still here

Grouchy cuz life isn't fair,lol...

Honestly, I am mostly doing well... just wondering why, at almost 43 years old... I have not gotten used to the idea that life just isn't fair.

I haven't been able to get many diet chocolate cokes from Sonic, due to my new work schedule, but I have found the frozen coffee at QT and am enjoying that.

Been eating a lot of tuna, chicken and egg salad, cuz its a gabillion degrees out there,lol.

Boys have been coming home every Fri-Mon. Guess they miss me ( or like being fed lol)

stolen- from another blog,lol

I WAS-a preschool teacher for many years, it is still part of my soul.

I AM-getting older,but feeling younger and healthier

I THINK- that this world is filled with some really selfish and thoughtless people.

I WONDER-what life has in store for me next.

I WISH-I had more money.

I SAVE-bits of "stuff" to help remember places I have been.

I ALWAYS-try my best at everything.

I CAN'T-move as quick as I used to,lol.

I BELIEVE- that a little kindness goes a long way.

I PROMISE-to try to treat myself as well as I treat other people.

I LOVE-the Phoenix Zoo.

I SCRAPBOOK-to connect the past to the future and because it is fun.

Shift change

Getting ready to switch from my beloved swing shift...back to day shift. I used to be a morning person...not so much anymore,lol. I am not thrilled w/ my days off- but its just for four months and then I will be doing a different shift.

I have been spending some time lately thinking about where I would like to live "forever" lol. My parents lived in the same house from the time I was 8 mo old until I was 22. I loved living in the same place. I have not been able to do that as an adult, and while I have liked almost everywhere I have lived, I am thinking about "whats next" at this time. I have figured a few things out so far.

One is that I want to stay in Casa Grande. I really really like it. I "know" the people at my Sonic... and at my pharmacy...etc. I just love that kind of thing.

I have also decided that the likelyhood of me getting married again is slim to none,lol. So I have decided that my idea of living on a large piece of land in the boonies is not that realistic for a 40 something old lady w/ RA,lol. I have been looking at some homes in the historic district in town, and am finding several homes that seem to "fit" me. No houses that all look the same- definately no HOA-bigger yards and cross my fingers for a block fence. With the prices of homes so low now, I can get something really nice for about less than half of what I am paying for rent. We will see how it all plays out- but I'm looking around.

I'm still feeling better all the time, had a touch of a cold this week, but the RA stuff is waaay better.

I have not scrapbooked in a really long time! I have been to the zoo 3 times recently- and with my switch to day shift this summer I will be up at the crack of dawn anyway-so I might get a few good trips in this summer too.

still here,lol

Not a lot going on here... starting to get warmer here in AZ. Getting ready to change shifts at work-I will be back on day shift. This is my least favorite shift of all- the nature of calls for service are different, and in my "old age" I have become less of a morning person.

I have also decided that the type of people that work in education are very different than the type of people who work in law enforcement- even w/ dispatch. Or, more appropriately-especially w/ dispatch. I am sure that at one time or another I annoyed another teacher-but I do not recall ever being treated in an unprofessional manner while at work. My good friend, who is a police officer who used to be a teachers' aid reminded me the other day "You're on another playground now" lol. She is right. I am not sure I will ever get used to it-but I am working on adapting, and hopefully showing others' through my example the way to behave professionally while in conflict w/ others.

Doin' Good

Some improvements in the house!

I started taking enebrel almost 2 weeks ago now...I am feeling so so so much better. I no longer feel like I have the flu. I still am having some problems in my wrists and fingers, but almost no problems in my shoulders and knees. My feet feel better also. Some side effects are scary... but not using the medicine was also getting very scary. I have not had anything serious thus far... I get a headache and become itchy... so I started giving myself the injection just before I go to bed, and take tylenol PM about 30 min before the injection. Last weeks worked out pretty good... much less itching and I was asleep so who knows if I had a headache,lol.

Money is still an issue, but since I am feeling better I am going to try to find a way to pick up a PT job, or do something to make a lil extra, and I am going to do some cuts to the non essential budget areas to try to help that out as well.

Today I stopped and grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream- my favorite flavor-Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. Its my dinner,lol.

The supervisor that was making me crazy was terminated, so that has made work a lil easier for me. Now I will probably go ahead and apply for that job when the opening becomes available.

Peace

tough time

So I am going to whine. I am feeling like doing it... and since this is my blog... even though I try not to...I am going to do it here.

I am sick. My RA is not responding well to medication, and I am most likely going to have to take something that the side effects scare me as bad as RA does. I also have a related, not often seen type of anemia that is making me feel tired all. the. time. It just really really sucks. I am going to live, and people have it so much worse...but I am sick of being sick.

I have more month than money lol... and that also just really really sucks. I work hard, and I am good at my job... I don't really care about material things...just want enough money to be able to pay my bills and support myself and help my kids the way I have committed to.

I am also getting very frustrated with people. People are very selfish, people are unkind, judgmental and some people really delight in hurting other people. How does that happen? I honestly wake up every day and try to be kind and helpful to everyone... how does someone else wake up and look for ways to hurt people? I don't get it. I am trying to not criticize things I don't understand... but I'm gonna criticize that,lol.

Today's facebook status... in no way related to my whinefest... just thought it was funny... When you start your day...remember that you have the right to remain silent...anything you say can and will be misinterpreted and used against you... haha loveit!

Blessings today include:

an awesome best friend
diet coke w/ chocolate from sonic
good kids who love their mama
good food
satelite television
netflix
an 11 day vacation from work coming up beginning Saturday!

choice

So... since I love my actual job... and I think I am paid appropriately for the work I do, and no matter what I could never find better benefits anywhere else... I have decided to attempt to focus on the things that make me happy about this job and try my best to ignore the things that dont. It will be a tall order, since I try to always do everything 100%. I have to remind myself constantly... accept the things I can not change... I am seeking peace so I need to not be worrying myself w/ things I can not change.

I am going to choose to be happy and positive again. I am going to choose carefully the things that I will allow to concern or bother me.

and...its raining here in az again... what is up w/ that?!

it's Wednesday

so...crazy coworker was terminated. I'm not happy...just relieved.

My kids are still visiting... I realized what was bugging me the most about it... I have really grown to like my alone time. So, since I love my kids, but I enjoy my alone time, I am going to put myself in time out sometimes... and just decompress...at least until they get sick of me,lol.

Started scrapping some pics of my kids' first apartment...they were home at the time and really enjoyed looking at them... they thought i was nuts when I was taking all of these random pictures.

This week, I am just going to take life easy, continue my storm clean up and enjoy the times the kids are visiting.

Long time no talk

Kids have headed back to school... my house is now quiet and all mine again...except for the goofy dogs,lol.

Struggling at work w/ a specific coworker. Can't get it out of my head... it drives me crazy...I don't like it... I wish it wasn't like this. I feel powerless. If I keep letting her be abusive to me...I loose. If I confront her/handle it... I still loose, just in a different way. Its nuts. I know, in my last post I said I believe all things work out the way they supposed to... its just hard...really really hard.
I am just going to get up in the morning and try my best... its all I can do.

It has been raining like crazy here...windier than heck... intense weather...tornado watches in AZ lol...

When I get home, there is some chocolate ice cream waiting for me... I can hardly wait!

well here we are....

on almost the last day of 2009... without much to say,lol.

My sons are still visiting... it is great...and it is not so great... I love them... but they can be really annoying...and I am equally annoying to them... I'm sure.

My job... see, I love love love my job. I never thought I would ever do anything besides teach... and I sure never thought I would love anything else. But I do. However, at this point, I am not loving where I work. I lovingly refer to it as Dysfunction Junction... but its starting to get to me. So...its a conflict. And, not being a big fan of the conflict... it sucks.

However, I have learned that what is a big deal today, will most likely be a little deal later... and probably right around the corner is a different big deal. So, I am gonna hang tough for a bit... and keep reembering the things I love. My actual job duties... my coworkers, the people I speak to frequently, my benefits and of course... that bimonthly pay check,lol.

Today... I made the yummiest chili ever, with my right hand man Josh. We also made those garlic cheesy buttery biscuts... almost heaven.

I am anxiously awaiting my zoo membership card, as is the boys and my parents. I am going to get all of us together... w/ hopefully at least my nephew along for kicks. Hopefully we can get that accomplished in the next 2 weeks or so.

Have a safe and happy new years eve and day!

awwwww....

So my adult children have been visiting a lot during this holiday season. When adult children come to visit, it is wonderful... and horrible,lol.

I am, of course, very glad they visit... sometimes they think I am a maid, which is horrible, cuz... well...I'm not. They are in and out...sometimes they leave messes and forget to close the door. They speak to eachother like soldiers or professional athletes. I am not a big fan of that language... which they do try to curtail... but it still sneaks out.

Today, as we were laying around again, watching Law and Order SVU together... Josh said "Hey Mom... I really like coming home to visit"

I almost cried...and said... I really like having you come home to visit.

It's Winter!

It is a bit chilly and rainy here in AZ. The boys and I got the tree started,lol no need to rush yanno...

Today I am not feeling well... hopefully tomorrow I feel better.

I found a camera for my cutie nephew for Christmas... I am so excited to give it to him!

I have done no other shopping whatsoever,lol. I need to figure out what to get my parents and my nephews parents...Harder than heck to shop for!

Hope all of you are having a great night and week.

Lisa

its all better now....

Well... not everything perfect of course,lol. But... all that stuff worked itself out. Such is life!

My sons came home today, going to spend several days w/ me at the house. I will advise later if it was a happy holiday or not,lol.

I am working tomorrow, and friday... will have the weekend off and celebrating Thanksgiving on Sunday. My Mom, Dad, boys, and hopefully my sister and her family will be there, in my mom's new kitchen. I am bringing the usual...rolls and apple pie.

I am going to try to get my tree up Saturday w/ the boys... I have not decorated a tree in 2 years... getting excited!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Lisa

one rough week!

Not really a whining post... just I really can't believe all this crap happened week....

First off, I went to a party and had a really awesome time, until right at the end when the cousin of the host started saying mean and vulgar stuff to me on the way out the door... I'm not really used to stuff like that happening, and I kinda take it to heart.

Then the next day... my best friend ( who I am forever posting about here, how much I am thankful for her etc...) had a birthday party.I didn't know she was having it until a few hrs before it was to happen. Then, I had the opportunity to work OT, which I took. That really hurt my friends feelings... and it damaged our relationship... making me very very sad. I tried to explain my reasons to her... but she was not havin it,lol.

Then... the next day, my sons apt was broken into and a lot of things were stolen. To make matters worse, it was someone they knew. One of the things taken was my son's laptop that he uses for school. Could I get any sadder... yep... I could...

When I got to the apt... there was a lot of yelling, screaming... they are young... they are going to kill ppl,lol. I said hey guys let's calm down and take this one step at a time.

That was not what they wanted to hear. Josh got into my face and said "F you..."

Yep, that is about as sad as a girl can get right there. So, at that point, I told them I loved them w/ all my heart, I was sorry it had happened to them and to let me know if there was anything I could do.

Of course now, Josh feels bad, my heart still hurts... but i'm working on getting over it.

Joel got a new laptop the other day... the other stuff was "toys"- video games/systems and Ipods etc. big bummer but they do not prevent you from handling life.

They are moving to another apt in the complex on the other side... they are happy about that part. Joel is set for class... now to get the car fixed and see about replacing some of the other things.

As far as my friend, we are talking but it isn't the same... hopefully that works out.

One more day of work until my weekend and I am planning some R and R!

its been awhile

and I'm still not whining,lol just being a little busy.

Hmm...what's goin on w/ me? Nothing new I guess.

I have been filling my freezer and really freezing a lot of food for myself, and to send over to the boys freezer.Shredded chicken,pulled pork, mashed potatoes and sliced bell peppers went in this week. They love/appreciate that, and it has been making it easier for me not to have to eat the same thing all darn week long,lol.

So, I got a hilarious txt forward today that said..."Isn't it interesting after Monday (M) and Tuesday (T) the rest of the week is WTF?" I think that is hilarious!

Weird weather here in az... hot, then freezing, sunny,cloudy... never know what we are getting into.

I'm gonna attempt to take some pics this weekend and to some more getting rid of crap/piles of paper. Looking forward to not working either of my days off this weekend,lol.

Oops... Just got word Josh is coming home for the weekend, and also I am going to a party on Saturday evening w/ some coworkers. Going to be fun!

done whining for now....

I decided I dont like it when I whine,lol.

I am still not thrilled w/ how I am being treated at work, but knowing that other people noticed my plight helped my attitude about it.

I might still like to have a relationship but in the meantime, I am going to enjoy eating chocolate poptarts in bed and being in charge of the remote. I am going to enjoy the quiet, the being able to put myself first and be selfish if I feel like it. At least... I am going to try,lol.

I spent a great weekend w/ Josh... who decided to spend an extra day at home w/ me. We made chorizo potato and egg burritos together ( fun... I miss that) and he took the leftovers home. When he got out of the car he said "Mom... thanks for everything, especially these leftovers." How stinking cute is that?

I'm at work now, 20 mins to go... looking forward to getting home to watch my dvd that just arrived from Netflix...Quincy MD Season 2.

whining

I do not like how I am being treated at my job. However, I love my job and want to stay... what a conflict... for now, I am going to try to ride this one out... things change fairly quickly there.

In my personal life... no change. Not a man w/i miles,lol.

Again, there is more conflict. I am perfectly fine single, and I remember what it is like to be w/ the wrong person... no way, no how do I want to do that again. I can eat in bed... control the remote, do what I want/when I want... and I try to remember that when I am feeling down.

But I want someone in my life. I do not "have" to have someone. Everywhere I look, there are couples. When I get off of work, there is no one to tell about my day. When I want to go to the store, I go alone. When I am having a problem, it is all mine,lol. I do everything...alone. It is getting a little lonely.

I have a couple of really good girlfriends for the first time in my life. I am still very happy/feel blessed about that. But... its not the same.

I keep hearing married women say how lucky I am to be single. I also keep hearing that he is out there somewhere... where, dammit? lol. My eyes and heart are open.

I am also totally disgusted at the number of 20 yr old men, and married men that want to "hook up" ugh!

Anyway... since I always like to end on a positive note. I am thankful to have a job to be mad at. I am so very thankful for my health insurance. I am thankful not to have mental illness ( at least I think I don't,lol). I am thankful for a working vehicle, a full refrigerator, a new purse and new ipod speaker thing, and awesome sons. I am thankful I am healthy enough to be able to walk into work today, and that I can still type and do all of the things I need to do today.

Hope everyone is having a day where they too, can count their blessings.

Lisa

baking up a storm!

I have the bread machine going ( homeade soft pretzels) baking chocolate pb cookies, and have some pork in the crockpot for pulled pork. I have no idea what I am going to do w/ all this food...but it seemed like a good idea at the time,lol.

Monday I took a day off of work, and had a great day scrapbooking and purse shopping.
I am not into purses at all... but I "needed" a new more professional bag for work, that would hold my classic size franklin covey planner...plus you know... camera phone, etc. So, the franklin covey store isn't too too far from the scrapbook store, and I got lucky that the one bag I had been eyeing online was on clearance... so I loaded it up w/ all my stuff ( just to make sure it would fit, and I could lift it,lol) and brought her home.

Spent some time w/ the boys... Josh is actually home visting all week this week before returning to reality...good to have him around!

Have a great and safe rest of the week!

I promise I am not anti-social

but I had the best day at home, all by myself...not having to go anywhere! It was awesome. I got a few things done, but mostly I just relaxed and only did what I felt like doing...which was...
1) watch lifetime movies (X2)
2) scrapbook 3 pages,reorganize my alpha stickers and put away some chipboard alphas
3) made about the yummiest peachy applesauce I have ever smelled/tasted
4) backed up some computer files and messed around on the internet

I also did a couple loads of laundry, did the dusting and cleaning out of the fridge.All that is left tomorrow is the vacuuming, a couple of shopping errands and more relaxing,lol.

hope you are having a great weekend too!

life is good today

love that song... toes, by zac brown band...

anywhoo... worked 21 days straight. That is a lot,lol. My body and mind are mushy. Payday will be a happy one.

update on the friend who happens to be a boy... he will be staying a friend, although a good one.

I have the next 3 days off, and I have big plans to do as little as possible.

I am going to visit my mom on Tues, and she is going to color my hair. When I called to invite the boys, I said "Josh, I am going to Grandma's on Tuesday, would you like to go?" w/o hesitation he says... "Oh yes, I have no clean clothes" LOL- apt laundry is horribly expensive, and since I normally take a couple loads home w/ me when I visit, and I have not been able to visit, I have Josh running around the big city in unclean clothes! Hopefully by now he has done at least 1 load somewhere.

I am hoping to do some scrapbooking and movie watching tomorrow... just "chillin" as the boys would say.

I had a new friend over today, who is the mom of 5 kids. After our visit she says "It was really nice just talking w/o kids" lol. I know exactly what she means,although sometimes I think it gets a lil quiet here.

life is good today