untitled- HA HA HA

Well, as an update since it has been forever,lol. I had a good week last week, and went for an all girls weekend to my moms cabin. I really enjoyed the relaxation, and the weather. My sister and I went to a scrapbook store and worked on our books one day. We found a Sonic too, so that was a pretty good day.

I had some feelings about my mom and my sister though, which are now making me feel guilty of course,lol. They are both judgemental, and black and white type of people, even when it comes to me. That is/was tough.

I was talking about how my exhusband really frustrates me, and my mom interrupted me to ask me if I was aware how much I talk about him. That I do it all the time and that I need to not involve myself w/ him anymore. IF ONLY,lol.

I calmly explained to her that I do not discuss him AT ALL w/ my kids, or my DH because that would be hurtful to them. I do not have a lot of IRL friends, and usually don't like to go on about negative topics to bring everyone down. I said, that I count on being able to talk to her about it. She did say she respects me for not discussing him w/ my ds's, but then said that why don't I just stop letting the kids see him. Well, exactly who is that good for? ME- not them, and that is what I am for. To do what is best for them. I asked her if she thought I could honestly look into the eyes of my youngest son and tell him that he was not going to see his dad. I could never.
She changed the subject, but I was very emotional, and still kind of am. I feel almost like I lost my sanity. She is the one I pick up the phone to call when he is driving me crazy. Now I don't feel like I have a soul to talk this stuff through with. That is very lonely. My sisters comment was "well, that is why people should not get divorced" Yeah, that would have been a great solution too. Whatever. I am prideful and angry right now, thinking I will never call either one of them again. That won't happen, but at this very moment it seems like a wonderful plan.

And what started all my frustration in the first place is that I got a letter from Motor Vehicle saying that he has a warrant, unpaid tickets, failure to appear, using ficticious plates, and now they are not letting him OR me register any vehicles in AZ. His license is suspended and mine could be, unless I want to pay his tickets and can get him to go to court. Well, that is not going to happen,lol. I spoke w/ the court and they said that it is possible that if I take my divorce papers to motor vehicle that they might drop my name from this, but there is no guarantee about it. I guess I will find out later.

Then there is the moral and legal dilemma of visitation. He recently entered their lives after a 5 year absence. They have been enjoying having him in their life. It is still a very dysfuntional situation, but they are teenagers and I did not believe it was dangerous.
I do not have a legal obligation to send them to see him. I have full custody and any visitation I "allow" him to have is up to me. I have always however, allowed him access to this vistation, and the times he did not take them, were of his own doing. But now, he has no drivers license, and a warrant. I do not believe him to be an unsafe driver, so I can not say that. But, I do think it is a bad thing for my kids to be visiting someone w/ a warrant. I would hate for my ds's to see that, and I would hate for something to go wrong. But what if he is never picked up on this warrant. How long would I keep the kids from him? Forever? That does not seem right I don't think. I am questioning myself over and over and then I get mad at my ex for putting me in this situation where I have to think about all this, since obviously he doesn't.

If anyone out there is listening, let me know,lol.