switching from normal to abnormal

not sure if my friends would agree that I used to be normal, but for sure, now I am not. I have started working 6pm to 6 am. That is just not normal.I have so many sleep issues, and trying to sleep during the day is one of them. Eventually I will just drop dead from exaustion I think.

I do enjoy working at night, it is a whole different ball game than during the day.All the young gals work at night. ( except me of course,lol- they were making fun of me!)My friend Kristie told everyone that I was born in 1940. Thanks girl.....

Someone I know asked me the other day what do I really want out of life. I am at a crossroads in my life- free to chose whatever it is that I want.Had I been asked that question in January, I would have had a totally different answer than I do now that it is May.

I have to say that I believe that happiness is internal, not external. So I can't look for someone or something to make me happy. I just have to be. That is not to say that I need to put negative things in my life, as a challenge,lol.

I also believe there is more than one path to that happiness. I could teach, and be happy. I could be a dispatcher, and be happy. I could be happy in AZ. I could be happy somewhere else. I could stay single and be happy. I could get married again and be happy.

When I say that my answer is different now than it was in January, I had decided after two marriages, and a miserable dating situation, that I was just going to raise my sons, learn my new job and live my life. It was obvious to me that I was not going to find someone right for me, and it was time to just be happy on my own. Then, in February, there I was minding my own business and wham-o.

Now I do want to be w/ someone again. I want to take care of someone and have someone take care of me. I want to love and be loved. I want to make him the happiest man on the planet and I want to be the happiest woman. I want to wake up and see him next to me. I will quit before I gross all of you guys out,lol.

I will close w/ a story of a woman who taught me so much, and I was supposed to be her child's teacher. She had 4 boys, all under the age of 6. Her man was a big looser, and left her w/ the kids and took off w/ someone else. She was living in govt housing, on welfare, food stamps etc. Her apartment was tiny- you could barely walk in there. At the time, I had 3 bathrooms in my house, and could not imagine 5 people trying to share one. She did not have a car. Her dinner table wobbled and none of her chairs matched. One time I was there and the light above her table had burned out and she mentioned waiting until the beginning of the month to get another light bulb.

She was the happiest person that I had ever met. She loved each one of her boys with all of her heart. She worked hard to raise them individually, not just in survival mode, if you know what I mean. Her apt was clean, she took a lot of pride in it, and always made a snack or some coffee or something when I did my home visits. She always had a special story about something cute one of the boys did. I never once heard her complain about her situation,her ex husband, or any of the choices that she made that lead her to that situation. I will never forget her, and as I have had challenges in my life, I always am reminded of her, and how she was honestly happy and at peace. Her joy came from raising her children.

Night,
Lisa