesday, Joel called me from school and said I should pick him up, he is sick. He has had perfect attendance for the past 3 years, and never, I mean, never likes to miss school.
I picked him up and took him to the doc.
The doc felt he has a viral infection, blah blah blah, wait it out, get better in three days, drink water.
He went to school weds, did fine, played baseball- whole 9 yards.
Thursday at 230 am, he wakes me up, pain is horrible, he needs to go to the ER. Wow- I have never had to take joel,lol.
So, off we go. He is sleeping in the waiting room. We meet w/ the triage nurse and, I know he is in extreme pain, he is agitated and unable to concentate. He insisted to her that he has chest pains. She asked to point to where it hurts, and he pointed at his belly. She felt it was is appendix.
He gives a urine sample, and a blood sample.The urine had blood in it, and the blood test came back normal. After about an hr, we are back in a room.
They give him an IV, get him comfy, and we wait. We were now at about the end of a shift
( thank GOD!) and so we had to wait for new people.
The new doc and nurse were much improved,lol. Joel had an xray and eventually a cat scan.
They felt he had a kidney infection and another condition that looks like the appendix but is really swollen lymph nodes, and is equally painful, but benign.
We go home, and Joel, who heard no restrictions, heads back to school.
The next day, Joel's pediatrician calls, to say that the urine culture does not show infection, so there is something else going on.Could be that he passed a kidney stone, could be a kidney not functioning properly, who knows, at this point. We see Joels doc on Tuesday, for another urine test, and new plan of action.
Josh has been a busy guy, working at the paintball course. Lots of hours this week. He is also hoping for a summer job at the pool, so he can say " I have two jobs"- he thinks he is hilarious when he says that,lol.
This weekend is a fun, but busy one too.
Joel has a recertification class for lifeguarding, and Josh is going to work both days. I am going to try to squeeze some scrapping in, but this house is a wreck! I got behind while Joel was sick and I was tired from being at ER.
We are going to do something different this year, for easter, out of necessity. With Josh being gone all day, we are going to have our easter egg in the dark, with flashlights. The guys are looking forward to that!

thankful for

-Sonic drinks

-scrapbooking, and time to enjoy it

-the memories I have made so far

-my kids

-my kids' friends, and their familes, who treat my kids so well when they are there. I am so thankful for that help.

-my parents- they are still there for me, all the time, no matter what

-my health. I know, there is a lot of pain in my joints, and my meds have side effects. But all 4 of us lived through today, and prolly will tomorrow. There have been so many posts on a message board I frequent, with serious life threatening problems. I have been there, with my DH, but for today, I will be thankful for my health.

-for my oldests ds's sense of responsibility and loyalty. No one could ask for a better friend. He makes sure all of his teamates have rides home, do not need to use the phone, or need anything to eat. He makes sure everyone has equipment and uniforms. He often is too busy caring for others to care for himself.( who is that like,lol)

-for my youngest ds- that he makes sure we all have a laugh at least once a day.He does not let us forget to live our life, instead of planning the day away.

I am now, finally, getting off of the pot.

I decided today, to use the effort that I have been using to attempt to get along w/ my ex, and solve our issues w/o involving attorneys and courts, and use it to find a good attorney and take care of business.
I did not want to have money interfere with my kids relationship w/ their dad. At this time, there is no relationship, so I might as well have some money,lol.
I decided that instead of wasting time trying to talk to him, I would use that time to get my reciepts and notes in order and go to court.
I will win, I am right. It does not make it any less sad, and any more what I want. It is, however, what it is.
Joel is driving now, and every time he drives, I get so sick to my stomach with worry. I am doing a little better now, I know it takes 20 minutes to get home from town, so I only worry after 20 minutes,lol. Last night he was home before I could start really worrying, so hopefully I am on the right path.
So here I am, no kids to take anywhere, no where I have to rush off to,and I have NO clue what to do w/ myself.I better get a life.

owie

I am a native arizonan. I have heard all my life about sunburns, sun damage and skin cancer. I am a freak when it comes to my kids wearing sunscreen.
Yesterday, however, I spent 5 hrs in the sun, w/o sunscreen and have a really bad sunburn. I have a fever and I feel so sick from it.
The good news is my son's baseball team won both of those baseball games. YEAH!

q is for

quack- a happy sound I hear each day.They great me in the morning, when I come and go from the house. I know they think they need to be fed, and that is why they are quacking, but I pretend that they like me,lol.
qvc- I love to watch the kitchen and craft shows.
I suck at q even worse than P,lol.

Joel got his drivers license Thursday. Wow. I have some stuff journaled about my feelings about him walking out of the door at MVD and getting in the car w/ a stranger, and him behind the wheel. It really freaked me out. He did well (98 out of 100). I haven't let him drive anywhere else alone yet,lol. I am going to have to get over this.

Josh is working tomorrow, and has started a little business building custom paintball gun stands. I am going to have to post a picture, he is a pretty smart guy.

P is for

2peas- still like it there. not as homey as LM, but the boards move fast.
peas. I like them.
pillows- two under my head and one in between my knees.
python- we have a ball python

man, this alpha stuff is hard work,lol.