time for a break

from work that is. I have a lot of studying to do for work- lots of codes/abbreviations to learn. My brain feels all mushy so I am taking a break.

My kids are also on Spring Break this week, and I am off until Thursday, so we will be taking a break together.

I have a cold- which sux,lol. I hardly ever get sick, but alas, it happened.

So many exciting things happening in my life right now. The gal who is training me at work is happy w/ my progress, even if I am feeling frustrated. Joel is headed to ASU Frosh orientation this week. I guess that is happening to Joel, but it is happening to me too. He's got one foot out the door already,lol.

I am feeling mostly settled here in my new place. I started hanging things on the wall, organizing stuff and continuing to decide what to get rid of.

I have started going out more. I love karaoke,lol- kinda hokey huh? I have been trying to go at least once a week.

I have lost 15 lbs since Jan- pretty happy about that. Yeah, I'm trying,lol. People ask, are you trying?? Well duh- how else do they think it's happening? No Aladin's lamp here w/ a genie asking me for any wishes.

And the craziest freaking thing happened to me about a month ago. A girlfriend of mine, and her cousin were begging me to go out w/ them. We usually like different things ( they dance, I don't, and I don't listen to the type of music they listen to, and they usually head out of town to go out) but this time, they wanted to go somewhere in town. I almost cancelled at the last minute, but I had cancelled lunch w/ her two days before. I was tired, feeling down, but I drug myself out. I was having a good time. There weren't very many people there, so I got a lot of turns to sing. There was this goofy guy hitting on my friend, she was talking to him. He was at the table w/ two other guys. I was uneasy cuz I know how this goes, ya know? 3 guys, 3 girls. Only this girl isn't interested.

I got up to go to the restroom and when I came back out, one of the guys from that table was standing in the lobby waiting to talk to me. " Oh man" I thought to myself. I was SO not interested. I was honestly there just to sing. I have mentioned my man troubles here- I so don't need any more. I am just gonna raise my kids, learn my new job and move on w/ my life.
We talk a little bit, and for some reason he facinates me. He is confident. I like that. He talks about himself, he asks me about me. I like that too. He's "into" me- I like that too. I don't really care about his motives at that point- I was enjoying talking w/ him, walking w/ him. It was fun, nice. I am intoxicated by his confidence.

I give him my phone number, and we say we are going to meet the next evening. He was a little- OK, a lot pushy when I was leaving to go home, I was waaaay pissed off, so I had decided to wait until tuesday to meet him for dinner. My kids had the next day off of school, so we were all going to hang together anyway.

We meet for dinner the day after that and I was so darn nervous,lol No clue why- I had no reason to be, remember I was not going to date anyone,lol. No getting involved, this was just dinner. But, who knows why- I just was.

Again, he was confident- have I mentioned how much I like that?? I did not realize how much energy I have been wasting dealing w/ insecure men. It is just plain exhausting dealing w/ them. There is nothing I can say to this guy that makes him defensive. We disagree on some fairly important issues ( at least to me) and he is confident enough about himself to discuss them w/o getting all weird. Love that.

I am learning so much about myself, well remembering things I used to know, I guess. Love that too.

Ok, well, we continue to go out, and he has to leave AZ for business. He was here on business. This sux. LOL.

I don't even hear from him for a week. I figure I won't ever hear from him again. I was a little sad, I was having a lot of fun. He was challenging to me, in a good way. Made me think. Reminded me I was a woman, not just a mom. He reminded me what I would be looking for in a man, if I was looking. But- I'm not.

Ok now I'm looking. I don't want to give up on sharing my life w/ someone. I love taking care of people and darn it, the people I am taking care of now are going to move out,lol.

Out of the blue, he calls. My heart flips. Woah. It was just a chat. He is still out of state, and who knows when/if he is coming back. It was great to hear from him. He's gonna call me again sometime.

Sometime came a few hrs later,lol Maybe I'm on his mind as much as he is on mine?? We had a great talk that afternoon, talked on and on about stuff. I feel so great, starting to feel like a woman again, starting to be comfortable in my own skin again. Feeling more adequate. Maybe I have something to offer someone. Maybe if I am more careful this time, I could pick someone worth picking.

We talk almost every day that week. It feels like we are getting closer, even tho we are miles away.

All of a sudden I get a call that he's back. I'm over the moon,lol. We see eachother. I can't get enough of this guy. I feel so great when we talk, when we see eachother. The best part of it though, is the way I feel when I am not w/ him. I still feel good. I look forward to seeing him again, yes, but I also feel good about ME. And that is just awesome.

My feelings are very strong. I think his are too. We both have things on our plate though. The timing stinks. LOL.

He's leaving again in 2 weeks, and this time for a long time. It's a big bummer, but it's ok too. We talked about continuing to talk to eachother, and seeing eachother again. I'm gonna be fine. I have lots of loose ends to tie up anyway, and lots of things I need/want to do.
Well, that is the story of me, and john. We'll see where this leads.