our memorial day dinner

People say that women have the worst attitudes. Well, those are people that have not met the men in my family.These guys resent having to lift one finger even if it is to benefit themselves.
Tonight I planned a nice family bbq. All of the foods that these guys like. I asked if one of them could bring an extra chair to the table at the deck and you would have thought I asked for a million dollars. All of them had an attitude! My dh decided he needed to go to the restroom ( aka, his place to hide until all of the work has been done). So, Josh's friend who was over for dinner offered to help. Joel and Josh started fighting over who was going to make their plate first. Of course, if there is an occasion to yell, Chris can manage to come out of the restroom and do it. We all get our plates and head outside. Every one of them complained about the flies. It was lovely, I tell you, just lovely.
After dinner, I asked the boys to let me have their plates if they could put away the extra chair and scoot the table back. They were OK w/ that, but Chris was all bent out of shape about something. I get inside and I call Joel to help me. He complains that "Josh never has to help". I explained, even though at this point I am beyond sick of explaining and being nice, that they are helping w/ the outside stuff. Joel helps, and Chris is already laying on the couch. I ask him if he can come help so I do not have to do it all. He comes, but is the biggest butthead about it. We get everything done, and everyone is headed to their own things, the boys to their video games, and dh to the tv to watch sci fi. He noticed my empty ben and jerrys container in the garbage and asks what I got him. I tell him and low and behold could it be any other way?? I got the wrong kind. Of course. It is really frustrating me because I am working really hard to make wonderful family memories for my kids and it is not really working out so well I don't think. None of them realize the importance of it, and they honestly do not seem to care. Should I keep caring? Should I keep plugging away at it? It is honestly exhausting, trying to plan things, and keep everyone civil to eachother. I mean, everyone loves eachother and no one is abusive but they are not plesant memories, at least for me.
Maybe when I am less upset I can try to talk to everyone about this again.